You and the facts of civil law will have to agree to disagree, then.
I married my wife when I was 20 and she was 21. I was still in college. Fifteen years later we are still going strong.
I liked marrying young because you can figure out life and grow together. There is no “yours” and “mine” because when we started we had literally nothing and everything we have we obtained together.
This is in contrast to having two fully independent people (with their own habits, their own stuff) and trying to smash them together. That’s hard. I am kind of an weirdo and if I had been allowed to make my own way for a decade, I am not sure any woman would be patient enough to make a marriage work.
48 years ago today, I married the man I love. I was barely 20, he was 23.
Still crazy after all these years.
That’s a good point also applying somewhat to us (26/24 at marriage 6 months after meeting). At least in comparison to one of our kids considering marriage in early 30’s to somebody slightly older. And wrt length of courtship my sense is that their quite long one compared to us tends to create a dynamic where they suspect one another of lack of commitment (at least the woman toward the man, which if the customary instant accusations of ‘ism’ could be suspended, seems in practice to be the more common case). A long courtship isn’t necessarily a 100% unalloyed positive of ‘getting to be really sure so it lasts forever’.
That said I didn’t and wouldn’t recommend my kids get married very young or very fast, though if I could shoot myself back in time I’d be if anything more chafing at the bit to marry her knowing what a life companion she’s turned out to be. It’s just a generally bad idea to get involved in adult kids’ lives to the point of serious advice that’s not asked for, though I doubt many parents can 100% resist doing so (or sometimes aunts and uncles either).
Just to comment on OP’s attitude toward this, I assume ‘crazy chick vibe’ is honestly what OP perceives, not gratuitously insulting somebody anonymously. The thumbnail sketch of the young woman is still pretty negative and it doesn’t seem ‘utter crap’ to me to think OP sees her as the more negative actor here based on the info we have.
The annulment process is the last vestige of the Catholic Church’s attempts to maintain a stranglehold around the necks of its followers. SWMBO is Catholic and in order for us to be married “in the church”, I had to go through this process. I objected at first, but it was important to her, so I did it. Page after page of bullshit, nothing more.
I would never get married young. I’m already 32, and my bf and I still couldn’t see ourselves married until at least 35. But that’s just me, I guess.
Had a friend that was Mormon in college. She got married to her bf the same month they graduated college. They were both 22. They still are married today.
To each their own. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
Getting married foolishly or impulsively isn’t necessarily a problem. Marriage can be a great experience even if it ends quickly. YOLO! Elope to Vegas! But the big problems happen when the marriage ends yet the couple is still entangled financially or through parenting. That means that a bad marriage can’t just be moved on from and put in the past. So if anyone getting married young or impulsively were to ask me for sage advice, I would say to try to limit exposures to those kinds of issues.
For financial matters, keep separate accounts for a while and make sure there is financial equity. If both spouses have similar assets and income, there won’t be alimony issues after a breakup. If one spouse quits working to stay home, that will lead to higher alimony payments.
Kids are going to complicate matters–both adding stress to the relationship and co-parenting issues after a breakup–so wait a while before becoming parents.
Of course, I’m sure the young, impulsive couple will gladly accept and follow such advice, so it’ll be good times ahead either way.
“… it’s none of my business …”
“… it’s none of my business …”
“… it’s none of my business …”
(Repeat 100 times a day until your suicidal impulses subside.)
When you get involved in the relationships of others, you risk becoming the “Fall Guy” for every problem they have hence forth. I have a friend who is a cop, and he hates domestic dispute calls because there is so much emotion and instability involved with the participants.
While the RC annulment process is certainly the best known annulment scenario in the US, and while you’re right that it is insane for a whole bunch of reasons, I believe the OP and **Nawth Chucka **are referring to what is sometimes called “civil annulment,” which does not (necessarily) involve churches. In my state, for instance, annulment can be an option if one or both spouses is under 18 at the time of marriage, or if one is “incurably” mentally ill, or if fraud was involved, or a few other things. I don’t believe it’s used very often, but it does legally expunge the marriage.
Nawth Chucka, I’m curious about what you mean when you say that an annulment does not meana failed marriage. Are you basing this on (what I would consider) the narrow grounds that an annulment means there was no marriage, thus nothing to fail? I mean, I think it’s clear that in just about all cases of civil annulment, the *relationship *did fail. You can get married at age 17 and do just fine, as several posters have suggested; the annulment only becomes necessary if something in the marriage/relationship goes wrong and somebody wants out. Would you agree that an annulment usually or always represents a failed *relationship *if not a failed marriage, or are you saying something else? Thanks.
To the OP; I got married at 22 and we are coming up on 35 years together, but there are a lot of reasons why I don’t think your nephew’s situation matches mine. I share your concerns but agree with others that staying out of it is good advice. Sigh.