Advise Please on Teenager and Cigarettes

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My son is 16. He has been issued 3 tobacco fines over the last year or so.

We live in a small town. He has been in other trouble… nothing “Major” but a few things non the less.

The first citation (the fine is 252.00) he was 15 when he received it. His father paid for it, then he had to pay it back.

The second citation they offered him a tobacco class and community service.

The third he has to participate in “Teen Court” and community service.

This morning, we was walking to his friends house, the mother was taking them to school. They live 2 blocks down the street. I looked out my window and see my son lighting up a cigarette!!!:mad: Right out in the open, as if asking to be “caught” once again! Also, as I said it is a very small town, 4 blocks away is the police station.

He will be 17 in June, of course it is still illegal at 17. I do not condone it, I do not smoke so I do not know WHERE he gets the cigarettes.

But I do not understand WHY he did not learn after the first time… But to continue… UGH!

His father is in another city, he basically just "yells"over the phone.

I know I can not watch him 24/7 and he is a teen and is going to do what he wants to a degree (I just happened to look out the kitchen window) But I do not know what to do. I walked outside and yelled out to him “You Do Know That Is Illegal, Don’t You!!!”

So, now… what do I say when he gets home? Please give me suggestions. I have honestly run out of ideas. He has seen the film with the cancerous lung, he has been made to pay the fine, do community service… been grounded, etc.

I am lost… and more than that… I do not know what to say later this afternoon. Not saying anything will just appear I am “over it”

Please give me a few ideas.

Thanks in advance

2

I was 13 when I started smoking. I started (really) because “everyone else was doing it”. Now I keep trying to quit and keep tripping up - and it’s much more difficult than I thought it would be when I was 13.

What might have made a difference to me:

If I’d played sports and could see the difference in my lung function. I think that would have knocked me into quitting.

The idea that it really could kill me - not as some abstract “it’s harmful to your health” but “this is a deadly habit to have”.

Right now, that’s what I can think of that might have stopped me.

Can you take him to a hospital/to see someone who is sick/dying from the results of smoking - not just see a movie with the nasty lung in it, but to see what the real results are?

Can you encourage him to get involved (if he’s not) in some physical activity where the decreased lung capacity is a problem?

If he is already a sports player, can you take him to the doctor to have his lung capacity measured and compared to the averages for someone his age - so that he can see that it is hurting him, even if he feels like it isn’t?

3

I was 14 when I started. I got hooked within months. Have you considered the possibility that he might already be addicted, without realising it? This would explain his illogical behaviour.

My parents punished me, bribed me, etc., and I just ignored it. They’re both medics and I was well aware of the long-term effects. Nothing they did stopped me from the habit, and logic didn’t come into it. 20 years on I’m still smoking. :frowning:

Offer him hypnosis, maybe?

4

Have you seen your son smoking in situations where he WON’T be seen by friends,other people?

Could he be doing this just for the image,or attention?

5

If your primary problem is his smoking, my advice is just to relax. I would be surprised if there was a parent in history who managed to stop a teenager smoking. He might give up now or in a few years, he might be a lifelong smoker - there’s little you can do about it.

If the question is more about his obstinacy in the face of whatever parody of justice applies in your part of the world, a reasonable adult discussion might do the trick (or it might not). Don’t overreact and stay calm. Start off by making it clear that you are unhappy with his smoking. Then ask him why he persists with smoking in public, where he is liable to be prosecuted. Stress that he will have to take the full consequences of being caught if it happens again.

If the question is a wider one about his (typical teen) behaviour, that’s way out of my league. All I can say is to try to keep the lines of communication open and not to worry too much.

If it’s any help, I was a determined teen smoker and I gave up in my mid-twenties.

6

I noticed the thread just below this was “Advice on quitting smoking.”

You might sit him down and ask him calmly why he continues to smoke, whether he is addicted or whatever. If he is, those anti-smoking products might help him. If he’s doing it because he wants to, there’s not much you can do other than keep letting him pay the consequences of his actions.

7

He’s smoking because it is illegal. When you are 17 doing illegal things, especially when done in front of your friends, is cool. If authority figures get on your case about it, then congratulations, that makes you twice as cool!

So shouting at him about the illegalities is achieving the exact opposite of what you’re aiming.

I would concentrate more on giving the impression that smoking doesn’t make you look cool, nor sophisticated, nor older. It makes you smell and makes you look like a immature doofus who is trying to look cool. And that, as we know, is the most uncoolest thing of all. If you have to try it’s because you ain’t.

8

I caught my younger sister smoking when we were both in our teens. I, being the good brother that I am, forced her to smoke the entire pack right there. She fought against me but in the end she smoked the whole pack and got fairly sick off of it. She never smoked again.

9

You could forcefeed him a pack or two, and tell him that if he’s that determined to ruin his lungs, you’ll help him start on the stomach. :stuck_out_tongue:

Or when he next gets caught…leave him in jail. That’s what I’d do.

But then, I tend to be fairly…well, I’m weird.

So maybe my advice isn’t advice you should follow.

10

Tell him that "kissing someone who smokes is like licking an ashtray."

Plus, smoking isn’t cool.

The Fonz was the epitome of cool and did he smoke?:wink:

Nope.

Seriously, it may just be his way of rebelling. Not the healthiest or best way to do it, but it’s better then robbing gas stations.

