Airplane, Airplane 2 and Police Squad- your favorite quotes

What about my little key store?

They all are. While not in the style of the others, it’s at least still frm Z-A-Z.

Chief: “Just bring him in for questioning! Trump up a charge if you have to!”
Drebin, as narrator: So I brought him in for using the pictures, descriptions and accounts of a major league baseball game without the express written permission of major league baseball.

Starring Rex Harrison as Abraham Lincoln.
Abe’s sitting in the box at the theatre and gets his hat shot off. He instantly wheels around and returns fire.

Johnny the shoeshine guy giving advice to Joyce Brothers and Tommy Lasorda.

Act I. Yankees 0.

an inexact quote from memory, it goes something roughly like:

"An informant told us the vehicle could be found at the docks. " (scene cut to a doctors surgery.)

I liked the stupid sight gags in Police Squad:

“Don’t worry, ma’am. We have officers working around the clock to get your daughter back.” (In background are three police officers, working around a grandfather clock.)

“Word on the street is that you have a piece of every fighter in town.” (In the out-of-focus background you can make out a closet with what appear to be mannequin heads, arms, torsos, etc.)

“We called a Tow Truck.” (As the speak, up comes a truck shaped like a toe.)

Drebin is about to sneak up on a criminal while carrying a gun.

“Cover me!”

Someone throws a blanket over him.

In Police Squad they step outside, into the Japanese garden and there are Japanese people standing in flowerpots with soil up to their shins.

Title from the Police Squad TV show:

**Act II


Frank Drebbin owns a boxer. Scenes of the boxer training, followed by the boxer playing the saxophone. Frank Drebbin puts his hand on the boxer’s shoulder and shakes his head.

“No sax before a fight.”
And, of course -

For the life of me, I cannot understand why that show wasn’t one of the biggest hits in television history.


Sight gags, indeed. My favorites from Airplane! are:

The opening, with the Jaws! theme playing as the tailfin if an airplane moves menacingly closer through a crowd.

The cabbie who takes a customer, sets his meter and leaves the cab. At the end of the movie, we are brought back to see him, the meter is in the hundreds of dollars, and the passenger is still sitting there, in the same position, and says, “I’m giving him five more minutes, and that’s it!”

“Get all emergency vehicles out there on the tarmac!”
And, speeding out onto the tarmac we see a fire engine, an ambulance, and a Budweiser delivery truck.

Doctor from the Mayo Clinic: You have a little girl on your plane who’s going to get a heart transplant…we have a replacement heart for her right here.
And, jumping like a frog on his desk is a beating heart.

(the above was also the subject of one of the best verbal jokes…“Captain Oveur, the Mayo Clinic is on line one, and Jack Hamm is on line five.” “Give me Hamm on five, hold the Mayo.”)

Ticket agent: Smoking or non-smoking?
Stryker: Smoking, please.
Ticket agent hands him a ticket with smoke coming out of it.

Lord, I love that movie, and pretty much anything from the ZAZ crew.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“He thinks he’s Ethel Mermen”

Cut to scene of the real Ethel Mermen belting out a song in her hospital bed and getting tranquilized by the staff.

One of the best sight gags is from Airplane 2.
There’s a scene where a man was talking to another person through what looks like a monitor, but it is actually a door!

Best ZAZ Sight gag?

“That’s when I realized… I had a drinking problem.” Splash

And then there’s this lovely bit of insanity:

Tower : Flight 2-0-9er, you’re cleared for take off.
Oever : Roger!
Murdock : Huh?
Tower : L.A. departure frequency 1-2-3 point 9er.
Oever : Roger!
Murdock : Huh?
: Re-quest Vector, over!
Oever : What?
Tower : 2-0-9er clear for vector 2-3-4.
Murdock : We have clearance Clarence.
Oever : Roger, Roger. What’s our Vector Victor?
Tower : Tower’s radio clearance, over!
Oever : That’s Clarence Oever! Oever.
Tower : Roger.
Murdock : Huh?
Tower : Roger, over.
Murdock : Huh?
Oever : Huh?

In Top Secret, what were the names of the French guerillas? All I can remember is

Chocolate Mousse

and of course

Deja Vu (Haven’t we met before?)

Best sight gags:

from *The Naked Gun *–“I must kill the Queen.”

From Airplane–Two people with tow-strap luggage pass each other in the terminal. As they pass, their suitcases start sniffing and growling at each other.

Also, the scene where the man has to fight his way through the various nuns, Hare Krishnas, and other give-to-charity panhandlers.

How about the Kentucky Fried Movie ? From the Fistful of Yen short, “We are building an army of extraordinary magnitude!”

From time to time in our home we make use of this handy phrase – “I am cooking a dinner of extraordinary magnitude!” “I am hanging a picture of extraordinary magnitude!” Honestly, though, only one of my kids thinks it’s funny.

zamboniracer It is Rex HAMILTON as Abraham Lincoln.
kazzle You remembered the “little keystore” pun. Here in Boston, there is a small “nook” (probably about 5 feet wide amongst a bunch of office buildings) and all it does it make copies of keys. The ZAZ cognoscenti refer to it as “the little keystore”.

The first Police Squad episode was hilarious with the conversation about 2 victims of a shooting - Ralph Twice and Jim Fell. I can’t remember the exact quotes but it was great “So you shot Twice?” “No Twice shot once. I shot Twice and then Jim Fell”. “So you shot BOTH people?” And so on.

Seems a lot of people enjoyed the kidnapping episode (with the Japanese garden). I think it was called “The Butler Did It” (although the announcer said something totally different such as "tonight’s episode - “Revenge and Remorse”. (That was another “Police Squad” trademark.)

Okay a good quote from that one. A ransom note is tied to a pane of GLASS and thrown into a ROCK garden !!! Later Ed Hawken and Frank Drebin have this conversation:

Ed: We got a ransom note. We sent it to the lab. They want a million dollars.
Frank: Why does the lab want a million dollars?

I hope this thread goes for several pages !!!

Kentucky Fred Movie - yeah another great one.

The courtroom scene.

A lawyer asks the defendant about his shirt. Was he wearing that shirt on the night of the murder? What is the shirt made of?
“OBJECTION !!! Immaterial”.

The lawyer then instructs the witness to follow him to the back of the courtroom.
“OBJECTION !!! Counsel is leading the witness.”

::sigh:: Well, you asked for it.

I believe the line is: “it’s a big building with patients but…”

And I believe the previous one about the sun was “it’s the hot, fiery ball at the center of the solar system but…”

And might as well round out this note with:

Stewardess: “Sir, you are wanted up in the cockpit:
Striker: " The cockpit! what is it?”
Stewardess: “It’s the little room at the front of the plane where the pilot sits but that’s not important right now”


Memorable Police Squad sight gag:

Drebbin’s playing poker around a table with a bunch of guys. It’s one guy’s turn to bet and he’s broke. Trying to find something to put in the pot he pulles out a pair of stuffed dice, to which Drebbin responds:

wait for it

“No Dice”


This thread really should be open to all ZAZ works – limiting it to just three movies is cruel!

My memory is a bit spotty, so no quotes, but two of my favorite Airplane! bits:

  1. The two kids drinking coffee. “I like my coffee like I like my men – strong and black.:smiley:

  2. The whole “You’re Wilt Chamberlain!” “No, I’m not.” exchange in the cockpit.