I have a friend with a dirty, dirty mouth. Listening to her has inspired me to try and curb my own, somewhat soiled tongue. So now, when I bang my knee on my desk drawer I shout, “Son of a Happy Meal!” I also say “What the fahoozy?!” all the time, althought that was stolen from one of the Wayan brothers.
The friend with the dirty, dirty mouth comes up with the most ear blistering stuff. The one I always remember is “You wet cunting slash!”
So, this thread is sort of a two-fer. I’d like to know either the foulest curse you’ve ever uttered or your favorite curse replacements.
For a while, I was adding “flow” to a lot of different curse words. . .
shitflow, crapflow, cuntflow, doucheflow, assflow. It made them sound a little dirtier.
I also said “craptit” and “crapshit” for a while.
All those words use to really grate on my wife, so I’ve weaned myself off them. I’m not sure if they originated with me or if I was influenced by another source.
I’m a bit of a purist. It takes a bit or trying to push me over the edge but when it happens, “Bastard!”, “Fuckin’ Hell!”, “Fuck right off!”, “Tosser!”, “Wanker!”, “What the Fuck?!” and on a very special occassion, “You Cunt!” are generally my staples. But I do admire people who can paint a more colourful picture with invectives.
My students curse a lot (probably because their parents curse like sailors), so I teach them “alternative words” so they don’t get in trouble.
Damn=Drat
Shit=Sugar/Sugarcubes
F*ck=Fudge
Bitch=Biscuit
In spite of my sweet demeanor I cuss like a sailor. My choice of colorful terminology includes adding “stick” to some of the words. ie
Shitstick
fuckstick
cuntstick
*pigfuckers and whores * (usually this is uttered when i drop something or realize i forgot to do something important at work)
*cuntrazor
assgrabbing bastard
shitstain
fuckhole
dicksmack
cockknocker
assrammer
goddamn motherfuckshitpiss hell and damnation * (my GF looks at me like I’m a lunatic when I utter that one)
shiteating monkeyfucking syphillitic overflowing cumdumpster.
That’s just a partial list.
Oh and for the euphemisms, these are hard for me to remember to use, especially around children,
*shootdarn
fudge
crap *
I’m not nearly as creative with the gentler words as I don’t use them that often.
Did the Board just blink out of existence briefly like someone was using the M’krann crystal?
Anyway, when that happened I lost a post about how when my sister was like 4 or 5 she used to go on these several-minute long swearing jags because she knew my parents and I would laugh at it. The funniest part was that she had misheard someone use “bullshit,” so in her stream of invective she would not uncommonly slip in “Bullseye! Bullseye Christ!” We would try desparately not to laugh so as not to encourage her, and mostly we’d fail, but everytime she busted out one of those bullseyes, we invariably fell out.
I’ve got my whole team at work saying, “Crap on a cracker!” which is my most frequent invective here in the Land O Cubicles. Sometimes I like to mix it up (only when warranted, of course), by adding “in the moonlight” at the end.
When I’m really mad, though, I tend to say things that involve sex and automobiles, like “Fck a duck in a pickup truck!" or (mad props to Chuck D) "Motherfck the Lexus!”
