I had originally saved up a good deal of my vacation days, as my girlfriend and I were planning a 2 week trip in Oct/Nov.
Well,
After almost 10 years of happiness and living together, she left me recently (that may become a thread of its own, one late late night soon). So I find myself in a situation where I have 2+weeks of vacation time to use up before 12/31, I am heartbroken, depressed, and lonely, and really shouldn’t spend too much money, since I’ll soon be living on 1 income instead of 2. I’ve thought about just letting them lapse, and going to work. I can’t just sit at home, either she will still be there or she’ll be gone and the empty house will be too sad.
Any suggestions for what I can do and where I can go?
You want to go do something that will not have you spending lots of time alone, because you will probably just dwell, and all you’ll be is miserable and paying for it instead of being miserable at home. This depends so much on (a) how much money you can spend, and (b) what you like to do. This is a great opportunity for you to immerse yourself in something totally removed from your girlfriend and your routine, and if you do it right, could be a very effective way of pushing your reset button. Too hard to make actual suggestions without more info about a and b above, though.
Seconded. You can get amazing mid-week deals on hotels right now. Take a vacation from yourself – talk to random people, make up false personas for yourself, get drunk and hit on girls, etc. Leave all the sadness and wallowing and crap at home and just get out of your own head for a while.
The one good thing about break-ups is how they break you out of your comfort zone – you’re never more acutely aware of being alive than when you’re on the rebound, in my experience.
visiting those relatives you’ve put off seeing forever. Cheap, if you have relatives you can stay with.
a volunteer kind of vacation, where you spend a couple weeks building a school or digging a well or some such thing. I know I’ve seen web sites that talk about this kind of thing.
going somewhere to take a class. I’ve spent a week at a cooking school, for example. Keeps you busy and you learn something.
I second visiting relatives or friends who live in other places. I routinely do that myself. If they’re within 10 hours, I drive to visit them, which isn’t as horrible as it seems. Audiobooks make the time fly by.
When you visit your friends/family don’t expect them to take off work to be with you. Mope around town or mope around their house during the day and meet up with them for dinner after work. Find a tour of the nearest big city and take it, by yourself. Visit a museum by yourself. I’ve even sat and watched $1 movies at second-run theaters by myself.
For some reason it doesn’t seem weird or sad at all while you’re on vacation, visiting friends.
If you are outdoorsy, there are loads of package deals around that don’t cost much. You could spend two weeks fishing in alaska right now for about 1200.00 Sounds awesome to me!
This sounds more like the setup for a cut rate version of Forgetting Sarah Marshall than a plan to cope with breakup blues. If the o.p. is going to do this, he needs to recruit a collection of sub-B list actors to populate the stock characters (the Overaged Make-Out King, the Serious Mid-Level Professional With No Time For Levity, the Broken Down Twice Divorced Loser, and the Weird Guy Who Ultimately Demonstrates Profound Wisdom), and concoct a scheme by which they’re all embroiled in finding a Blackberry with a critical e-mail message stored on it upon which all their fortunes will turn. He will also require any combination of three of the following: a priceless Ming-era vase, a large predatory animal, an East European mob gang, a piñata filled with stolen North Korean microfilm, twin female prostitute-assassins, the formula for a mythical explosive compound that can destroy a city with a single drop, Bill Murray portraying an anachronistic Falstaffian character named Bill Murray, irrefutable evidence of the Moon landing hoax, Claymation killer flamingos, and the Triumph TR6 ridden by Steve McQueen in The Great Escape.
In my experience, you’re never more acutely aware of the ephemeral and indifferent nature of the world and your place in it, and launching on a plan of further removing yourself from any genuine emotional attachment tends to emphasize that sense.
I personally think Athena’s suggestions, particularly the volunteer vacation or (if the o.p. can afford it) going somewhere and taking a class sounds like an excellent idea, as it both forces socialization and provides tasks to focus upon instead of wallowing in self-pity.
I like the idea of a volunteer kind of vacation if that’s you’re cup of tea. You’ll be too busy to dwell on the breakup, it wont cost you much, you’ll get away from work for a bit and will probably go home and back to work with a very good feeling about yourself. There’s something about helping other people when you’re feeling like shit about your life that actually seems to be therapeutic.
My problem with Vegas is that even with mid-week deals, it’s still going to cost money and he did say he doesn’t want to spend much. Also, gambling and depression DON’T go well together. Trust me on this.
I’ve thought of a few of these as well. I am an avid backpacker, and thought of doing that for an extended period, as my usual trips are only long weekends. But, the more I thought about it the more I just didn’t want to that alone, with that much time to be purely inside my own head.
Vegas or something similiar is interesting. I am not a gambler by any means, and am not really very social in some ways - I’m fine being introduced to people at parties, and chatting with new people at work etc, but not one to talk to strangers at bars, etc. Which is one reason why Vegas sounded interesting - totally not who I’ve been for the last 10 years, in a place that I really can’t permanantly humiliate myself. Still not sure though…
Now, the idea of a volunteer vacation sounds really really good. That may just be a good mix of socializing, getting away, doing something new and different, etc. I’ll have to look into this and see what the costs may be.
Had this very same issue 2 years ago. After a lot of moping, I started to go to stay with friends in different locations. Different parts of the UK, Ireland, Hungary. At first it (and I) was a nightmare. Eventually I started having fun. (And I made a couple of new ‘friends’ that ended up with me getting laid a couple of times too.)
Failing that, check out volunteer programs, or solo vacations - at least in the UK, ‘solo’ means ‘alone but not necessarily looking for someone’ as opposed to ‘singles’.
Generally doing stuff and not being alone for too long was a good thing.
A) The thing is I have a decent chunk of money in the bank - particullary the money I had planned to spend for the 2 of us to go live it up at a resort for 2 weeks. But, I’m real nervous about spending too much of it - 1) Once she leaves, I’ll be paying the mortgage and bills alone, which will be real real tight, and 2) This whole thing is making me think of my life in many ways, and I want a cash reserve in case I decide to quit my job, move, go back to school, etc.
B) As mentioned I am usually very good alone. Enjoy solo backpacking, going places alone etc. But, being too alone right also scares me. As does being anywhere that is filled with happy loving couples. Should probably avoid places that encourage drinking - I already drink too much probably, and I am trying hard to not use this breakup as an excuse to fall into any abyss of alcohol abuse.
Along the lines of the week-in-cooking school, do you have any hobbies? I once spent a week at a medieval music and dance conference and had a great time. There’s all kinds of week-long dance camps, if you tango or do ballroom dance of any kind.
Or, the international basketball thing is about to start. Have you ever wanted to go to Turkey? http://turkey2010.fiba.com/eng
Another remarkable suggestion from one of our nation’s brightest cognizances. Once you have finished resolving the personality problems of the public at large, perhaps you can apply your needle-like perception and powers of deduction to the great problems of modern society, the mysteries of the physical and metaphysical, and performing some trimming and editing on the collected works of William Shakespeare.
“Go have fun” is something you do when you’re in a mood inclined toward levity and sociability. Having your heart shredded and plans rudely aborted at the whim of another makes one more inclined toward desperation and self-destructive behavior than light-hearted amusement. Of course, this is exactly what keeps Vegas afloat; not the casual visitors feasting on the $5 buffets and shelling out their couple hundred dollars on slots or $1 blackjack tables, but those who go hoping for some kind of validation from fate.
Because when you’re helping someone else, it means you have some measure of control over your own life instead of just being a victim of someone else’s circumstance.