Okay, here we go…
Mom died after 25 years of marriage to Dad last year. Dad ponders mortality, decides to find high-school sweetheart he wronged forty years ago to apologize for the way he broke her heart. Four months later Dad moves in with high-school sweetheart and my family is thrilled that Dad is happy. Two months later, Dad proposes. Future step-mom asks me to be a bridesmaid. (UGH!)
Problem: Dad has spent $65,000 on new car, plus he’s bought a new boat, new truck to haul boat, new house, $7,500 engagement ring and is footing the bill for the wedding. My family (and myself) are becoming worried because Dad recently retired and future step-mom has quit her job and no new offers are good enough for her. Did I mention that Dad has now invested in future step-mom’s son’s business? My family and I are seriously worried that Dad has hooked up with a scam artist. Did I forget to mention she’s been married FIVE times before??? Did I forget to mention that they are getting married the day after her fifth divorce becomes final?
I mean, she seems nice enough, but all these things together look very, very, fishy to me. My Dad is not stupid, but I know he would do anything for someone he loves. The family is really divided on whether or not to voice our worries to Dad. I can’t- to me it would mean telling my Dad that I don’t trust his judgement (which is something I could never do). I’m afraid if his sister & brother talk to him he might feel that he has to choose between us and her. I could care less what Dad does with his money- he worked like a dog his whole life for it- but I’ll kill her if she takes advantage of him.
I know that no one can tell me what to do, but I just feel better getting other Dopers’ opinions.
Has anyone else been in a situation like this??? Would it be worth it to say something to him and risk alienating him? I have no idea what to do…
Dear God, Mamapotomous, that’s awful. Unfortunately, I don’t think that there will be much that you can do. He’s (your dad) well above the age of consent, and, as such, can make his own decisions. My advice, be supportive, whatever comes along.
By voicing any concerns, your dad won’t see that as being helpful, but as being meddlesome. I wish that I had better advice, and one of our fellow Dopers may, but I really don’t see any other option than just being happy and supportive.
Good luck, in what ever may happen.
Thanks, Tommy the Cat (which is of course, my favorite Primus song).
I just got off the phone with Dad’s sister who wants to have a family “intervention”. I totally disagreed for the same reasons you posted- he’s an adult, we love him, let him live his life.
The worst part is, my life has always been so Donna Reed. I was the only person amongst my friends whose parents were still happily married. I still choke on the word “step-mom”. Don’t even start me on my 40 year old “step-brother”…
I’ve been told that here in Texas the wife is only entitled to what was gained after the marriage. If that’s true, I don’t really know how she could take advantage of him financially unless something shady happens with the business my Dad invested in.
Oy vey, don’t even ask about the purple bridesmaids dress…
Don’t do it. There was one of these in our family under similar circumstances and it backfired horribly. Interventions are for drugs & alcohol, not relationships.
Mamapotomus:
It sounds like your father did pretty well the first time he chose a spouse–25 years, very impressive! and children that very clearly care for him. If he screws up (and with the track record of the intended, it sounds like there is a very good chance) this time, he’s entitled. We all make mistakes and in affairs of the heart, no amount of well-intentioned intervention will help. It will only cause pain and possible splits in the family, which is the last thing in the world you need.
What would your father have done if the situation were reversed? Probably smile in public and hit his head against the wall and scream in private. He would also probably tell you or your siblings that he would support you in whatever your choice was. You might take your lead from that.
Definitely don’t get confrontational which could very well cause the above-mentioned split. He will need your support if and when the whole thing falls apart.
If nothing else, this is great preperation for when your kids get married. (Did you just scream?)
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