Well, I’m going shopping for weaponry tomorrow. There’s a sale on Heavy Pulse-Plasma Turrets at Fry’s.
And, yes, tried-and-true designs are perfectly fine for the Armada of Emperor SPOOFE.
Well, if he fails to deliver, I’ll just have him Die The Death Of Deathly Deadliness.
Yeah, and they look damn good in a tight black leather bustier. Just be careful that they’re not the type who’d want to use the hero as her private sex toy, because that’d let him live long enough to escape (after making out with her, of course) and then ultimately defeat your plans.
I saw this list among others a year ago, though I cannot find the exact site again. The site in question had a list of things A Hero shouln’t do, as well as the sidekick, and a list of things that has to happen if you are a starship captain. Anybody seen these?
Here you go. It seems to have been updated recently.
By the by, I’d be willing to lend the support of my fanatically loyal berserker legions to this world-conquering cadre we’ve got going here…if, of course, I can be appointed “Minister of Unnecessarily Cruel Punishments” in the glorious new world order. Missionaries and tailgaters: your days are numbered!
We get too many damn evil overlords here, it’s gonna be like the League of Nations; a bunch of squabbling weenies.
Can’t we all get along?
Let’s take turns, like Tars suggets, or I won’t let you play together.
Order, please, people! My assistant Glorp is passing out your schedule calanders, please keep in mind you can only conquor the world on red marked days, with a 90 day advanced notice to the Overloard Council. We’ve amended our bylaws this year to allow a more flexible schedule, you may trade dates with other members. Also, a Death Star is double parked outside, license plate H8R3BLZ, it will be towed if not moved.
If you have the power to manipulate emotions and guarantee slavish loyalty, use it. The “real thing” be damned, you don’t want people turning on you in the moment of your triumph.
If your superweapon is developed to the point that it’s almost irresistable, and a few more decades of research will prevent any possible defense, wait. Especially if your enemy doesn’t yet know about said superweapon.
::Holding up calendar:: Your honor! I see that I’ve been given next Wednesday and Thursday to conquer the world. I plan on visiting my slave-harem planet and performing “administrative” duties as needed during that time. May I trade with SPOOFE for the following weekend? Thank you.
::Writes “WASH ME” in the dirt of the double parked Death Star in 4,000 mile high letters:: Heh, heh, heh.
Don’t be silly, Horseflesh. The Death Star was only 900 kilometers in diameter (unless you’re talking about the original Death Star, which was only 120). 4,000 mile high letters? Hmph.
Remember, a good Evil Overlord does his homework. You get a frowny-face sticker on your test!
If you catch James Bond, kill him immediately. Since you have surrounded yourself with mindless henchmen and toadies, you’ll be tempted to explain your villanous plan to him (since he, although your nemesis, is the only one with sufficient intellect to appreciate your genius) and then put him in an elaborate deathtrap. Don’t do this. Seriously.
This is why you need the Femme Fatale. Not only can youtell her these things with a reasonable belief she can understand them, you can tell her in bed.
No downside. Unless she wants to do it that way, of course.
Bah, you obviously haven’t seen the new fully functional and color coordinated Death Star I just ordered from Mercedes (I went with the “BIG moon size” this year). Besides, I was talking about the new Galactic Standard Mile I implemented last time I took over the Milky Way, which equates to about 1/5 of the old mile length, or 1,000 Horsefleshs. I’ll ask you to regrade my test please.
::During the conversation, tapes a “Mama’s Boy” sign on SPOOFE’s ridiculous salmon colored cape::
For the OP:
Always send your clone (mini or not) in to do your dirty work with the wanna-be heroes.
Kill all brother and sisters (esp. twins) as soon as evilly possible.
Use coupons whenever possible; a thrifty Evil Overlord can never have enough mindless warrior drones.
Hey, each Overlord builds Death Stars to their own size specifications. Now, If SPOOFE won’t agree to trade days, then find someone else. I’m too busy teaching my half-man, half-platypus cyborg clone midgets to recite ALF episodes and dance the macarena.
I urge much caution, brother villian. Bond has talked the panties off of, and the plans out of, many a mastermind’s beautiful foil. If you must, I advise Bond-proofing your moll by choosing one who is either devastatingly unattractive or quite obviously a man in drag.
As an Evil Overlord, I will make it a point not to be seen with a Nehru Jacket, white cat and cigarette holder…thats just the wrong level of eccentricity.
I will instead be seen with a black leather jacket, shades, and a nickel plated Desert Eagle .50 calibre semi-auto pistol, with telescopic sight on top and laser pointer below.
Let my minions and enemies know I’m more than capable of doing a little wet-work myself.
