Advice regarding potentially suicidal acquaintance

In My Humble Opinion
1

Animal rescue is as much about rescuing people as pets, but I’m now facing a serious situation and I’m hoping for some advice on how to proceed. For unrelated reasons I’m physically exhausted and emotionally on the border of compassion fatigue so I’m not doing a good job of thinking this one through. I don’t want my shortcomings to result in a bad outcome for someone else, so I turn to you guys for help.

A woman I knew as an empoyee at a local business struck up an acquaintanceship several years ago. She gave me some good suggestions within a professional context, turned out we had some shared experiences from long ago, and we got to talking. I can’t say we’re friends because she has an abrasive personality and we differ on some fundamental values (she’s a drug addict and deeply racist; I am neither), but we stayed in touch outside the work context.

She easily fell into the category of “the working poor” so my family and I helped her out by purchasing groceries, helping out with utility bills, buying minutes for her mobile phone (her only form of communication with the outside world) and other expenses she couldn’t quite meet. We don’t have a lot to spare but we did what we could.

Fast forward to the present. She’s behind on her rent, behind on her utilities, and just lost her job. She doesn’t have a car or a computer, and access to public transportation is somewhat limited. Previously she biked to work but so far hasn’t been able to find a new job within that radius. She’s awaiting news as to whether she qualifies for unemployment, but she was fired for cause and even if she does receive some benefits, she wasn’t meeting her expenses even at full pay. She’s a hard worker but has limited vocational skills (excellent at what she does, but it’s a niche market), an abrasive personality and throws up on job interviews, so her odds of getting new work quickly are not good.

Over the last few weeks she’s been increasingly discussing suicide. She may be saying this to manipulate my family into helping her even more than we already are, but I feel I have to take the threats seriously. She has no family left (she claims they’re dead, I suspect estrangement but even if they exist I have no way to contact them), and the only friend she’s mentioned is a man I know only by first name, have never met, and have no way to contact. She has no religious faith that I’m aware of. She’s starting giving me her very dearly beloved pet animals to give to individuals and no-kill shelters I trust. I know they’ve been her motivation to keep going for a long time, and when I took one of them yesterday I was afraid her heart was going to give out on the spot.

There are more critters left, and I know that as she feels even more overwhelmed I’ll be getting the rest of them one by one. (We’ve been giving her food for them too, but at this point claims she’s giving them up more for emotional reasons than financial). I have resources to cope with most of the animals, but I can’t just sit by and watch her injure herself or worse. At the same time, emotional support is not my strong point (I’m more Dr. House than Dr. Wilson) and even if it were, this situation would be beyond my abilities at the best of times, and this is not the best of times.

Any suggestions would be greatly welcomed. We’re in the Chicago 'burbs, if that helps any.

2

No advice other than to remind you that you are not responsible for her or her animals’ health and well-being. If she does something stupid, it is not on you and what you have done already is far and beyond what a friend would feel compelled to do, let alone a mere acquaintance.

The only thing I could recommend is to speak with someone at DHS, but I would be a bit wary, since they might be inclined to remove her animals (it sounds as though she has way more than she can care for, even if she had a job?), which might cause more problems than it fixes.

3

This is a heartbreaking situation, and I’ve seen it before.

Call somebody. You cannot help this person by yourself.

If this means calling somebody at “City Hall”, do it. This person could either:

1/ Be totally unaware of aid available.

2/ Be on her way to becoming homeless.

3/ Be on her way to suicide.

None of these options are acceptable to the person, of course. But call somebody. If you do not have the means to take care of them, then at least alert the authorities of somebody who could either be a civil liability (homeless person) or a crime (suicide).

4

She seems to be making a rational choice by your description, not something brought on by depression or some other clinical issue. Perhaps you are morally opposed to suicide, but unless you have concrete suggestions for her to be able to change her life into something that she would enjoy, you should leave it at saying your peace and leaving the rest up to her. Her ideas of morality are likely different than yours.

The right to your life is the right to say that you’re not enjoying it and it ain’t worth it.

5

I would have to say this is a golden opportunity for you to Butt Out.

You said she is a drug addict. I’ve known many alcoholics in my life (I know it’s different, but not by that much) and you CAN NOT help them. They have to hit rock bottom before they will lift a finger to help themselves. Of the many I’ve know, about half did hit rock bottom, bounced, and are now doing, not fine, but acceptable. The other half are dead. Fifty-fifty is not good odds, but it’s the best she’s going to get.

Tell her you are there for her, then let her innate nature take its course, whatever that may be. And God bless you for your caring soul…TRM

6

On the other hand, though, you could also say that wanting to commit suicide is a mental illness that is by definition making you unable to make reasonable decisions. Having been vaguely suicidal in the past myself, I’m inclined to agree with the not-capable-of-being-reasonable definition. All I know is that now that I’m not suicidal, I’m extremely glad I’m still alive and kicking. If the suicidal woman in the op were someday me, I fervently hope someone would intervene and not just let me go through with my reasonable decision to off myself.

Yeah, I was going to say something like this, but the point of hitting rock bottom is kind of to jar the addict into deciding that this life is not worth living, and she has no problem seeing things that way. It’s her *solution *that is problematic.

Selkie, I second the advice to get help from professionals in dealing with this, ideally people who are experienced in dealing with suicidal drug addiction. I’d recommend putting money you spend on her towards counseling or maybe a drug rehab, if you can.

And knowing how I feel about my pets, is it possible you could hang onto her animals in the meantime? Maybe they’re the incentive she needs to go to rehab, or on the flip side, maybe she’d be so distraught about losing them that it would get in the way of her mental health/drug addiction treatment. Regardless, she’s lucky to have you in her life.

In case you encounter another such individual, though, you should know that paying for food and utilities for a drug addict is enabling and not ultimately helpful. Push for and/or subsidize getting clean instead.