When Mrs. Bernse and I were married, we kept our home telephone in my wife’s maiden name. Works out well that way since if we get a phone call for “Mr or Mrs Jones” (her maiden name) we know right off it’s a solicitation and we tell them politely, to take a hike.
Not last night though. The phone rings.
<phone> Hello, may I speak to Mrs. Jones?
<me> Sorry. Nobody lives here by that name.
<phone> Oh! You must be Mr. Jones.
<me> No, I am not. There is nobody here by that name.
<phone> Well! Who am I speaking to then?
<me> No, who am I speaking to? (I have a real problem with people calling me unsolicited and asking who I am if I have no clue as to who they are)
<phone> NO. WHO AM I SPEAKING TO? (raised voice - seriously)
<me> None of your business. I’m hanging up now.
<phone> No! Don’t do that! I’m collecting for the Children of Iraq! (No shit, I am not making this up)
<me> Too bad. (Click)
Forward to this AM (about an hour ago). I am sitting in my office doing some paperwork. My office is some 40-50 feet from the front door. Definetly out of the way for someone just to “stumble into”. Some freaky looking guy with a knapsack and clipboard comes walking into my office totally unannounced.
<freak> You look like executive material!
<me> (Looks up) Huh? What?
<freak> You look like an executive! I am here on behalf of the Canadian Parapalegic society. Every year we <starts the spiel that won’t let you get a word in>
<me> (Interupt) Who let you back here?
<freak> Um, nobody. I just walked past the counter and those other guys and…
<me> That is NOT a way to give a good impression to people you want cash from. Please leave.
<freak> BUT…!!!
<me> Get the fuck out of here!
Look. I am not normally a rude person. However, I think it is extremely rude to take liberties with people that you have no clue as to who they are and likewise, they don’t know who the fuck you are. If that happens, I get pissed off pretty quickly.
Jesus! What the fuck is it? Do you think that being a canvaser for a good cause lets you bypass good manners? I may not be the CEO of IBM but what the fuck makes these people think that you can just walk past everyone else and “go to the top?” Presumebly, to “get to the person in charge” but don’t these people think that it’ll just piss off the “person in charge?” FUCK!!
Yeah… i used to dick around with the telemarketers. Usual tactic when they asked for me was to say “he’s dead…” and dissolve into sobs, then hang up (added advantage of being true, my great-grandfather had same name after all…)
But they wore me down. I got caller ID and just don’t pick up now.
Speaking as professional fundraiser in training, NEVER give over the phone, unless it’s an organization that you’ve previously been actively involved in (i.e. alma mater, volunteer, etc.). If an unsolicited solicitation calls you and you are somewhat interested in giving to them, ask them to send you information via mail. ANY legitimate organization will jump at the opportunity to put a potential donor on their mailing list, especially if there’s an expressed interest to give. If they tell you they don’t have a mailing list, or can’t put you on it, they’re not legitimate.
All this reminds me of a call I took here at work once, before I was promoted. Nobody in that section has their own phone, the staff have to use either one of two communal phones. So, one day the phone rings and I pick it up and hear a woman’s voice. She is looking for the boss of a different section, the one I’m in now. Of course, each boss has their own phone but the one the caller was looking for happened to be close to that particular phone at that particular moment. So being helpful to the boss, I try to get the caller’s name. I instead ended up in some weird Abbott & Costello routine.
“Is the boss there?”
“Yes, she’s here. Who’s calling, please?”
“Is the boss there?”
“Yes, she’s here. Who’s calling, please?”
“Is the boss there?”
“Yes, she’s here. Who’s calling, please?”
“Is the boss there?”
“Yes, she’s here. Who’s calling, please?”
At that point, I gave up on trying to be helpful, got the boss’s attention, told her she has a call and that I have no idea who it is.
I love the guy that was wandering around our offices one day trying to sell framed prints out of the back of his car. Yeah, HR was real impressed with him… :rolleyes:
I do hate telemarketers. We use caller ID and the TeleZapper but still some calls get through. Normally the answering machine gets them but sometimes I answer them. A while back, I had the following conversation (of course, not word-for-word).
<Them> Is Mr. Fin_man in?
<Me> I’m sorry, he isn’t. Can I take a message?
<Them> Is is so and so from so and so.
<Me> Please put us on the do not call list.
<Them> You can’t ask for that, you are not Mr. Fin_man.
<Me> It doesn’t matter. Anybody can request that.
<Them> No, only Mr. Fin_man can.
<Me> Fine, I’m Mr. Fin_man.
<Them> Well, you are big liar.
<Me> Well, you are a rude ass. <click>
And since I tend to do the “He’s not home right now” bit, my wife asks why don’t I just say I am me and tell them to never call again. So, the other night I am home and the phone rings. I know it is a telemarketer so I’m going to try the “don’t call again” approach.
<Them> Is Mr. Fin_man home?
<Me> I’m sorry, he isn’t in right now. DAMN!!!
I felt like Chandler on Friends with the whole dating thing and “I had a great time, we should do this again.”
Ahh! A perfect place to rant about a VERY persistant telemarketer who pissed me off a while ago.
This guy called me not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES. He wanted to discuss “marketing options.” I told him politely but firmly that we were happy with our current marketing and not interested, and hung up. He calls me back. Annoyed, I told him the same thing again. AND HE CALLS BACK! AND AND AND!
He had the temerity to be mad AT ME! For hanging up on him! I was so furious I couldn’t think of a good response, I just forwarded him to my boss’ voicemail.
