I’m really enjoying the posts on “the happily married thread” but feel I cannot contribute to it just yet. Not for the lack of that “happily married” part, but because I’ve only been married for three blissful months (we celebrated yesterday). Since many of the posters here have been successfully wed for considerably longer, I ask you to bestow some of your wisdom upon me - what you have learned over the years/ what one can expect as a couple grows older together/ will he ever stop playing those f*cking video games??? haha! Any advice or anecdote will be greatly appreciated. 
Stand in front of a mirror and repeat after me: Yes dear. Yes dear. Yes dear.
After awhile it will become automatic and it will set you free.
Not so fast, you mucko!
I have only been married for seven years so I am not an expert. One of the best lessons I have learned is to not take the attitude of “what have you done for me lately?” The more I think about what have I done for him lately the more I get from him. I think a lot of couples get into a routine of taking score. I was very big on that in the early years of my marriage. After two kids I finally learned that I get what I want by giving more unselfishly of myself.
Advice I have is to pick your disagreements carefully. Don’t nag about things, period. Appreicate your spouse, even when they do things that drive you nuts.
Please always remember that the morning kiss goodbye you give him/her could very well be the last- it happens to people everyday. After my husbands brush with death last summer, I can’t believe how much more I appreicate him-on good AND bad days.
Respect and trust each other- and lastly, NEVER EVER put each other down. Literally be your spouses biggest fan, even when you don’t want to. (After the 50th playing of Claptons “Tears in Heaven”, it was hard to muster a smile, but damnit I clapped like I’d never heard it my life).
PS- The videogames will probobly never end. Buy some that you like too and join in (unless the time spent is extreme, it can be fun!).
Zette
Love is like popsicles…you get too much you get too high.
Not enough and you’re gonna die…
Click here for some GOOD news for a change Zettecity
Pick your battles. Marriage is great for the most part, but it isn’t always blissful, and you will have your arguments. But before you decide to holler about the SO forgetting to take out the trash again, think about it. Is it worth it? There are infinitely more important things to fight about.
And when you do fight, try not to get too loud. Volume doesn’t solve anything. Discuss, in even tones, what the problem is. You may come to see the other peroson’s point of view. Said POV may still be completely and utterly stupid, but at least you’ll have a clearer understanding. 
“The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his ribcage.” --anonymous redhead
Don’t get the wood putty mixed up with the vaseline:
I knew a couple who did that, and all their windows fell out!
As a ‘guy’ contributer here, I hate to let this little secret out of the bag but here goes… Remember this sentance and use it as appropriate…
“I’ll learn to cook like your mother does, when you can spoil me like my daddy does!”
Enright3
Sounds like your whipped!!
That John Denver’s full of shit man!
My advice? Don’t ever get married.
We gladly devour those who would subdue us.
Buy flowers. Buy lots and lots of flowers. Kiss as much as possible. Be truthful. Go places together.
“It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.”
If something is a big deal to your spouse (ie the way the toilet paper goes on the roll) and it’s not to you, don’t make it an issue just because you’ve always done it one way.
Be flexible.
Be honest/truthful.
Think more “what can I do for him/her” than “what have they done for me”.
Don’t hold grudges.
Understand the way your spouse communicates. I recommend “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. Interesting read. You can borrow mine if you want!
i think the smartest thing my husband and i did was wait a few years before we had our first child.
getting used to living with a new person is always bumpy.
get that straightened out before you have a whole new person to get used to
I’m pink therefore I’m Spam
I second all the advice given by previous posters, and, as a veteran of 17 1/2 years, I guess I’m qualified to contribute a few of my own.
Talk. Not about work or family or bills. Talk about things that interest you both. Some of the best times I’ve had with my wife were simple conversations about children’s literature (which we both have an interest in). These types of conversations help to remind you both that the other person is someone with a brain and likes and dislikes.
Laugh. If you can laugh (at yourself, at each other, at life in general), you’ll survive a lot of stuff. And when you laugh with someone, that means you like them and share a sense of humor. Make your own fun, and appreciate the fun you make together.
