I’ve tried very hard to control my language - especially when my daughter was little. Plus I was raised to believe that if I cussed, I’d be consigned immediately to, well, heck.
As a result, at 52, I have a rather silly, albeit colorful, way of expressing my displeasure.
For example, rather than calling someone an @$$h0le, I might bring forth: You Cheeselog!!!
Or if I need an expletive, I might try Cheeze Louise or Razzenfratz (which has lots of angry consonents within)
Other effective expressions I’ve used include:
[ul]
[li]Bite my big toe![/li][li]Way to go, Skippy! (not our beloved mod)[/li][li]mmmrfrmmfmrrffmrm (that’s a rather strangled, mumbled growl)[/li][/ul]
So, share your non-cussin’ cussin’ - I’m sure you’re more creative than I am.
This may be a little too close to the real thing for comfort, but my parents have taken to using the word “feck” or “fecking” to replace the obvious. I don’t know if it is any cleaner than the real thing, but it sure is funnier.
They started this after reading The Cripple of Inishmaan by playwright Martin McDonagh, which is written in a more-or-less phonetic Irish accent.
I’m inordinately fond of saying “suffering cats” as a replacement for “suffering Christ.” (Yes, I’ve seen Shakespeare in Love a few too many times.) “Jeezum crow” is a pretty good, too.
Fricky-Fry!
For the love of Ned.
and when I’m really pissed:
Judas Iscariot in the frickin’ witness protection program, what the freak do you think you’re doing?
I’ve come up with a few of them, because I work at a circulation desk in a large academic library, and that means lots of people to get offended when I mouth off.
I worked with little kids for quite a while, and I ended up saying “Oh dear” a lot. Actually, I still do. Today, in fact, I knocked something into the toilet and said: “Oh dear,” half-second pause “fuck!” so maybe it’s wearing off
Sometimes I can control the urge enough to squeeze out a “Cheese & Crackers” or “Criminy” (sp?).
What I’d like to master is the language used by the girl on Futurama that mutters something that sounds like an Far Eastern Language under her breath. Also on Firefly, they occasionally say something similar to this. I don’t know if it is really a language or not but it makes me laugh.
Usually pretty spontaneous - which is to say, I’m not steamed enough right now to go using any of that farking language about those freaking nincompoops I have to deal with on a daily business. Holy mackeral! You’d think they’d have the sense that God gave Jello, but nooo… those idiots couldn’t pound clay with a sledge hammer! Arrrgghhhh!
Which is to say, it can come out pretty dumb, sometimes. But I do feel better - silly, but better.
:eek: Bugger is even worse than fuck…technically. I mean it’s an unnatural act.
Not to say I don’t use it all the time (along with bloody…that works to). Americans don’t seem to find it offesive. And anyway I’m in favour of unnatural acts.
Since many of my occasions for swearing happen at work, and I teach 7th grade, I have to use some very lame substitutions. My students laugh at my “oh for the love of Pete!” and want to know who Pete is. I have no idea, actually.
I may have to start using, “well, God bless America!” in the most old ladyish voice possible, though, because I can hear it in my head and it cracks me up.
I’m not very creative in the suitable-for-airline-movie swears department. When I have to, I’ll usually say “aargh.” Yeah, just “aargh,” as if it were a word in the dictionary. Or “drat.”
I don’t swear all that much anyhow in company — I figure there’s no point in over-using profanity, because then it becomes less… profane.
