On another message board, a teenager posted about how she (age 14) is dating an 18 year old, and how their age difference isn’t a problem because they aren’t being intimate due to legal reasons, but that the big problem with their relationship is that she used to date the young man’s younger half brother, who is now very angry about his older half brother dating his ex.
I advised her that it was my opinion that dating her was a bad idea for the 18 year old, because the family relationship should be more important than a romance, and that while they could find other people to date, the 18 year old wasn’t going to be able to replace his brother, and that it wasn’t a good thing for him to be doing.
Everyone else on that other message board seems to think I’m completely wrong, and that it’s very likely that the 14 and 18 year old will end up getting married, and that brothers fight anyway over other things so this doesn’t matter.
Do you think I’m as out of line as all that? … convince me?
!!! :eek: :eek: 14?! I mean, they’re already planning this girl’s marriage at 14? Eh?
No, i think you were perfectly right, and I think this situation just screams for drama. Ugh.
A girlfriend from when you were 14 or 15 (assuming the younger brother’s age) shouldn’t drive a life-long wedge between you and your sibling but then neither should someone need to date their sibling’s former romances.
But even if we call that 50/50, the 14-18 thing is enough to tip me firmly into the “Stop dating her” camp.
I think that you’re trying to give dating advice to a 14 year old girl who thinks that it’s fine to be dating an 18 year old, after she already dumped his younger half-brother.
In other words, this will likely be a trainwreck, but nothing you say will go through, so you may as well save your breath.
Thanks Munch. Teenage girls these days are partially reverting to the nineteenth century maybe? Except they’re keeping their smart phones. Thank you for the sanity check, Jophiel. And thank you for the backup, Anaamika. If your mom did date your uncle when she was a young teen, it’d be a good counter example to me, tdn (otherwise not so much). =D I was shocked at how much disdain there was for what I thought was an obvious statement that a romance of a 14 year old was unlikely to be life-long. My own mom and dad did start dating when they were 14 and 15, but they got divorced when I was in elementary school, so that didn’t last in their case. And she never dated any of his brothers! I don’t think marrying your boyfriend from age 14 is as common now as it was in girls starting to date in the 1950s, either.
My dad actually dated my mom’s sister before he dated my mom. My mom and dad were married for 14 years (not happily for the last, oh, 10 or so). But they weren’t a good match because my mom’s a control freak and my dad’s an abusive asshole, it didn’t have anything to do with my aunt.
So, I don’t think dating an ex’s sibling HAS to be an issue, but in this case it clearly is. Not that it matters, because 14 year olds are stupid. 18 year olds are stupid, too. In 10 years they’ll probably both look back and cringe, but there’s nothing you can do to hasten their epiphanies. Good advice, sure, but it’s going to fall on deaf ears. I wouldn’t waste time trying to convince them otherwise.
This happened on a messageboard for teenagers, I’m guessing?
That would explain the others giving such crazy advice.
You’ve offered good advice. If the girl doesn’t want to take it, then I’d just walk away from the situation.