11

Being a teen smoker myself, i can tell you that he wont quit because of fines or you disliking it or anything. The only thing that might force him to stop is realizing the real life consequences of it. Warn him that you will not pay his 252.00 fine for him next time, not drive him to court, nothing. If he wants to act like an adult, let him be one and see what its like. Tell him he better keep some money in reserve too, because you wont let him borrow money to pay his fine either. If you go through with this, hell probably think that you are just saying it, but when he has to borrow money from all his friends and ride his bike to court, he might not ever do it again.

12

Thanks for the advise.

I do not think he is addicted. He has seen the films and even an uncle get very ill with cancer. His father had a spot on his throat and he quit because of that. They made a pact they would stop, but apparently my son got over that fear (of the spot) as well.

He has done other things, not Serious, but still been in trouble.

I do not have any money to help him and he knows it, and have told him if he wants to be an adult… he is responsible for all of it.

Really, I am more irritated he (after being caught 3 times) was still stupid enough to walk down our street (where all the police know him by name and the police station is 4 blocks away). Not Bright!

It is his life, and he will be considered an adult at 17 (like if he is arrested, no more “Juvenal court”) So, he is making it hard on himself.

Anyway, thanks for the advice.

13

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Sapphire Wolf *
**You could forcefeed him a pack or two, and tell him that if he’s that determined to ruin his lungs, you’ll help him start on the stomach. :stuck_out_tongue:

It won’t take a pack, one or 2 cigarettes will be plenty. This is the technique my mother used, and it worked wonderfully.

I think i was between 13 and 16 when it was done…i’m 34 now and still sorta shudder at the sight of a cigarette butt or used ashtray.

In hindsight, i’m glad she did it too.

14

Blech!

I was being entirely facetious, SumLurker. The idea of forcefeeding someone…shivers

I’m glad it worked, though.

I think. :eek:

Goes off to shudder in horror

15

Every kid is different, of course, but you might try this:

Sit him down.

Tell him that you know you can’t stop him from smoking.

Tell him that you can’t stand the thought of helping him kill himself.

So you’re not gonna pay for it. Period.

Then stop giving him money. And I mean completely. He needs clothes? If he has a job, make him buy his own. If he dosen’t, you have a responsibility to clothe him, so take him shopping, DON"T give him cash. Don’t give him gas money or the gas card, ever. Don’t give him lunch money (buy sandwitch stuff). If he gets an allowance, cut it off. Don’t pay him to mow the lawn. Pay the neighbor boy instead. If he has a job, don’t drive him there. If he has a car, don’t pay for anything on it–every penny you spend on the car is a penny he turns around and spends on ciggarettes.

If he asks about “how long”, say "This isn’t like being grounded, honey. It isn’t a punishment. I’m not trying to change you. YOu’re too old for that. It’s just that I can’t stand to help you kill yourself. "

You have to decide what to do when he lies and says that he quit smoking–which he will do.

Even if this doesn’t stop him completely, it will slow him down: he can only bum so long before it gets to be seriously uncool. And it will ease your conscience: you WON"T be contributing.

Realize I’m saying this as a person who bought ciggarrettes with her lunch money for four years.

16

Some good opinions in here.

I started when I was 15. I grew up addicted to cigarettes because my parent’s didn’t know about the affects of second hand smoke. I remember going on numerous 4 or more hour trips as a kid with windows rolled up and both of my parents smoking like chimneys. I couldn’t quit then because I was addicted before I even started.

With some people, all it takes is one puff.

I would stop trying to stop your kid from smoking. If the law can’t do it, neither can you. However, I would sit down and have a talk with him. If that is not possible anymore, I would suggest trying a school counselor.

Be thankful that your kid is not into something more harmful…but be aware that nicotine is a stepping stone drug that can lead to other bad habits.

I wouldn’t punish him anymore for his habit. Let the law take care of it. I would not bail him out the next time. Furthermore, I would also likely have a talk with the local police department. Tell them you are concerned and what you plan to do.

Always try to be supportive. “I told you so” doesn’t work with kids…they need to learn on their own.

Finally…I have to ask this…is this the only delinquant behavior in which your child participates? If it is, count yourself lucky. If it isn’t, you have much bigger fish to fry.

17

Manda JO is right, once he realizes just how much cash smoking eats up it stops being fun. That being said IMHO it does kinda seem like his behavior is a plea for attention.

18

I sat my 15 year old stepson down and said: " I don’t care if you smoke or not when you’re an adult, you’re the one that’s going to pay for your cancer treatments when you’re old and weak. But, when you’re in my house, you are not allowed to smoke."

I also cut him off from all money, it worked for a little while.

19

I caught my son with his cigarets a couple of months ago. (I should mention, I still smoke.)

I told him it was a stupid thing to start, because it’s so hard to stop. I am living proof of that.

I told him it was a stupid thing to spend money on.

I told him the smell would stay in his hair (he has dreadlocks) and on his clothes, and even though he wouldn’t notice it, everyone else would.

I told him it was more likely his smoking friends would accept him as a non-smoker than his non-smoking friends would accept him as a smoker.

I told him that I didn’t smoke in the house or the car, and that I expected him not to smoke in the house and the car.

I told him if he needed a little help getting over it, I would buy him the gum so he could wean himself off. After the first pack, he would be on his own.

He thanked me for treating him like an adult and not yelling or being judgemental. I can’t say for sure that he quit, but we haven’t smelled smoke on him.

20

This

worries me. Has he fallen in with a bad crowd or is he a solitary delinquent?

Do you have a relative or family friend a long way away (preferably abroad) who would take him for the whole summer?