Thanks Munch, that’s in part what I meant, but you did a much better job of explaining it than I did.
And yes, it’s not just weight where people do this. That just happened to be the question the OP asked. I think it all boils down to the attempt by all parties to “put their best foot forward” as much as possible.
Kind of like how companies who are looking for employees put what they require in their ads, but some of those are preferences and there is an unspoken knowledge by both parties that those are negotiable points.
You very rarely see average or below average looking women with ads wanting to meet someone who looks like Brad Pitt. But the same can not be said about average and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay below average men. Not that they want Brad Pitt, but hot young skinny women. If those type women ignore them in real life, what makes them think they’ll get one online.
And men are more likely to lie about their age. If you look like Yoda, chances are, you ain’t 40.
For some reason I am getting alot of replies and emails from women who look fairly attractive. Far more than I would think I would in the first week on line.
I am trying match.com and eharmony.com right now. I am in the final stages of comm on eharmony with 2 matches and will probably meet them. I am going to meet one girl from match who looks really cute and sounds really sweet.
I already did meet one girl though…
On her profile she had checked athletic. Because she goes to the gym regularly. I saw pictures of her and shee looked cute. Cute face was about the only thing I could clearly judge. Couldn’t really see her body in many of the shots and they were distance shots anyway. She seemed nice enough, so I went and met her on Sunday.
First, I want to make clear, that she was not ugly. She was an attractive girl. But she did NOT have an athletic body. She was wearing a tight belly shirt and was spilling out from under the shirt over her jeans all the way around her waist. She had a pretty big butt, though not overly huge. This girl should have checked average. This would have prevented the slight shock I had when I saw her spilling out.
We already decided not to see each other though, because she is kind of a basketcase and started getting really wierd after only seeing me 2 times. We agreed she needed time to get her self together (recently broke up with 6 year SO).
Overall I was not attracted to her, mainly because of her big feet (I have a foot fetish), but she was cute. Her pics were misleading though and really didn’t look anything like her.
I still would have gone to meet her if she would have checked avg, but instead my expectations were dashed when she checkd athletic.
A slight tangent here. The flip side of this coin is some women’s preoccupation with how much money a potential date makes. I’ll second what CanvasShoes says, but I’ll reword it a bit:
Even when we’re not poor, we HATE when a woman places so much damn emphasis on the whole money issue. You feel not like a person meeting another person, but like a walking, talking, breathing bank account being measured for its potential or something.
So, women, you understandably don’t like guys online checking your weight first and foremost. We don’t especially like it when the subject of income comes up right away.
This thread makes me realize how lucky I am to be married and not have to deal with all this “dating” bullshit.
I can’t help but think that by using the “shopping list” approach to finding compainionship, the only person you are shortchanging in the long run is yourself. Jesus A-Rod Christ, people! Look beyond the photo and get to know another human being. You might be surprised who you find. :rolleyes:
Canvashoes, can you explain what about them was “dud”. How did they differ from the emails and phone conversations. I dated about 10 before meeting my SO, a few I got on really well with on the phone but when I met them in person, they just weren’t the same. Having the life-like photo really made a difference - there were no surprises when finally meeting.
Also, I think that meeting someone through an online service is just another way of meeting someone, no better, no worse than other methods. You could date many people by meeting them in bars etc. and have the same results.
Do you have something called ‘Table for eight’? It’s a bit pricey here but probably not as random as web-sites.
Fair enough, on both counts, but maybe it will make you feel a bit better if I add that for ME at least (not speaking for my “fellow” women), I want to know if a man is gainfully employed and has ambition enough to want to do well in life.
I don’t want to support a beer guzzling couch potato (and yes HAVE been there, in my foolish youth).
So for me, and perhaps many of my sisters out there, it’s not “how much money do you make” but “you’re not going to turn useless couch bum on me are you”??
Well, one guy showed up in clean, but very sloppy clothing (old uniform pants, two mismatched plaid shirts). This didn’t totally knock him out of the running, but the odd formal business meeting way he conducted, and I DO mean conducted, the coffee date totally turned me off.
One guy said he was a dancer, listed it in his profile, but then upon meeting him, it turns out he hadn’t actually DANCED since HS, roughly 20 years before. I think that when he put “dancer” HE meant “will get out on the dance floor and shake butt if sufficiently drunk”.
What I meant by (and was clear about this in my profile) was current couples type (cha-cha, night club 2, swing, both coasts etc) possibly leading to competition level dancing.
Others turned out to just want a quick lay, THEY thought they were being sly and subtle, but I wasn’t born yesterday, and even if I had been, I didn’t live all day for nothing.
And lastly, and partly unfarly as I said in a previous post, likely they weren’t living up to the “high water mark” left behind by my former boyfriend.
So maybe, some of this could be ‘cleared up’ during phone calls or emails. I have asked them about stuff in their profile, not to check that it was true, but to make conversation and find out more about them - before meeting them. I didn’t always do this, but generally had long conversations on the phone before hand.
