One of my coworkers told me today that her ex-boyfriend, who has been calling and texting her non-stop after being told several times that’s it over, stopped by work today. I didn’t see him. He said something about her stopping the “emotional bullshit” or something, and left.
Just now she called me at home and told me that he called her and said “Either you marry me now or just call it quits.” She said okay, it’s over. He replied with “All right. I’ll see you Monday at your work. I’ll be the center of attention.”
???
I’m freaking out somewhat about this. Is he planning on coming to the office and making a big dramatic proposal, or is he planning on coming in and mowing us all down??
I told my supervisor about his visit today, and mentioned that I was concerned and just didn’t want to be the only one that knows anything about this. Should I call said supervisor at home and appraise her of the situation about Monday? If the coworker finds out I did that, or even that I said anything about him stopping by today, she’ll be PISSED.
What to do, what to do? Other than call in sick on Monday. Advice??
Geez, trublmakr…! You’ve given me the creeps! You’d better post here all day on Monday, or I’ll be worrying about you and your co-workers all day!
Personally, I’d tell the supervisor, despite the probablility of your co-worker being pissed. I am very much a “better safe than sorry” kinda person. I agree with Guin, too.
While she was on the phone telling me all this, he called. She just called me back and told me that he said he’s not going to go postal or anything. And she says no way would he do anything crazy. This does not make me feel better.
I’m all too aware that these things DO HAPPEN, much too often. I told her I’m scared and I have to look out for my own safety. She begged me not to tell anyone.
What makes it so hard is that we both started around the same time, just a few months ago, and we’ve formed a fairly close friendship, even out of work. If she wasn’t a friend, but just a coworker, I’d tell everyone. I’d shout it from the rooftops. This is very difficult for me.
Come Monday, I’m gonna be more nervous than a whore in church.
Oh yeah. She also told me that in 5 years of breaking up and getting back together, they never can just let go of each other. Sometimes he breaks up with her, but then he doesn’t want her to be with anyone else, either.
And he knows she’s been seeing someone else, which really makes him angry, especially because her new man is another race.
My stomach hurts.
You live in Tuscon, which has a modern police department.
I know very little about your work environment, but I do know enough about people to interpret the reported remark as a threat. I just don’t know enough about the people involved to know if your co-worker or the purported ex-BF is the loony.
My appraisal:
Go ahead and call your supervisor this weekend. I’d touch base with my lawyer, as well, but you may not have an established relationship with an attorney. That doesn’t matter.
Notify the Tuscon Police Department with the information you have. Call in absent (sick call, or whatever it takes) Monday.
If nothing happens, consider that your co-worker may be the loony in the deal.
If nothing happens, she’s likely a drama queen; if something does happen and the Tuscon PD is there to handle it, you’ll be glad you alerted them.
One way or another, I wouldn’t worry about her (co-worker) being pissed if she’s telling you of a scenario that quite likely represents danger to you and your other co-workers. You have a responsibility to respond appropriately.
Please, trublmakr, get back to us and let us know how it all turned out.
Stay safe!
If the ex shows up at work, your friend should refuse to see him. I don’t know how your workplace is set up. Is there security? A receptionist? Can anyone just walk in, or do you have to be buzzed into the actual workspace?
If your work doesn’t have security, then some big, burly men should loiter around the front door, and the receptionist should have the 9 and the 1 dialed, with her finger poised to press the 1 again.
I would also suggest your friend get into some counseling. This is not a healthy relationship, and she needs some help in extricating herself.
Above all, your friend should no longer communicate with him. Do not take his calls or reply to his e-mails. If he shows up at her house, lock the doors and stay inside.
She may also want to file a report with the police. If she doesn’t, then I would say she thrives on the “drama” and the “Oh, he’s pursuing me! How sweet!” and you need to distance yourself.
This race business tears it for me. Men can be idiots about rivals, and even if he says 'I’m no bigot, but…" he is a bigot if the race of his rival bothers him. This may be a low risk situation, but the worst case scenario is extremely high consequence. Ask yourself this question, “If I report this and I am wrong, will my friend get over being pissed at me?” Now ask, “If I don’t report this and he acts violently, to what extent am I responsible?” Protect yourself and your friends. Good luck.
I’d say, call the supervisor and be wary Monday. If he DOES show up, make sure someone (if not yourself) is near a phone asap.
I had something like this happen once at my work place, nothing happened but it was really creepy. (I worked night shift at a donut shop. The baker’s ex-fiance showed up drunk and demanding to talk to her, after he had called endlessly for a few hours demanding to talk to her. Yes, we did call the police. They took him home.)
