Advice on a situation with a girl...

In My Humble Opinion
1

Here’s the story:

Halloween 2.5 years ago, I was visiting my hometown Houston for a friend’s party. I met a really cool, intelligent, pretty girl and we hit it off immediately. Lets call her Sara. We chatted all night, smoked a little, and I felt this amazing connection with her. I did something I rarely do–I made a move. I caught her coming back from the bathroom and I swiftly moved in to kiss her. When I was literally inches from her lips, she hesitantly stopped me and said “sorry I have a boyfriend.” I ran my fingers down her cheek and said “but you’re so cute…,” however I respected her loyalty. We continued to chat for a few minutes, and when she said she had to go, she briefly pecked my lips and I looked her straight in the eyes and said “Sara, I really hope I see you again someday.” Since I didn’t live in Houston at the time, I said this knowing I would basically never see this amazing person again…

Fast forward to today. I moved back to Houston about a year ago, been working and enjoying being back in my hometown. About 2 weeks ago, I was out on my balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed some girls jumping up and down right outside my apartment complex’s gate. For whatever reason, I decided to go help them out and let them in (they were obviously in distress). One of them had to pee, so I let her use my bathroom, and I invited these 3 girls to come hang out on my balcony. There was one girl among the group that was super cute, intelligent, and I immediately felt a connection with her. I ended up hanging out with these girls for a couple hours. As I talked to the cute girl, she reminded me a lot of Sara whom I had met years ago. I almost asked her if I had met her before because she was so similar, but I assumed the odds that she was the same girl were astronomical. I got her number before she left, and we went to a concert the following week. We had an amazing time. It was the most fun I had ever had with a girl.

At this point, she stopped responding to my texts and calls. I was like wtf!? When I searched for her on Facebook, I noticed we had 3 mutual friends and when I checked out her pictures, it dawned on me: THIS WAS SARA! The universally improbable had somehow occurred: this girl who had left such an impression with me had been thrust into my life two years later, completely randomly, and I had even gone on a date with her!

Now, my questions for you folks is:

  1. Isn’t it mind-blowing that this happened? Of all the people for this to happen with, it was the one girl that I felt a very real, instant connection with.

  2. Is it absurd that I didn’t immediately know it was her? I mean, 2.5 years is a long time, and she did look slightly different the second time.

  3. Did she know the whole time who I was and just didn’t tell me? Why would she do that?

  4. Why won’t she respond to my texts or calls? We literally had such an amazing time at the concert, I can’t imagine why she wouldn’t want to go out with me again.

I have been so emotionally wrecked by this. I can barely sleep and I obsess over it all day. I feel like I have to see her again. If for no other reason, to get everything out in the open. She is special–I felt it the moment I met her (both times), and even if she rejects me I will hate myself to not do everything I could to get with her. But, she seems to be ignoring me now, and I have a sneaking suspicion it’s because she’s known all along. Normally, I would take a hint and not try and contact her anymore, but this situation is so…unique…that I feel compelled to keep trying until I get some face-to-face. I must clear this up. I’m worried I will come across as fanatical and obsessive, which frankly I am at this point, but I don’t even care. I feel like if I get this all explained, we can (hopefully) laugh about it and pursue a relationship. It would be the shame of my young life to lose her over what is basically an absurd mix-up.

2

She’s the love of your life and you didn’t recognize her when you met her again? Maybe that’s why she isn’t responding to your texts and emails - maybe she wants to date someone who can remember her face. :slight_smile:

3

Didn’t she tell you her name at some point between your place and when you went to the concert? Why didn’t that provoke you to ask her if she was the same Sara you met 2.5 years ago?

Maybe the reason she stopped talking to you is because you seem to think the two of you are some kind of soul-mates and she doesn’t want all that shit piled on her right out of the gate.

4

It was half-way out my mouth, but I held off because I didn’t think it was possible it was the same person. In my mind I heard so many parallels that I should have just asked…

I can’t pick and choose who and what I am attracted to, but I assure you I haven’t said any of these crazy things to give her that impression. I sent her a text the week after we went out asking if I could see her again. It’s more likely she’s seeing someone else, which is fine, but I still want to clear this situation up. If she knew all along, it’s a bit of a cruel joke to not tell me is it not? Am I at least entitled to the truth?

5

Maybe she can tell you are obsessing after barely knowing each other and you might seem to be over-zealous?
To you the concert may have been the time of your life but maybe to her it was just a concert…

IMHO, act friendly so both of you can get to know each other. Maybe that goes to friendship and then maybe further.