Remember that marriage is a partnership. There is give and take. Sometimes you’ll be the one taking, sometimes you’ll have to give. But the union is more important than the individuals, and is much greater than the sum of its parts.
Don’t be jealous. Of other people, jobs, in-laws. Jealousy means you don’t trust the other person. So allow some freedom (within reason), and you’ll never sleep alone.
Be honest and flexible. Lies are going to be found out, and that only makes them worse. And that harbors resentment and distrust. And if you are having a disagreement, and you realize you were wrong, then say so. And change your behavior.
Touch. Some of the best times are the ones where my wife and I are sitting quietly reading our own books, holding hands. A pat on the fanny or a squeeze on the shoulder is familiar, reassuring, comforting. It means someone you love is there.
There are probably lots of others, but compressing nearly 2 decades into one post isn’t possible.
Final thought: if both of you have decided that divorce or separation simply isn’t an option, then you’ll live like it isn’t.
Final final thought: Never, ever refer to your spouse as “my first husband”
Cheers!
The Dave-Guy
“since my daughter’s only half-Jewish, can she go in up to her knees?” J.H. Marx
Wow! Thanks for all of these great posts - I read them and realized just how much I have to look forward to experience with my husband. We have started out very well. Besides being my husband, he is also my dive buddy. I may not share his enthusiasm for video games (yet), but this is one hobby that we are both very dedicated to. Talk about trust - your “buddy” is the person that checks your air flow, etc, before you go in the water (there are rules against diving while angry- haha!) and has to be able to communicate with you without speaking. It’s nice to have something we do together.
You are all right about being more flexible about things that are important to one’s partner. Perhaps I should give those damned games another shot. Maybe someday I’ll be able to brag about kicking ass in “Half Life”.
The biggest thing we learned (and we learned this before needing it. Double bonus). If in a disagreement, do not use accusatory words toward the other person. Avoid cutting remarks and don’t phrase the disagreement in sentences like “This is your fault because…” or “You did this…”. Just about all that needs to be said is how you felt hurt (disappointed, neglected,etc) after something and that is oftentimes enough to help the SO understand things a little bit easier.
Well, shut my mouth. It’s also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling.
I get to make all the big decisions in the marriage, my wife gets to make the small ones. So far there haven’t been any big decisions. ::rimshot::
But seriously folks…
I second all previous advice that suggests that communication is the key. The most serious problems my wife and I have had have been because, for one reason or another, we weren’t really sharing our true feelings with one another.
I used to think I was being noble when I wouldn’t tell my wife that something she did bugged the heck out of me. The problem was that I was expressing my anger in other ways and she didn’t have a clue what I was angry about. But I wasn’t going to tell her because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings! What a maroon!
Other than that big thing, the little things that have worked for us are 1) make time for yourselves (not always an issue for newlyweds but when there are kids and jobs and house payments and car repairs, etc, etc, it’s easy to go from one crisis to the next all the time), 2) money can’t buy happiness, so don’t sacrifice your happiness for money, and 3) apologize even if it’s not your fault.
“To do her justice, I can’t see that she could have found anything nastier to say if she’d thought it out with both hands for a fortnight.”
Dorothy L. Sayers
Busman’s Honeymoon
Rodd Hill wrote:
WHEW. I thought you were going to relate a tale of something MUCH worse happening.
I heard about a couple who got the Rogaine and the Viagra mixed up, and they…
What? You heard this one already?
I don’t know why fortune smiles on some and lets the rest go free…
T
The secret to a happy marriage is to eat dinner out, twice a week.
I go on Tuesdays, and my wife goes on Thursdays.
A man who takes money from you wallet is called a pick pocket. A woman who takes money from your wallet is called a wife.
Why are wedding dresses white?
So the dishwasher will match the refrigerator and the stove.
The first night, be like Eve.
'Stand back, I don’t know how big it’ll get!"