All time WORST movie

As I’ve observed before, whenever this topic (or a similar one) comes up, almost every poster is going to name a very successful, very popular work that he/she just doesn’t like.

If I ask, “Who’s the world’s worst writer,” I’ll probably get dozens of votes for John Grisham. If I ask, “Who’s the worst singer of all time,” I’m sure to get dozens of votes for Brittny Spears. And if I ask “What’s the worst movie ever made,” you can bet “Titanic” will get loads of nominations.

In reality, though I’m not a fan of Grishmao r Spears, and didn’t love “Titanic,” it’s ridiculous to suggest they’re the worst in their class. Here in Austin, on any weeknight, you can visit dozens of music clubs that have singers WAAAAAY worse than Brittny Spears. And every day, every publishing house receives a hundred manuscripts by would-be authors far worse than John Grishma will ever be. And even the people who vote for “Titanic” would surely admit, if you asked them one on one, that they’ve seen a hundred movies much worse than “Titanic.”

This is the kind of topic that people use as an excuse to dump on extremely popular artists they don’t like. Nothing more, nothing less.

How about Species 2. The worst movie I’ve ever paid full price to see. Hey, I was visiting an old college buddy I hadn’t seen in years, and we wanted to see a science fiction movie…we picked Species 2 over Lost in Space. I still can’t decide if we made the wrong choice.

The original Species was lame, but at least it had Natasha Henstrige naked some of the time. Species 2 didn’t even have that.

The Faculty
Urban Legends
Teaching Mrs. Tingle
Kingdom of the Spiders (William Shatner AND arachnids. I’m amazed lived through this one.)

But the worst thing I’ve ever seen, BY FAR, is (I shit you not) Can Heironymous Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?

Having seen Lost in Space, I can tell you there was no right choice.

By the way, I’m sorry to have forgotten the Vanilla Ice vehicle Cool As Ice.

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo for so many reasons.

There were only about three funny things in the movie, but I got to see them all in the ads, which ran seven hundred times a day or so.

Is there such thing as a female gigolo?

And don’t get me started on the title. What’s the sequel going to be: Bob Spediatrist: Male Podiatrist

Grrrr…

Unless doing so would cause you to double over in pain, can you tell us some more about this one? I’m curious, the title just stood out as saying, “this I gotta see!” It didn’t come up on IMDB.

Manos: the Hands of Fate. Made other MST3K movies look like Citizen Kane.

I’ve always maintained that Judge Dredd was the worst film ever made. I have met other people, though, who like its campiness. I wasn’t familiar with the comic book, either–I don’t know if that would have improved my impression or not.

And just as there are people who liked Judge Dredd, there are people who love Eraserhead.

I’m one of the latter.

“So, I just cut them up like regular chickens?”

“Sure, just cut 'em up like regular chickens!”

I’m not fully sure if this is “films I don’t like” or “bad films”.

If it’s the latter, then I’d probably suggest some of the “B-Movies” that I’ve seen over the years, some already mentioned, others which I’d rather not remember the names of.

If it’s the former, however, I have a list of recent films to go after.

(BTW, Short Guy, I personally feel that Roman Polanski has, for a theoretically “great” director, made a huge amount of films that I don’t care for. (Pirates and The Diary of Forbidden Dreams come to mind.))

i was going to make the same complaint. The problem was the OP started it off. This thread should be renamed “Movies i didn’t care for” since that seems to be 90% of the posts. People, if it went to the theaters, and didn’t star Travolta or CGI Godzilla it doesn’t deserve to be listed. direct to video is where you should look. The Coleman Francis trilogy, Manos, Troll 2, any movie involving “teenagers” (from space or whereever) played by 35 year old actors, Robot Monster, any Tor Johnson movie (except the Hope/Crosby Road movie he was in), Space Mutany, Gor movies, Disney direct to video sequals…all put your choices to shame.

And Manos is the worst. One Fertilizer Salesman’s movie to rule them all!

Would you ask a WWII vet to describe D-Day? :wink: Sure.
Btw, it didn’t come up because the protagonist’s first name is spelled “Hieronymous.” My bad.

It’s pretty hard to explain. It was co-written and directed by its star, Anthony Newley. After seeing this film last year, I remember being sad that he had died, because I couldn’t track him down and kill him. It’s sort of autobiographical (Newley grew up in the theatre)… it’s so bloated and pretentious, and mostly it’s damn confusing. Parts of it are like a musical version of Lolita (Mercy Humppe is a young teen who he becomes infatuated with for some reason), other bits feature Hieronymous going on and on about how bad his life has been - most of it takes place on a beach for some reason. It’s pretentious surrealism.

If I’m saying “for some reason” a lot, it’s because 1) my brain doesn’t want me to access my memories of the film, and 2) it’s pretty incomprehensible.

Here’s the key if you want to see it (assuming you can find it, and I don’t know how you would): it’s not funny/terrible, like Plan 9. It’s really and truly terrible. It’s sort of like Manos - it just drags on. There is nothing to laugh at, like silly continuity errors. You’ll just sit there wondering what the hell is happening and why it’s happening the way it is. It’s painful. It will break your soul.

You’ll wonder why Joan Collins’s character is named “Polyester Poontang” (look it up), and why Milton Berle shows up (as “Good Time Eddie Filth”). Actually, that was one of the sole funny moments: apparently Milton Berle is more famous in the Midwest, where I go to school and saw this movie, than in NY. A Midwestern friend of mine saw Berle appear, and cried out “Uncle Miltie?! NOOO!!”

