:eek:
That’s shocking nowadays, but not so long ago, it was actually fairly common (and as disastrous as one might imagine). Glad that one apparently worked out.
My maternal grandmother’s parents got married shortly after 1900, when they were both 16. No, she wasn’t pregnant; they had the first of their 9 children three years later. They too were together until he died in an accident when he was about 60 years old.
Or better yet, not impregnating her at all. :dubious:
I’m with you right up to “say things that make him think that things aren’t working out”. Why not just be supportive and see what happens? It might work out in the long run.
Lancia, you didn’t say if they had set a date. Have they?
Why come up with strategies for sabotaging someone’s marriage? Especially when (presumably) you don’t know any of the people involved - or even if you do. It strikes me as a particularly disrespectful and oddly callous thing to say.
And… Problems are “sure to pop up”? Where did you buy the crystal ball? Can I get one too?
In 1980, I found myself alone with a girl after a party was over. We knew each other in passing, but that was all. The next morning we woke up together and went to breakfast. We moved in together before the week was over, and I proposed within the first month. I was 22, she was 21.
We’re still married 38 years later, so I guess it works out sometimes.
I spent one summer in Europe and shortly after I arrived my sister met a guy. The relationship went from just meeting to engaged before I got back to the States three months later. I remember telling her that it would be nice if she delayed the wedding long enough that I might meet her fiancee before the wedding. They are still married all these years later.
sounds like he is, as a couple of others have pointed out.
Perhaps just from personal experience of seeing people who keep trying to stick it out in relationships that don’t work. Anyone can make a marriage last a lifetime, but that doesn’t mean they should. This couple does not seem right for each other and I would be very surprised if this will be a healthy relationship.
So my previous advice should have the caveat that you should evaluate the situation and decide what to do. If the wife is having affairs and siphoning his money dry, don’t encourage him to work it out. But if he’s mad that she’s not loading the dishwasher right, try to get him to compromise.
I talked to my wife last night about the possibility of my nephew being autistic. She was an IA in a special needs classroom for years before transitioning to a pre-K private childcare center. I figured she’d have a better answer than I would about the autism question. She said that no, he’s never been evaluated and in her opinion isn’t autistic. His weird outlook on the world, she thinks, can be explained by 1) his extreme shyness (so he never really dealt with people outside of his family or church), and 2) the fact that his dad is wired similarly. I’m not sure I buy that 100%, but she’s a better judge of such things than I am.
I’m certainly not going to try to talk him out of the wedding. For one thing, since he’s so damn twitterpated right now I doubt I could find 5 minutes to talk to him without her hanging on his shoulder. But more importantly it’s not my place. As I noted upthread if I knew I could take him aside and convince him to wait a while and actually get to know this woman better before committing a lifetime to her I would. But I can’t; he’s in too deep.
They have set a date, September 29. So that means from first date to getting hitched will be a bit under 8 months, having known each other for less than a year.
Since she’s been married once before the church they attend may strongly recommend that. I’m not sure how beneficial it is—my wife and I went through non-religious pre-marital counseling and we both considered it a waste of time—but hey, any port in a storm.
Perhaps I’m being overly peevish about this whole thing. As I think back on my own relationship with my wife I’m not so sure we were a helluva lot different. I was actually younger than him when I met my now-wife; I had just turned 19. We did the whole lets-get-married-but-don’t-tell-anyone-about-the-engagement 4 months into it and announced our engagement a year or so later. But we waited two years to get married and lived with each other that whole time. We both worked full-time jobs and my wife had been living on her own for a year or two when I met her. I like to think we were both emotionally more mature than my nephew is, but what do I know?
I’m currently a graduate student and a few weeks ago started putting together a committee for my thesis. Everything seems to be stressing me out more than usual so maybe I’m just not being objective.
Two people at my secondary school got married to each other aged 16/17*. Proper sweethearts from a young age, and still together thirty-odd years later. I don’t know them well, but it seems to have worked for them.
- and it wasn’t a pregnancy-must-get-married thing either
Good luck with your thesis Lancia! Try not to worry about your nephew too much. He’s set the wedding 8 months from now, which I think gives them still more time to get acquainted. Focus on what’s in front of you right now. You’ve got a lot on your plate!
I have three brothers and their first and only wives all married before age twenty and still married 35-45 years later. 1-3 year courtships during or soon after high school in all three cases. I got engaged 4 months after I met my wife 30 years ago.
Initially, the :eek:offended me, but I decided to expand on my post rather than escort this thread to the Pit.
They grew up on substinence farms in rural Arkansas in the 1930’s. Neither went to school past 6th grade because they had to help feed the families by working the land. Really, it was an entirely different society. My father in law became a millionaire by dint of his work ethic and native intelligence.
Lancia, was this boy home-schooled or did he always attend a school affiliated with his church, and his childhood social life was centered around it too?
Are you willing to say what denomination it is?
Graduated college mothers day 1992, got married Aug 1st, turned 22 three weeks later. I knew her my entire 4 years in college, but still married young and still together. once I got together with her there was absolutely no reason to look anywhere else. So, figured we’d make it legal.
Wow.
He actually went to public school—a conservative, small town public school, but a public school nonetheless.
They’re Pentecostal, which I’m sure surprises nobody. My wife wonders if they’re getting married just so they can fuck each other without it being, in their eyes, a sin.
I’ve been in many wedding parties and attended the weddings of a large number of friends.
I make it a point of pride that I have personally advised every single groom to leave right before the ceremony. “I’d advise you to run. Leave right now. I’ll tell her what happened, and I’ll even take your tux back to the rental place. Just get in your car and drive. I know what I’m talking about.”
Eventually this gets back to the bride and I get in some hot water. I am usually able to explain that this was a great test to ensure her husband’s commitment. After all, he went through with it, didn’t he, even after my sage advice?
Except that two guys did exactly what I advised. When I drink with them nowadays, I never have to get out my wallet.