TL;DR; calm down bro.

6

What kind of “cruel joke” would she be playing even if she did recognize you and not mention it? I don’t get it. And maybe she wasn’t sure if it was you just like you weren’t sure if it was her. Or it didn’t cross her mind at all.

And you do really need to stop blowing this way out of proportion, you barely know her. How old are you?

7

Girl or woman?

8

  1. I find this to be not weird at all. You are in the same town and might have run into each other. What would have been weird is if that insta-lust feeling was shared. That is like winning the Love Lottery.

  2. What I find almost absurd is that in 2.5 years you can obsess over a person after a single meeting. You do realize that people usually aren’t showing their innermost feelings to strangers they have just met?

  3. I have no idea if she realized and if she did I have no idea as to the reasoning why she did what she did. Perhaps you should invite her to this board so we can find out.

  4. I have family in the Law Enforcement field and they call something like this ‘A Clue’. There is a reason that she isn’t returning your calls or texts and for whatever reason it is the end result is that she chooses not to have contact with you.

Food for thought, just because you think that you aren’t coming off as obsessed and fanatical doesn’t mean that you are succeeding.

Life is not a movie, just because you pour your heart and feelings out does not mean that everything will work out. Think of someone that is your friend who decided to pour their innermost feelings of lust and love to you, would you jump in the sack and make long term plans based solely on their feelings?

In the end you have to do what you have to do. If it works out for you, congrats! If it doesn’t learn from it.

In the words of the Prophet Richard Pryor; ‘Men cannot graduate till a woman breaks your phckn heart. That is your diploma.’

9

Just because you felt a connection and she’s so special to you, doesn’t mean she feels that connection to you. Seriously, she’s rebuffed you twice now. Move on.

10

Yeah dude, that shit only works in the movies.

You sound stalkerish. Even if you don’t come right out and say these things to her, you could still be giving off that “stalker vibe”.

I strongly suggest you leave this girl alone. The way you’re thinking isn’t healthy.

11

I would assume, from all that has happened, that her body is being used as a host by some alien life form that has no understanding of human social practices. Either that or one of the other explanations.

12

Unless you’ve done something questionable to put her off, consider the possibility that your Sarah is a flake.

13

When two people want to see each other, they will. If not, usually at least one of them doesn’t want to.

14

Oh, but if only he can make her understand, surely she’ll have a change of heart.
/Been there, done that. Never again.

15

I know you are getting lots of sarcasm here, but it’s pretty well founded. That feeling of amazing connection is cool, and feels great. But it’s also a bit of a cognitive trick that doesn’t actually mean much of anything (especially anything mutual) at the end of the day. And if there were any substances involved, that goes double.

Plenty of fish in the sea. Meet lots of ladies, and you’ll eventually have lots of magic connections.

16

Can you just clarify once again. You were hanging with her for a couple of hours, then went to a concert together, but you never asked her name? Seriously?

Or you did ask her name, and she said it was Sara, and you still didn’t know it was the lost love of your life?

17

Is it cool to hook up again with someone? Sure is! That’s cool!

That doesn’t mean it’s fate or destiny or any of that other stuff that doesn’t exist. You are really into her, she’s not really into you. Happens all the time, allow yourself a bit of self-pity and wallowing, then move on.

18

IMHO, the one most important rule of thumb to remember when you are dealing with a girl is this: If you view the situation as a contest, you will almost certainly lose.

A relationship with a girl is almost certainly never a contest and it is a terrible mistake to treat it that way. If you do so, you can be virtually certain they will body slam you to the mat and shut your lights out and knock the breath right out of you.

So, take some time and think things over and give it some thought and talk nice and sweetly to them. If you do that, you have a much better chance to achieve a happy outcome.

I wish you the very best of luck. Do let us know how things work out for you.

19

Yes indeed. Act nice and friendly. Excellent advice!

20

I can’t help but to be a hopeless romantic. I think this story is so touching and I do believe in destiny/fate.

It seems like the majority of people are telling you to forget her, but if you’re hell bent on reconnecting, text her. Tell her that you realized that you may have met before at a party a couple years ago and it took you awhile to figure it out. Even if you just tell her so you both can laugh at the chances. She may not text back, but at least you told her how strange it is to run into one another again. Or she could text back how she didn’t realize it/was waiting for you to bring it up/has no recollection/sees it as a sign from the universe that she should date you.

No matter what, it won’t hurt the situation if she is already unresponsive to your contact. And maybe it will help you move on.