I have a cousin who has been the proverbial bad seed. I’m not going to share her solecisms and bad decisions save that she has been addicted to heroin. I’ve kept loose tabs on her for a while now and she appears to have been clean for over two years. She has children, at least one of whom was exposed to heroin in the womb. Bad seed she may be, but she is family, and everyone can reform. And even if she has not, the sins of the mother are not the sins of the children.
So, I’m soon going to be in striking distance of where she lives and want to make contact. I won’t be meeting them in private but in a pub or cafe or the like.
There’s a whole load of things contained in this post that you need to think about very carefully before you do anything. That includes quite a lot of the language you are using, “bad seed” for a start, ffs. You need to consider what your motivation for intervention is here, and whether it will be welcome or helpful.
Talk to these people before you do anything (assuming you are still in our oil capital), but if not there’s similar all over the place.
It will really help you understand what she’s going through if you watch a few documentaries on heroin before meeting her. Heroin: Cape Cod, USA is a good one if you have HBO. There are also ones you can find on Netflix, Hulu, etc. It’s easy to think the person is bad or weak because they’re addicted. The reality is that many times they desperately want to quit but the drug’s grip is too tight.
Your cousin can really use your emotional support to help her stay clean. As you know, she’s burned a lot of bridges. Not having a good support system can make anyone slide down, and it’s even harder for her to stay straight.
But also remember that she is still an addict and has a high potential to make bad decisions. Don’t give her money or let her stay with you or anything like that until you are absolutely positive it’s the best thing for her and you.
And, if you can, don’t hold her past transgressions against her. She may never be able to sufficiently repent for all the terrible things she did. Hopefully she can move forward in a positive way and rebuild the relationships she lost.
All you can do is manage your expectations. Don’t go in hoping for an apology or any admissions. For a first meeting, just keep things light and fuss over her kids. There can be time to discuss old feelings later, after you’ve had more of a chance to rebuild an initial connection.
I have a cousin who is exactly like your cousin, except she hasn’t lost touch with everyone yet. She still [del]preys on[/del] gets help from her parents and grandma on the other side.
I don’t think it’s a bad idea to meet with her, especially if she is clean. And it’s always nice to reach out to your cousin’s kids. I love all my cousins’ kids and I am close with my parents’ cousins.
Just do not give her any money. No, not this one time. Don’t give her money. Tell her you will give her clothes, groceries, toys, used household stuff, whatever. Just not money.
A letter would be ideal - it is just so out-of-the-ordinary now that it would get attention.
An email would do - Hi Sis! I am going to be in your neck of the woods and would like to take you and the kids to lunch on (date, date… or day/date through* day/date.
Act as you would with anyone else with whom you’d like to re-connect.
Why does this prospect bother you? THAT is the question here. It’s not like she has some dread “Social Disease” and is likely to infect you.
She is a person with children. Same as any other person with children. End discussion.
It is THROUGH it is always THROUGH. Any perversion is to be fought tooth and nail.