Again with the annoying commercials!

Bob Ross and the Mountain Dew. Please, just stop it.

CNN has a weird promo for their recent Lincoln show: Lincoln is standing in the shadows of the Lincoln Memorial looking up at himself. I’m going to guess they think it’s somehow profound.

“Grab a bandage from the cabinet”

“I’m bleeding!”

“Grab two…”

It’s more puzzling than annoying, but why is Bayada Nurses running a decades-old ad for their services? The image of the nurse consulting her paper map in the dimly-lit cabin of her truck doesn’t inspire much confidence.

I hate, hate, HATE those fucking Cadbury egg ads. I hate the sound, I hate the look, and what the hell is up with the crippled dog??? We don’t need that!

There is a Wendy’s commercial featuring what I assume is a sports figure from yesteryear. He’s wearing a striped suit which, if it were in black & white, would make him appear to be Nazi concentration camp prisoner.

And he’s supposedly living in that particular Wendy’s! Does COVID not exist there?

That’s Reggie Miller, and yeah I don’t get it either.

I really dislike the new Jared commercial, featuring a Melania look-alike. Ick. Won’t these people just go away?

If William Shatner couldn’t kill Rocket Man I don’t think this commercial can either. Elton John is in his early 70s and I imagine retirement isn’t too far away for him so he might as well squeeze a few more bucks where he can. And it’s not like Elton John has been above partnering with corporations who use his music to sell their product before now.

Isn’t Elton John almost as bad as Willie Nelson when it comes to spending money?

Elton John was famous for his spending, on real estate, art, clothes and flowers.

So was Willie.

There’s a new one out from, I don’t even know who, where the dad is walking around Pompeii eating a sandwich as Vesuvius erupts. He’s asking the citizens running for their lives what year it is until one responds “it’s 79AD!”

Every time I see it I want to shout “A Pompeiian would have no idea what AD was! They counted years from the founding of Rome! Argh!”

The latest in the “real people, not actors” where the people roll up their sleeves to show more skin, except they keep picking people who shouldn’t be rolling up their sleeves.

First ad, a trombone player in a marching band. Um, that’s a uniform. They are supposed to have their sleeves down. Even in Texas in 100 degree heat. If it is too hot, the whole team will compete in T-shirts. But if the uniforms are worn, they are worn sleeves down.

Similarly, the new ad has a cheerleader who rolls up her sleeves. So why is she the only one? And while we are at it, what kind of a routine is that where she just stands there and does nothing?

This Downy commercial that recycles a Paul Anka song from a Kodak commercial.

Trouble is, antidepressant ads aren’t dark enough.

I just read a passage in a Jim Thompson novel that would be perfect, narrated over scenes of mayhem and destruction.

“Add three billion to the planet’s mass, subtract kindness and caring, and you were left not with an unkindly, uncaring three billion, but death…
There would be no refuge from the coming terror, no place to hide. No familiar thing to cling to. Something would become nothing, robbed of its intrinsic beauty and safety, and all else. There would be only a smoking, steaming, blown-apart, crushed together, mishmash where brother was himself eaten by brother while eating brother, ad nauseum, ad infinitum.”

“Trintellix can make this existence bearable, for a time.”

(fade to black)

Prescriptions would skyrocket, I tell you.

Yah, and there was another one a while ago featuring Marco Polo, and a llama. I guess we need to double-down on world history in basic education.

As I said around the time that GIECO Marco Polo commercial was running:

I suppose everyone is expected to know the backstory of the old sports guy who runs around batting things out of people’s hands. Can’t get much more obnoxious than that, but I’m sure they’ll try.