Okay, here it goes…and I desperately seek honest thoughts and advice. Okay my question is this. Im in love with my boyfriend who spends every single waking moment of his time when he is not sleeping, working, or showering AT MY HOUSE. ANd Im not exaggerating. He really does. And its okay with me. But should he chip in for groceries, water bill, etc…??? Give me what youve got people. I need to know. Thanks
If he is living at your place, he should be footing an equal part of the bills except for an mortgage as that’s somewhat of an investment for you.
Now if he’s not staying there, but emptying your fridge and drinking your beer, he should be paying for some of that.
Utilities can be a tricky issue if he’s not living there. Back in the day, phone calls could be expensive. Now I would think Pay-Per-View movies could be a similar issue.
As for your metal health, that’s not my field.
Right, Hes emptying the fridge and breathing my heat and air and for the first year I never minded. But lately his blatant ignorance to the fact that he only forks out money for our dates is starting to bother me. So you say YES he should help buy food and drinks right?
I would say yes.
Are you paying your share when you go out on dates?
This is something you should discuss with your boyfriend.
No, I dont pay for anything on dates. But whats that got to do with it really? We only go out 3 or 4 times a month. Have demanding jobs and usually go for dinner out of town…its always his treat. But, him being at my house when Im not there or just honestly when he isnt sleeping or working hes at my house. I want him to buy groceries for once. Is that crazy?
At least groceries. I wouldn’t get picky about the other utilities, but he’s probably costing you a bunch of money and eating for free.
Is it really his treat, or does he view it as paying his half?
You guys have been together how long? It’s time for you both to pay to go out, except for the occasional special dinner like a birthday.
Start charging him for the sex.
I think Im afraid if I bring it up he will think that I dont want him being there all the time when I DO. I just dont want him to take it the wrong way. Youre right I should talk to him…how in the world do you start that? Hey Im going to the corner Safeway can I use your debit card???
Oh, I think I’d be totally passive-aggressive about it. Start eating at work, and don’t re-stock anything at home. Eventually he’ll have to go to 7-11 and get chips.
Okay after reading that, I think that is EXACTLY how I should start!!! Thanks yall
I’ve lived with my gf for 5 years now. She encouraged me to sell my house; although I was nervous about it, I complied.
We have an unusual arrangement. We both have good jobs, but she earns more than me. She pays most of the bills and buys groceries. I pay for “fun”. Which means that we can have lots of fun! So, she buys “food” and I get a case of wine and 4 cases of beer. I pick up all restaurant checks. We bought a pontoon boat and went 50/50 on it.
Additionally, when the house needed a roof last year, I paid for it. That made me feel better about having my name added to the deed.
HA HA HA, Im gonna talk to him. Tell him to go to the store by himself and get some stuff we both like and that hes gonna pay for it if thats okay and give him the look that says ’ I dare you to say thats not okay"
Porcupine get the heck outta here with that logic. This is SDMB…duh!
Heat1, if you know he’s not taking advantage of you, rather he’s just more aloof to the fact he’s using your utilities and eating your food, then just tell him it’s getting costly. Maybe suggest he moves in with you since he’s practically always there anyways.
Then he’d indirectly find himself forced to pay for things.
If he’s actually a douche and does it with no regard for you, then well, you’re in a pickle of a situation.
How much is he spending on these dates in comparison to the food he eats at your house? If it’s a wash I say let it go.
If he’s taking you to McD’s a few times a month while eating you out of house and home then it’s time to sit this boy down and have a talk.
ETA
Maybe he sees the dates as his way of saying thank you for letting him hang out and raid the fridge, and if you do get him to buy groceries I would not be shock to find out your dates get…let’s say, less extravagent,
No, don’t be passive aggressive! Why would you be passive aggressive with a man you love? If he loves you, he should know that your finances need some help. Just say, “Hey honey, listen, can we talk about our finances? I need a little help around the house, and I think we should talk about pooling at least some of our income.”
You also need to let him stop ‘treating’ you all the time when you go on dates. Sometimes you should take him out, too.
Finance is one of the biggest things that couples fight about. Never go the passive aggressive route. Be direct in what you want and need. Remember, if you end up spending your life with this fellow, you want to know you are compatible in this as much as love.
Bolding added is mine.
To heat1 How much do you suppose going out for dinner, out of town, each weekend is costing your boyfriend? It is probably more than it would cost him to just split the rent with you.
How about asking him to buy some groceries and any out of town dinner trips are on you? Or at least you will split the cost?
My guess is that he will jump on the offer.
Surely, nobody thought I was serious.
I know you are a funny guy but are you sure? This is the human heart after all, it’s the stupidest organ in our body. 