YOU are the telemarketer! You are the one intruding on me! I am the one who gets to decide whether or not the conversation will continue! Not you, you fucker!
Guy 1: “I hate that guy. Everything you say, he has to tell some story to top you.”
Guy 2: “What does he do?”
Guy 1: “He sells meat out of his trunk.”
Guy 2: “Is he successful?”
Guy 1: “He breaks even.”
So yes, there are people out there who will buy raw meat out of a stranger’s trunk.
The new tatic seems to be “people will buy from me if I’m rude.”
Recently at work I’ve gotten daily calls from a company that wants to know what kind of copier/printer we have in our office.
They’re obviously calling from a call center (the background noise), but refuse to ID their company.
My last conversation went like this:
Telemarketer: Hi! Quick! Tell me who buys your printer/copier supplies?
Me: The county purchasing department.
Tememarketer: NO they don’t! Seriously, who buys your supplies?
Me: The county purchasing department.
Telemarketer: Nuh-uh! You’re lying!
Me: No, I’m not lying. We get our supplies through purchasing.
Telemarketer: No you don’t. (sounding irritated and rude)
Me: I don’t have time for this. click
This is not a good way to get our business. Of course, I have no idea who it is so I can let everyone I know not to buy from them.
Rudest telemarketer I ever got was over office supplies as well.
TM: Where do you get your supplies?
Me: Office Depot, and we’re very happy with them, so could you put us on your do not call list?
TM: Don’t you want to save money?
Me: Please put us on your do not call list.
TM: I can save you money, and you don’t even want to–
Me: You’re actually violating federal law by continuing to sell to me after I’ve asked to be put on your do not call list.
TM: What the hell’s wrong with you? <click>
Gaaah! What the hell’s wrong with me, you syphilitic slug? What the hell’s wrong with me? I’ll tell you what the hell’s wrong with me, I put up with assholes on the phone far longer than I should, that’s what’s wrong with me.
As a fundraiser for a medium-sized nonprofit, I never ever do the hard sell to people. Sure, if they ask, I’ll direct them to our website, and if they choose to click on the “donate now through helping.org” button while they’re there, who am I to tell them otherwise? But I’d never hard-sell.
We do, however, write direct-mail pieces once a year to cold mailing lists (i.e., people who’ve never donated to us before). We usually get about a 2% response rate to these letters, as well as one or two insane rants about how we’re a bunch of evil puppykillers who they’ll never give money to and don’t ever write to them again.
I was going to start a thread about just this sort of thing. Part of my new job is answering the phones and disposing of phone solicitors. Orders are to hang up on them, but every so often I weaken. Thus, this conversation with someone from a long distance phone company.
<Me>May I ask what this is in reference to?
<PS>Are you the person who makes the decisions about long distance service?
<Me>No, I’m not. May I ask what this is in reference to?
<PS>Are you the person who makes the decisions?
: Repeat :
<Me>I cannot put you through to the person who makes the decisions unless I know what this is in reference to.
: Click :
Let me put it simply. I am not the person who makes decisions. I am the person who makes decisions about who gets to speak to the people who make decisions. Do not piss me off! The best you can hope for is I’ll put you through to the boss’s voice mail who will then delete the voicemail as soon as he hears it.
One more thing. When I say “I’m busy,” I mean it. I also mean you’ve got about 30 seconds to get to the point before I get on with 101 other things that are my duties. While I know it’s supposed to sound polite and friendly, any further questions about how my day’s going are just wasting both our time.
My roommate is having credit/financial issues right now, and while I’m not particularly fond of him (and have no qualms about mercilessly handing him over to solicitors/bill collectors) he’s rarely here when I am.
And bill collectors always assume I’m his wife!
“Hello?”
“This is NumbNut from Such and So, may I speak with Mr. Roommate?”
“No, I’m afraid he isn’t here, may I take a message?”
“This is NumbNut from Such and So. Am I speaking to Mrs. Roommate?”
“No, you are not.”
“Well, I’m calling Mr. Roommate and I’m from Such and So; it is very important that I reach him.”
“Well, I’ll let him know you called.”
“I am not speaking to Mrs. Roommate?”
“I AM NOT MARRIED TO THAT FAT BALDING FUCKER! GO AWAY!”
That last is, unfortunately, fiction; I have yet to go so far. But why do all bill collectors/telemarketers assume that any female who answers the phone is automatically bound in legal matrimony to whomever they are trying to reach?
We also get lots of calls from the local paper, trying to get us to subscribe; the only thing that shuts them up is when I tell them that I think the daily paper is a colossal waste of paper and that when I want to read it, I do so online. In order to save the trees and the landfills.
It’s funny; they can’t argue with it because a.) I’m admitting that I read their paper on their very own online version and b.) I have basically called them Tree Killers for trying to get me to do otherwise.
Someone from such-and-such phone company gave me their talk, and I listened. They asked me if I made the long distance telephone decisions for our company and I said “No.” They said, “Well, to take advantage of our special offer, just say you do.” When they put me on the phone with their supervisor and she asked if I made the decisions, I said “NO, but your fucking liar of an employee told me to say I do.” Dead silence, then they hung up.
Another time, a long distance phone employee swore they were from Ma Bell, and gave me a 800 number ending in Bell. I got on another line, dialed the number, and got some art studio in Pennsylvania. I connected the two companies and explained the situation. The phone company hung up and the art studio was mad.
Long distance phone companies. You gotta love them.