Ah, the joys of the Georgia Lege!

The Georgia state senate is debating something called the “Woman’s Right to Know Act”, which requires that women who want to have abortions be told about “the physical and emotional risks of having an abortion”; that they can have the baby and put it up for adoption; that they’ll burn in hell if they have an abortion; and so forth. (OK, I made up that last one.) (I think.) Anyway, in the article on this in today’s Atlanta Journal-Constitution I found this gem:


Not merely a state senator, but…A physician?!?

Not being a physician myself, I would have naively thought that women who are raped might, ceteris paribus, even have a greater chance of getting pregnant, not having had a chance to “prepare their bodies” with assorted wicked and unnatural devices and potions for defying God’s commandment to be fruitful and multiply, but of course I’m not a state senator, so what do I know?

The worst part of it is, I can’t even express the unqualified desire that the people of Dalton and the surrounding area un-elect Sen. Dr. Thomas at the first opportunity, ‘cause if they chuck the fool, he presumably will just have more time to devote to his medical practice. Maybe he’s just a heart surgeon or, I dunno, a podiatrist or something; but I have this terrible dread that he’s some kind of general practice regular doctor, though. "A prescription for birth control pills? Now, darlin’, why would you want a thing like that? Oh, don’t worry about birth control, honey. You can’t get pregnant if he doesn’t buy you dinner first."

(He can’t be a gynecologist… Right? Please?)

I mean, I know women are big on all that “foreplay” stuff, but I had no idea that I’m not only trying to get her to have an orgasm, but that (under the appropriate circumstance of One-Man One-Woman Divinely Sanctioned Holy Matrimony, of course) it’s my manly duty to get her to ovulate as well. [Jack Dean Tyler]No doubt uncircumcised men have an advantage here, as they can use their prehensile foreskins to coax the woman’s ovaries into a state of “preparation”.[/Jack Dean Tyler]

Of course I recollect that a state representative from our illustrious sister state of North Carolina, one Henry Aldridge according to Google, made a similar statement; something along the lines of “the juices not flowing”. And by gum (no pun intended*), he was a doctor too; a periodontist. (*OK, I lied about the no pun intended.) Where do they get these people, anyway? Is there some kind of Bizarro World Medical Association devoted to spreading this stuff around? “Women can’t get pregnant if they’re raped!” “Douching with Coca-Cola is an excellent method of birth control!” “Colds are caused by people getting their feet wet!” “First, me do harm!”

Anyway, Sen. Dr. Thomas, you are, to put this as politely as possible, a living poster boy for ignorance, an embarrassment to the state of Georgia (and it’s not like we need any more help), an enemy of the stated goals of this message board, a disgrace to both of your chosen professions, and a cretinous lout. Mencken would have loved you. The dictionary has a picture of you in it next to the entry for “benighted”. Entire web sites are devoted to people like you. (Seesnopes.com”) It’s people like you who give both the South as a whole and state legislatures across the nation a bad name. Please go back to medical school, or better yet, buy yourself a nice used car dealership.

The article is online here. I don’t know what kind of doctor this guy is, but that’s definitely a frightening comment for a physicial to make.

Oh, and he’s apparently in family practice

We had a doctor running for US Senate a few years ago that made a similar claim - He just couldn’t see how a raped woman got pregnant because she produced a “Hormonal Shield” that prevented conception. (He’s an Ophthalmologist)

Gets worse though. After he was defeated, he was appointed to head a state agency. Anyone want to guess which one?

Yep. Arkansas Department of Health.

I shit you not.

I don’t know about that, but I do know that women can’t get pregnant if they don’t reach orgasm. I’ve taken solace in that fact many times.

Why are you shaking your head?

Oh, joy. No doubt he warns all his patients about the Kidney Snatchers too, and the dangers of getting AIDS from needles stuck down between the seats in movie theaters.

The Bizarro World Medical Association strikes again! On the one hand, at least it shouldn’t normally come up much in his actual particular practice of medicine. On the other hand, he probably tells all his patients that the likely cause of their vision problems is “self abuse”.

Well as long as she’s a virgin. And she’s on top. And she jumps up and down real good afterwards, then douches with good old Coca-Cola: Coke–It Adds (or Prevents, as the Case May Be) Life!

Now I’ve got that damn jingle stuck in my head. And I don’t even remember what it was a jingle for.