Upon meeting, some appeared to just want sex, as in your experience, but were apparently prepared to put in some ground work first - I guess they were lonely?
For those that get tired of the games and misrepresentations and all that, I can truly say that it’s worth it to be tenacious. You’ll have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince(ss), but it wil happen. Think of it this way: Every time you date a deceitful jerk, you are one step closer to your True Love™.
But that’s not why I’m posting. I’m posting to recount a few amusing dates.
The first happened to a FOAF. He met a woman who described herself in that she loved romantic dinners, loved walks on the beach, and had a great sense of humor. What she failed to mention was, at the time of their meeting, she was eight months pregnant. I guess she was hoping to slip that past him.
The second story happened to me. I talked to this wonderful woman on the phone a few times. She sounded great. I wasn’t too concerned with her looks, as long as we were compatible. But truth to tell, she sounded like a sex machine. Rowr! Then we met. It was hard to believe that this was the same person. I’m guessing that her children had grey hair and wrinkles. Honestly, she was a member of AARP! (I was 30 at the time, and yes, I put my age in my profile.)
The last story is about Jane. She sounded like a decent enough woman. So decent, I thought, that there was no way she could look like much. Then I met her. My first thought was “clearly out of my league.” Actually, that was my second thought. My first was about how to disguise the tent that had formed in my pants.
Amen.
met mine through newspaper personals 18 years ago. I emphasized things that were important to me, qualities that were important.
a friend kept writing me telling me about the women he was dating “5’2, 110 lbs, green eyes, brown hair, Gemini”, then a few weeks later would complain that she was shallow or insincere, or not compatible, then on to the next “5’3, 118 lbs, brown eyes, blonde, Aries”, and the process would begin again. I suggested that he look at his selection process and perhaps modify it - maybe, just maybe there were personality characteristics that were important to him.
Yes, sorry, I forgot to address that part of your question. Most of the time it was as you mentioned, things went much better in email and/or phone calls than the actual meeting.
Guys who seemed to be bright, funny and interesting in either the phone calls or emails tended not to be so in person. Plus the ones who were out for just sex seemed to be able to hide it better on the phone or in emails, and not so well in person.
I did date one guy for about 6 months, but we met in a chat room for Trivial Pursuit, not on a match site. I visited him in his home town a few times and we met in Vegas a couple of times too. He actually WAS a nice guy, it didn’t work out for reasons other than the long distance thing, or his not being a nice guy.
Our goals and personalities just didn’t mesh for the long haul. And I do know several people who’ve made a good match through online meetings (though none were through match sites, the ones I know were from chat rooms or boards such as this one). So I’m not against the meeting someone online, I just wasn’t successful at it.
As you say, fair enough. I’m more talking about those women who check off the desirable income box at some ridiculously high level, and then write something like “I like the finer things in life, and I’m looking for a generous man who can give me the kind of life I want” or words to that effect. You’d be surprised how many of them there are.
I make a perfectly reasonable amount of money. I expect to support myself. I wouldn’t have it any other way. In a long-term relationship (and I have a pretty good track record there), I expect to contribute equally, at least, to the life I share with a woman. But I’m not looking for a woman who just wants a free ride to “the finer things in life.” Or who believes that because she’s good-looking (to someone, anyway), that she’s essentially entitled to get paid for it. Something about that phrase (“the finer things in life”) just sets my teeth on edge.
Superficiality knows no gender. Those guys who insist on “perfect” bodies and all that crap deserve the women who insist that their dates make more than, say, $150,000 per year.
Dude! Is that for real? I’m already thinking about someone there. There need to be more personals there! Now, to grow a pair of testicles and write an email…
Well, those kinds of women make me sick. Sorry, I have (or HAD, til I relocated to texas, and soon will have again) a very wellpaying and enjoyable career. Even though I’m “just a girl” I really take pride in taking care of myself financially. I don’t need a man to “take care of me”. Men are for true love and “medicinal purposes only”
Don’t blame you at all. Too bad there are so many of those “widdle pwincesses” out there giving we “real” women a bad name. One reason I like for a man to make a good living is NOT so that he can give ME the “finer things in life” but because, to me at least, it illustrates that he’s intelligent, has pride in his accomplishments, and has ambitions beyond the couch, budweiser and sports on TV. I like a man who’s challenging and has some smarts.
IMHO, a man who makes a good living generally HAS those qualities. And it’s THAT, the qualities behind his decent living (the smarts, the ambitions, the belief and pride in himself, just to name a few) that turn me on, NOT what, if anything he might be able to buy for me.
I’ve managed to send myself on trips, and pay for the things I truly want okay up to this point, I don’t expect a man to do it at all. I’m sure I’m not the only woman who feels that way. Perhaps some women just don’t word it very well???
Very very true. And yeah, setting a limit on it is ridiculous. I’m mainly interested that they make a decent living for the reasons I state here, and in my previous post.
etc) possibly leading to competition level dancing.