Advice for approaching possible abusive relationship

I’m disguising some elements of this story in the interests of privacy, but hopefully the essential elements are still available. I have a friend Mary who is facing possible eviction due to her landlord passing away. She’s been offered first “dibs” on making an offer to buy the house herself. It’s not clear whether this is actually financially possible for her, but she has so far dragged her feet even going to the bank to apply for a mortgage or calling the number I gave her of an independent mortgage lender who I was told might be more helpful. She has lost a few family members over the past two years, and so is probably sort of paralyzed emotionally against accepting any new changes in her life. Having to take on a mortgage, or trying to find an apartment with her cats would both be challenging changes. There are some other obstacles too but the one I want to talk about is her boyfriend of many years who lives with her.

I fairly certain they have a dysfunctional relationship, and that they if not sleep in, at least have, separate bedrooms. I’m not sure if they are effectively just roommates by this point. I haven’t examined it too closely before, but now that I’m involved in supporting her through this current situation, and have been thinking about his potential role in it, my spidey sense has started tingling. I’m starting to suspect in addition to the other obstacles, she might be facing some sort of complications due to her relationship with him. Which is to be expected of course, but my mind has got me wondering if it goes deeper than that - perhaps they are extremely codependent. Maybe it’s possible he is abusive to her in private, if not physically than at least verbally.

Again this is just speculation and a feeling in my gut that there is more than meets the eye. But given it’s just a feeling, I’m not sure what action to take. I feel it should be proportional to my uncertainty. I don’t want to over or under react. But I’ve never had experience with someone in those situations so I’m flying blind. Would anyone care to share their thoughts, feelings, resources, or anecdotes?

Don’t really think there’s any action you CAN take other than being there for her.

There is something I’d specifically like to address though:

My husband and I don’t sleep in the same room due to his snoring but I can assure you we are so NOT roommates! :smiley: And yes, he has a temper, but he’s not abusive in the least! He yells, screams, acts like an ass then stops and things return to normal.

My advice would be to just be there for her - and don’t borrow trouble.

You have no confirmation of your suspicions.
You’ve never experienced or known anyone in the type of situation that you suspect.
You don’t know what to do.

How about talking to your friend.