All time WORST movie

Cafe Society
181

I’m going to have to agree with davidw. It does not get worse than Boxing Helena.

I’m going to put my review in a spoiler box, although I’m partly tempted to just leave it out – I think as many people should be discouraged from seeing this movie as possible.

[spoiler]The basic premise is intriguing – a surgeon becomes so obsessed with a woman, that when she’s hit by a car and he has to do an emergency amputation of her legs, he decides to keep her at his place and not tell anyone. Since she was bound for Europe the next day, nobody will miss her.

So I’m thinking, intriguing feminist criticism of a male obsession with helpless women. But then she falls in love with him – after he’s amputated her arms, too, for no good reason!

So now I’m thinking, this is a sort of clumsily-done attempt to look at the darker edges of human psychology. But then it turns into a cheap, soft-core porn, complete with the cheesy music, and the legless, armless woman trying to appear sultry.

Okay, I’m thinking now, this is very bad but it can’t much worse. But what comes next? A badly-scripted gunfight scene – they’re going for action!

So then I was thinking, well, it could have been worse. It could “have been all just a dream.”

Guess what happened next?[/spoiler]

Anyway, the movie has one redeeming feature – its most serious moments are some hilarious images ever committed to celluloid.

I give a special mention, though, to Xanadu, which is just bad without being particularly funny.

182

“Longshot” I believe it was called, starring 2 horrible actors with cameos by all the top boy bands at the time (Nsync, O-town…uh…someone else) and Brittney Spears.

Trying to explain this next scene will be a bitch, but bare with me. One of the main characters was sitting on a plane as they were waiting for takeoff. Anyways, he signals one of the stewards who is walking down the aisle, and it’s none other than Lance Bass from NSYNC, OH MY! Anyways, after a brief conversation Bass looks down at his watch and says “Boy, we’re late for takeoff, these Air Traffic Controllers really need to get in sync” then winked and displayed the most plastic smile ever.

I wanted to hit my own head with a brick for seeing such stupidity on the TV screen, luckily my copy of “O Brother Where Art Thou?” was close by to redeem me.

So yeah “Longshot” gets my vote. I also despise “Titantic” and “Pearl Harbor”

183

I don’t agree. When Cube was announced and previewed, I was very enthusiastic with the concept. Despite is one of my favorites, solely by the idea, I found later that all the hi-tech paraphernalia was just a lame excuse to explore human behaviors in desperate and unknown situations. The reasons why many people hasn’t liked Cube is because is aimed to sci-fi lovers and what they get is just an annoying drama (yes, annoying, and not only by the retarded boy: most of them were). Hypercube: Cube 2 is better oriented in that sense, and still lacks on scientific precision and overstates the dramatic tone.

I would have liked, in Cube, the explanation of who built the structure, why they were inside it, etc. I’m tired of great-great movie concepts that just throw me into surrealism because they don’t find a good denouement to justify the setting.

(Still, I’m gonna buy both DVDs)

184

That’s because I said early: the worst of the best, is what some say. I wouldn’t call Titanic a bad movie. I don’t really like it. It is a good movie, but extremely overrated. Only a great love story, set in a great disaster… is what most of people find delightful. But we can’t deny the great production work and the masterful direction involved in it.

185

“The Royal Tenenbaums”

186

I must warn anyone against taking the advice of djbdjb. Do not do this search.

Remember those german soldiers that pried the silver cross off the wall in The Keep, thus opening the door to that underground vault? Remember the guy that moved the boulder in Rawhead Rex? Christ, remember any part of the steaming crap-pile Jeepers Creepers, one of the dumbest movies ever made? There are some forces in nature that should not be tampered with. It says much to me that the movie in question, the movie-that-cannot-be-named, has not even been mentioned by any other in this thread, except djbdjb, who apparantly has a taste for danger.
You have been warned

187

I hate to bump an old thread, but I just saw one of the worst movies ever and I needed to share. It was an Indie film called Axe 'Em. And surprisingly, we found this at a Blockbuster. The film had no good qualities and we found ourselves laughing through the entire movie because it was so bad. I’m not just talking about the script or the acting, everything was bad. The acting, the dialogue, the lighting, the cinematography, the sound, the special effects, the editing, everything.

So you may review this “piece of work”:
http://www.nixflix.com/reviews/axem.htm
http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/Ax-Em/default.asp

188

“Battlefield Earth”
“Freddy got fingered”
“Escape from LA”
“European Vacation”/“Vegas vacation”
“The Bare Wench project”…Wait a minute…OK I liked that one.
I meant “The Blaire witch project”

189

Very Bad Things

190

“Master of Disguise”. It is the single worst movie I have ever seen (and I like those awful horror movies from the '50s and '60s).

I figure Dana Carvey owes me about 30 bucks for the money I spent for admission and the time wasted sitting through this total piece of crap.

191

“The Final Comedown” 1974? Billy Dee Williams Productions

Saw this in college, thank God for free. Everything was so bad. The scene I remember most and represented the rest of the film…

The “heros” are trying to sneak through the police net set up to capture/kill them. They’re sneaking along this huge solid white concrete wall (no windows or doors) bordering a six lane street! Guns poised, they creep along reciting their lines as if thinking to themselves out loud, all the while the whole crew (mouth open) is looking straight up at the mike which is totally in picture, boom and all!

The ending is a real winner too. All of them get taken out except the leader’s right hand man. He’s surrounded and trapped when the cops shoot in tear gas. He bravely charges outside ala “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid”
to be met with a one minute barrage of gun fire from the cops who have pistols, shotguns, rifles, grenade launchers, bazookas, you name it. The camera pans up to the sky as the guy meets his fate to spare us the vistage of carnage. Smoke from the guns fill the sky. The shooting stops. The camera slowly pans back down to see our hero… dead… not a mark on him. He does have a few of what looks like old grape juice stains on his tee shirt.

The only good thing that came out of this movie was a line my friend and I share to this day… “Dey gonna kill you sure as shit!” When the phone rings and I hear this line, I know it’s John calling.

192

By going through Wikipedia’s lists of Horror Movies by Year one by one, I finally found it. Lemora: A Child’s Tale of the Supernatural. Why I couldn’t find it before is that the “zombies” were decayed semi-corpselike vampires and the “witches” were intact human-looking vampires.

193

Leonard Part 6

I was a huge fan of Bill Cosby back then. Didn’t laugh once.

194

Before the lock comes in, I’ll add anything by Neil Breen.

Watch Double Down sober. I dare you.