I have friends who have this funny habit of befriending people I date. When our relationship goes south, they are still friends with my exes. Trying to be mature about things, I try not to make a big deal about it, even though I would prefer to have nothing to do with my exes. Every now and then, curiosity gets the better of me and I’ll ask my friend how my exes are doing.
Apparently over the years he’s grown more and more distant with them. Why? Because all they want to talk about is how horrible I am :rolleyes: . As my friend he’s gotten sick of hearing it. While I admit I wasnt a perfect boyfriend, the relationships were dysfunctional on both ends- but I dont dwell on how horrible my exes were (particularly not to their friends!) .
My friend and I both find it funny that they are so obsessed with me, even after breaking up 5+ years ago. I dont wish them any ill-will; in fact I feel guilty for all the immature stuff i’ve done in the past. I would figure it would be easy to move on after 5 years (plus if I was so horrible, you’d think it would be easy to find someone 100x better).
I personally find it’s those times when you never really got through to the person. That’s when you keep harbouring something, and sometimes that needs to come out (to your mutual friend, apparently). When they never really got your perspective, or you never got to say that one thing, or put it to them the way you want.
What did they actually say to your friend? Was it same old same old? If it’s the same thing as always, I would say that’s probably it: they don’t feel that thing got through to you, or you guys never hashed it out.
If it’s about current stuff in your life… then that’s creepy…
This is true, but if this guy’s friend started distancing himself from his exes because they were still whining too much about it five years after the fact, I can’t help but think it’s not all his fault.
I highly doubt they are all obsessed with you. You are the primary connection between themselves and your friend. So it’s logical that you will be a topic of discussion between them.
I’m sure your friend tells them everytime you ask about them as well, and somewhere on the Giraffe board their wondering why you are obsessed about them.
I don’t hate my ex, though sometimes I think if I did I would get over her faster. On our last meeting I received the coldest look I’ve ever seen. I’m fairly certain she does not like me much anymore.
Yikes, be careful with that assumption. One can extrapolate that every failure in your life is your own fault as well, as you are the only constant in every situation from your life. Almost everyone has exes. We can all learn from the experiences we have with them. People and situations change, and I don’t think there is such a thing as a “permanant” relationship. A relationship can be put at risk from both external and internal factors. Be careful when placing blame, it usually takes two for a relationship fail.
This isn’t about placing blame. All of your relationships except the one you’re in right now have failed but that’s simply a fact of life. But when you notice a trend - all your exes hate you - then you need to look closer at what is common to all those relationships. I have a handful of exes, and I’m on good terms with most of them, one is my best friend. If all of my exes hated me I’d take a closer look as to what I was doing during the relationship.
One could be anything. Two might make me take notice. All would be a sign that I’m doing something wrong.