If I’d had advance warning about it, I’d have been further freaked out.
Yes, call the cops. Screw your friend getting pissed. If this guy is psycho and goes postal in the office on Monday you’ll have a lot more people pissed at you than just her if it comes out that you knew about the weird comment he made.
This comment of his just doesn’t sit well with me. It reminds me of the school shooting we had back home (near Paducah, KY) a few years ago. The kid that did it told people “something big is going to happen on Monday.” If only somebody had paid attention!
He’s probably just going to come cause a scene. But I wouldn’t risk it.
Hell, yes, I’d call the cops, I’d tell the supervisor, and I’d take whatever precautions I thought necessary, regardless of whether or not she begged me not to tell anyone.
Keeping a harmless little secret is one thing. But you’re going to feel very, very bad if he shows up with a shotgun and begins merrily blasting people out of their shoes, if YOU could have stopped it… but didn’t.
And that’s assuming you’re one of the survivors.
True, it’s possible nothing will happen. Maybe he’ll show up and make a big noise and get arrested. Maybe it won’t happen Monday, but Tuesday, instead.
I did call my supervisor last night. I had to leave a message and she hasn’t called me back. I feel really terrible about betraying my friend, she really didn’t want me to tell anyone. But, as a single mother, I’ve become very accustomed to looking out for myself. The truth is, people go nuts all the time and I don’t want to be a victim.
As a temp-to-hire, that’s not been hired as of yet, I can’t call in sick. They could use that as a reason to string me along another couple of months, thus delaying my ability to start getting benefits.
I’ll post Monday evening about what happened. Thanks for the replies- I was starting to feel like I was just being paranoid and overreacting, but now I know I’m not.
There was a guy at my workplace who got fired. Six months later, he showed up with a rifle, saying he was looking for my boss.
Fortunately, my boss wasn’t in yet. They guy went away and was arrested later by the sherriff. Evidently, he’s completely insane and is now in a psychiatric ward.
Be safe. Do your best to try to keep everyone safe.
I’ve a strong tendancy to be on the “better safe than sorry” side. Most of the time, it turned out that my worries were unfounded. Twice I got someone (a former gf and a couple of friend I had alarmed in the middle of the night) pissed at me.
But I can tell you that the two times when my worries were actually justified more than largely compensated the other instances. It once prevented a very serious crime, and another time possibly prevented soemone from ending up in a casket.
So, forget about your friend being pissed at you. There’s a 99,5% chance that nothing serious will happen, but the 0,5% left are well worth irritating someone who anyways, doesn’t seem to be able to handle issue in a sensible way. You’ll have all the time in the world to explain your reasons to her, and if she has some common sense, she should eventually get it.
Actually, I would call her and told her upfront that I called the supervisor (or the police if you eventually do so), and explain why. You know she’s likely to react negatively, but anyway she won’t like it more if she find out what you did after the facts. Being honest and straightforward can only help.
Maybe the fact that you took it very very seriously will be a wake-up call for your friend. Maybe she will realize she is not in a normal relationship.
How long have you known her? Maybe this is just par for the course and not a sign of something dramatic. That’s not to say that you should blow it off.
Think of it this way: Millions of people say things that could be thought of as a sign…after the fact. Yet more teenagers die playing high-school football than in school shootings, and more little kids drown in five-gallon buckets than by accidental shooting. The scenario you are afraid will obtain is memorable because things like that get reported in the news; but they’re news because they are rare—man bites dog!
Hopefully your temp agency is competent and you have a person there who’s job is to check up on you and make sure things are okay. If you are frightened to the point of being sick, try to get a hold of that person through the agency, hopefully they’re open weekends, and explain the situation. If that fails, call very early Monday and give them the story then. If you end up taking a sick day without permission, so what? Either the guy does something you will be glad you missed, or the couple’s twisted relationship will continue and you’ll be stuck having to anticipate a similar FUBAR situation in the future. Your potential losses are fairly low, since working with one-half of Team Psycho is going to make working there much less pleasant than it should otherwise be.
My supervisor never did call me back. I told her when I got to work this morning. She didn’t say anything to the woman, but at least she was aware.
Yesterday I called the cow-orker to see if she had talked to him anymore. She said she had told him that if he showed up, she would call the police, and he said “okay” and wouldn’t come. But then she knew I was freaked out, so she could have just been saying that.
In any case, I’m starting to see that she is somewhat of a drama queen. I try to stay away from these people, as I like a nice, quiet, simple life. So that friendship I need to take back to the store and get a refund on.
For as long as we both work there, I’ll be even more hypervigilant than I already am naturally. Sigh.