I’ve been married to my wife for more than 20 years. It’s been a few years since we have been both gainfully employed with paid time off. We’ve been able to take a long weekend here or there but no vacation. She probably won’t have time available for probably a year.
Is it out of the question for me to take a vacation without her? I’m think about June 28 or 29 and return July 3rd. Dates are important because wife would be working that week and it allows me to only take 4 days vacation from work, so it really wouldn’t take quality time away from home.
I would also be going to a place where we have already been, so a) I know the area very well and b) I wouldn’t be having new experiences without her. I really don’t mind being alone, that has never been an issue. I’m not worried about the cost of the vacation. We have no kids so she would be going to work and taking care of the dogs while I was gone.
What would you think if your spouse asked this of you?
No problemo at our home – we’ve both done it several times for various reasons. Though the situation might be different if you suddenly come up with this idea after 20+ years.
We’ve only been married for 1.5 years but we get away for long weekends without each other from time to time. All of our major vacations are together but we’re not attached at the hip.
My husband and I take solo fun trips (ie: mini-vacations, not just business related trips with fun tacked on) all the time. Actually, he goes off and about more than I do even though he’s the one with a true paycheck; I’m sort of a homebody and I/we also have a multitude of animals at home so sometimes getting everything arrange for their care so both of us can be gone is just too much of a PITA.
But we’ve always been pretty independent of each other, so as** kk fusion** said, what’s normal here (after 30+ years together, 24 married) may not work for you guys if this is a huge departure for you.
My SO and I have been together for 4 years now. We have two dogs and he travels a lot for work. Last year, it was usually a week a month, now he’s gone at least half of the month if not more. So, trying to schedule a time this year for me to vacation without him would definitely be tricky.
That said, we did have a trip to Puerto Rico last year with a group of friends that he had to cancel on close to the last minute (he changed jobs and didn’t want to go on vacation two weeks after starting).
He’s also tacked on extra days to work trips (usually so he can fly on his preferred airline) and had little mini vacations on his own. In fact, I just flew out to join him after his work was done and we spent the weekend in Upstate New York.
However, he would be at the short end of a hissy fit if he planned a solo vacation without checking with me first.
We do a week or two each winter in the Caribbean, a week each summer in NOLA, and a bunch of scattered three day weekends closer to home each year. She gets vacation time beyond that, so trips with her friends are common. Additionally, me staying home to care for the house, dogs, horses, etc saves a big chunk of cash. Added to that is my complete lack of interest in travel to Europe.
I vote for solo vacations only if spouse/SO has no interest in where you are going. When I was married, I did a horsey vaca every year without my spouse. The last few years I’ve gone to Europe with my friend–her husband stays home because he has no interest in going. But just to go somewhere you’re familiar with and bum around? I vote no.
I’ve taken vacations – mostly staying with friends – without my husband. It doesn’t bother him at all as he and the dogs end up having the whole house to themselves
He takes the occasional business trip and we take the occasional long weekend away together, but otherwise he’s never taken a vacation by himself. I’d have no problem with it if he wanted to.
My wife travels a lot with her job, so we spend a fair amount of time apart as it is. Therefore, vacations and personal travel tend to be done together since we do actually like each other and enjoy each other’s company.
That said, we do sometimes take separate vacations. This summer, I’ll be going to my high school reunion (which she has no interest in attending, and which I wouldn’t want to inflict upon her anyway :)) the same weekend she needs to head to FL ahead of a work event.
The following month, she wanted to attend a conference I have zero interest in. It coincided with a ridiculously low airfare to Paris, so I’m going there for a long weekend. We’ll each do our own thing (She’s not much for museums, while I am), and when we return home we’ll tell each other what we got out of our weekends.
I think excessive vacation time apart might be a worrying sign for a relationship, but I also think an inability or complete unwillingness to spend any time apart is just as troubling.
My wife and little girl (well, she’s not so little any more… 13yo) do mother-daughter trips together quite frequently. They’ve been to London, NYC, DC, Los Angeles, New Orleans and next week they’re going to Dallas for Fan Expo.
That last is a con that will have X-Files cast members Gillian Anderson and Mitch Pileggi, Doctor Who peeps Matt Smith, Billie Piper, Karen Gillan, and Sylvester McCoy, others including Nathan Fillion, Carrie Fisher, Stan Lee, Dean Cain, Barbara Eden, Adam West and Bert Ward, and others. Let’s just say they’re plenty excited!
Me? I’m putting the dog in the truck and we’re headed to Lockhart, TX to buy some brisket from Smitty’s Market.
My spouse is trying to get all of the state high points and is at the point when there are some long hikes involved. When her vacation time is spent doing that, she is welcome to her time away. Especially if there is camping – I don’t mind a good hike myself, but I hate camping.
A vacation for my wife is to go to where she grew up (we are 3 hours away) and then to the beach every day with her friends from about 10 am till about 4 pm. As for me I can handle the beach for about an hour and then I start pulling out my fingernails with boredom.
I like to visit historical places like battlefields, museums, and the such. These places bore my wife to tears.
Yes we take separate vacations. She goes to the beach. I travel a lot and take 2-3 day side trips 5-6 times a year.
Most years I do a bicycle tour for around a week. I sleep in a tent. My wife says that there’s no way in Hades that she’s going to ride a bicycle 50 miles a day and sleep in a tent. Often one of my kids go with me. This year my son, son-in-law, and a friend are coming along. So they too are going on a vacation without their spouses.
My wife has made a few trips without me. She’s been to both Germany and Paris without me. A couple of years ago she and some friends went to Kansas City to watch the Royals and Cardinals play for a couple of days.
My wife takes weekend trips without me sometimes. Usually for a fan group or retreat I have no interest in. I don’t have an issue with her going although if she left for an extended trip I’d probably be less than thrilled to keep up 100% of the parenting responsibilities. 2-3 days is fine though.
I haven’t gone on any trips without her but I’m sure that if I wanted to go to some weekend convention for something she had zero interest in, she’d be okay with it. It’d be a little weirder if I said I just wanted to explore a new city without her for a couple days.
In practice, my wife and I prefer to travel together, especially since our relationship started off as a long distance one AND we have been forced apart by work for extended periods of time. However, she has traveled to see family without me, which is certainly no big deal.
I would probably be jealous if she were going to go experience something I had an interest in without me, but otherwise, I’d hope she’d enjoy. The cats and I will be just fine at home, in front of the TV.
In two weeks, Mrs. C and I will have been married 45 years. As we are still each others’ best friend, we’ve never taken a vacation apart and wouldn’t dream of it.
The Mrs. and I are apart often enough as is, due to work, extended family demands, and other obligations. For us, vacations are definitely a time to spend together.
I travel for work and to conferences by myself. She visits her father and is going to a writers conference this weekend by herself. We both enjoy some time alone. But I think we both would much prefer to do fun vacations together. Getting out of the house together is very enjoyable.
So time apart is good, just not on vacation.