That helped get me through the night. I just looked at the running time, and I really don’t believe this movie was only an hour and 47 minutes. I can understand where a description like this would make you more curious - watch it if you must. But I really wouldn’t recommend this movie, even to someone I hate.

Would you ask a WWII vet to describe D-Day? :wink: Sure.
Btw, it didn’t come up because the protagonist’s first name is spelled “Hieronymus.” My bad.

It’s pretty hard to explain. It was co-written and directed by its star, Anthony Newley. After seeing this film last year, I remember being sad that he had died, because I couldn’t track him down and kill him. It’s sort of autobiographical (Newley grew up in the theatre)… it’s so bloated and pretentious, and mostly it’s damn confusing. Parts of it are like a musical version of Lolita (Mercy Humppe is a young teen who he becomes infatuated with for some reason), other bits feature Hieronymous going on and on about how bad his life has been - most of it takes place on a beach for some reason. It’s pretentious surrealism.

If I’m saying “for some reason” a lot, it’s because 1) my brain doesn’t want me to access my memories of the film, and 2) it’s pretty incomprehensible.

Here’s the key if you want to see it (assuming you can find it, and I don’t know how you would): it’s not funny/terrible, like Plan 9. It’s really and truly terrible. It’s sort of like Manos - it just drags on. There is nothing to laugh at, like silly continuity errors. You’ll just sit there wondering what the hell is happening and why it’s happening the way it is. It’s painful. It will break your soul.

You’ll wonder why Joan Collins’s character is named “Polyester Poontang” (look it up), and why Milton Berle shows up (as “Good Time Eddie Filth”). Actually, that was one of the sole funny moments: apparently Milton Berle is more famous in the Midwest, where I go to school and saw this movie, than in NY. A Midwestern friend of mine saw Berle appear, and cried out “Uncle Miltie?! NOOO!!”

That helped get me through the night. I just looked at the running time, and I really don’t believe this movie was only an hour and 47 minutes. I can understand where a description like this would make you more curious - watch it if you must. But I really wouldn’t recommend this movie, even to someone I hate.

I stand by my call on Titanic… Horrible writing, hackneyed plot, atrocious over acting (Zane’s performance was right out of the Snidley whiplash school of vilains)… and clumsy direction… The man got his Oscar for raking in a Billion not for his skill as a director.
That said…I will also Nominate Robot Monster, King Kong (the 1970s Remake) Superman IV, Batman and Robin as well as the God awful Mac and Me (With special guest star Ronald McDonald)

Here’s the search-engine problem: IMDb has the film title as “Hieronymus,” for some reason, while giving the character’s name as “Hiernoymous.” Just search for Merkin and spare your fingers. :wink:

When I saw this movie, I thought it was very powerful and well made. The gritty, realistic, way it was done made it seem more like a documentary than a movie. As a result to this, I got the feeling like I was with those kids, and thanks to some great performances, I kind of was. I was 17 when I saw this, so I could really relate to the movie, having known some kids exactly like the characters in the film. This movie idealized nothing and sent some very strong messages without ever being preachy. The animal-like behavior of the kids during their sexual exploits and day to day life really got me thinking how in our minds we completely idealize love and sex when in fact, most of the time it is an aggressive, selfish act. A difference in opinion here, I thought this movie was genius.

Just an observation, but I think the only people who like Kids are people who think like this. :stuck_out_tongue:

I agree with Tars Tarkas - you’ve got to think of INCREDIBLY bad movies.
You folks haven’t even mentioned 2 huge bombs that actually made it to the theater - “Ishtar” and “Leonard Part 6”.
As a helpful guide, try to think of movies that have starred Billy Drago, Wings Hauser, John Agar, etc.
How about movies that were remakes of films that were just okay to begin with? “Invasion of the Saucer Men” was remade as “The Eye Creatures” starring John Ashley. Movie was SO bad when they showed lightning illuminating a scene I couldn’t figure out where the rattling sound was coming from. Then it hit me - they were using a ship’s signal lamp (with the louvers) to produce the ligtning effect plus quite a racket !!!
It Conquered the World was remade as “Zontar - the Thing From Venus” and it starred John Agar.
Think of movies that Elvira used to show on “Movie Macabre”.
One of my favorite rotten movies of all time was “They Saved Hitler’s Brain”. Incredibly stupid !!! The plot drifts aimlessly and major characters die off in the middle of the film. Must be seen to be believed.
Okay, let’s see some REAL baddies now !!!

Another vote here for ** Battlefield Earth **.
** Fear Dot Com **. Dear lord, that movie was utterly painful.

Forget Eps I and II. ** The Star Wars Holiday Special ** makes those two look like masterpieces by comparison.

You young whipper-snappers!

A truely aweful movie was (I think) ‘Gates of Hell’.

I’ll just go ahead and spoil it for you though it has been awhile since I saw it…
The climatic scene is when the hero/group is surrounded by the bad guys and the Earth will end. The Hero drives a stick into the main bad guy and the next several minutes we get to see bad guys burning all around the globe. Reminded me of the ‘Plan Nine from Outer Space’ where the hero punches the head alien a few times and saves the Human race.

This is also the movie that has scenes of maggots blowing threw a window and landing on peoples faces. However, they don’t wipe them off, just stand there in horror as many close ups are taken.

Blair Witch 2 was pretty bad but it had quality nudity so it can’t be the worst ever. :slight_smile:

I know it’s cliche, but ‘Highlander 2’ was really, really gawdawful.

Superman IV and Gymkata are close, but the worst ever was Boxing Helena.