At work yesterday, at Family Court, I heard one of my co-workers assisting someone at the counter. Apparently, she was helping him to understand the DNA test results which he had received with regard to couple of paternity petitions.
Her side of the conversation:
"It says that THIS one is yours, and THIS one isn’t yours. Right, it says you’re not the younger one’s father.
No, I don’t know who the father is…"
Overheard anything amusing at work lately?
Overheard from a just-engaged coworker who was showing off her engagement ring to a group of people: “I’ve got the ring on my finger now, and there are going to be some changes made. First of all, he’s got to lose weight. Not just for me – he needs to look more presentable so he can find a better job.”
<one male and one female voice in the office beside mine>
f: Careful putting it in.
m: Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.
f: Make it go in straight! I don’t want it bent!
m: It’s okay if it bends a little. Besides it’s stiff enough.
f: It’s hitting the bottom! It’s too long.
m: Not it’s not.
<quiet pause>
m: Hey, with this all the way inside, will it still be able to hold all 28 ounces?
:eek: 
Turns out, these two were inspecting a new spray-dispenser bottle for one of our chemical products.
Weird, I was just considering posting this to a new thread… On my way into the break room to grab a soda, I saw two (female) co-workers chatting.
“And that’s why I always make sure to have extra batteries”.
It helps (?) the funny if you’ve got a mind that immediately leaps to the dirtiest interpretation.
Eileen, the woman who held my position before me… just passed away. Apaprently she died suddenly of some “Mad Cow Disease-like” ailment. Seriously.
Word spread among the our clients so the office has been recieving calls of sympathy/confirmations.
One client, who is best described as a Bugs Bunny looking mama’s boy, called and asked if it was true that Betty had just died. Betty is a woman who worked here for years but retired some time ago. She is also very much alive and had actually been the person who called to tell the office that Eileen had died.
My boss told the Bugs Bunny looking mama’s boy, “Oh no. Eileen passed. Betty is very much alive.” The stinker’s response was “I was told it was Betty. You better check.” “Mr (Bugs Bunny looking mama’s boy), I assure you, Betty is fine.” “But I was told it was Betty. Are you sure you aren’t mistaken?” “I’m sure.”
I wish you could have said, "Good idea, hold on and I’ll check again, followed by rummaging around noises, a faint cry of “Betty? Betty? Could you come here a minute, please?” and a shriek of “Oh NO! Oh my GOD! My GOD! Betty! Betty! Somebody call an ambulance!!!”
Sheesh.
:: looks around::
“If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.”
:: d & r::
-foxy