“Awright, you fargin’ iceholes, which of you corksuckin’ somanumbatching bastiches drank my coke?!?” (Watch the movie “Johnny Dangerously” for more of these little beauties.)
Or there’s always the all-purpose Smeg, for your daily swearing needs (works even better if you can pull it off with a Scottish accent).
“Smeg! I can’t get the smeggin’ smegger to work!”
And then there’s the (Cantonese, I think) dieu! (Apparently, very dirty - the guys who were always saying it around me wouldn’t tell me what it meant, but they said it a lot, and with feeling!)
Slimkid, RI-IGHT, and when I call you a “corpsefucker” it has no sexual connotations. If you feel that this is offensive, your are exposing your own necrophiliac tendencies. It’s just a word. What it means is your own creation because, hey, I left out the space, you syphliticcorpsefucker.
Sorry, I think it’s supposed to be “corkstacker”. But “corksucker” works too.
Just out of curiosity, slimkid, why would “niggerchrist” be so filthy? Is “christ” filthy? Are “niggers” filthy? What makes this saying so filthy to you?
Hmmm… the object of the exercise is for me to be able to relieve my feelings, not for me to cause genuine and massive offense amongst my colleagues. Slimkid, I don’t know how things are where you come from, but here on the planet Earth, your suggestion would cause that level of offense… it would cross a line. And, were I to make use of it, I think another line would shortly be figuring in my future, and it would be an unemployment line. I think I’m a lot better off sticking to sexual and scatological terms, don’t you?
(Do racial or cultural epithets even work as swearwords, anyway? For example, do Irish Republicans hit their thumbs with hammers and shout “Oh, Protestants!”? Can one envisage Chinese Communists yelling “aargh, Americans, I’ve left the iron on!” ? Doesn’t work for me…)
I’ve had some success lately with the Simpsonian “Holy flurking schnidt!”
Sounds dirty as hell, but isn’t really, and has the advantage of making colleagues laugh like drains which in turn makes me laugh, so it’s a win-win situation.
This is usually a signal to me that The Beatings Must Begin. When I have mothing left which is sufficently foul to comment on the situation, it is a sure sign that someone’s head needs to be whacked.
Alternately use bad sitcom names to refer to your colleagues. I once pissed someone off by calling him Greg Brady all day.