Am I having an affair?

A woman I know does not want to date and does not want to get married. However, she wants a baby. She thought of people she knows and even put a personals ad on Craigslist. Of the 200 or so potential candidates, she selected me. She wanted a married man (so there would be no chance of him harassing or stalking her) who had proven fertility and wanted some degree of cuteness and intelligence. We have a contract that bars me from any rights to the child and protects me from any financial obligations. There are no romantic intentions on the part of either one of us. We are having fun with it, but are both very aware of the goal.

She is definitely not the type I would normally be attracted to, but it’s been a lot of fun. She is enjoying it a lot too, and has told me many times how glad she is to have started this process. We’re only a few weeks into it, but this last rendezvous may have been timed about right.

SO: Am I having an affair?

Does your wife know about it? If so, nope, it’s not an affair, it’s an open relationship. If she doesn’t know, you’re having an affair.

Can I ask the obvious question?: What does your wife think of it (she wanted a married man and selected you, so I assume you’re married)?

And if your wife doesn’t know (implied by “Am I having an affair?”) then why the frack not!!

Yep, if your wife doesn’t know and didn’t have a say in the whole thing, you’re having an affair.

And, whatever contract you entered into with this women will mean squat in family court when the best interests of the child will make any arrangement void.

Just hope that in the future this “mother” doesn’t track you down for past child support.

ETA: Child support that you should provide. If she wanted a sperm donor, she should have gone to a sperm bank. You should not have tried to bring a child in the world that you have no intention of caring and providing for.

I’m curious as to why you’re willing to make a baby in these conditions. The fact that you would respond to such an ad would make one doubt about the strength of your commitment to your own wife and family.

So, it’s an affair because I’d be very surprised if your wife knew about this, she’d be able to conclude the obvious about the state of your relationship with her.

Yes, boinking another woman counts as an affair unless your wife is aware and consents. It’s also probably grounds for divorce.

Zhen’ka makes a good point about the “contract”. If you make a baby, you can probably be held liable for support.

Why don’t you ask your wife, and see if she thinks you’re having an afffair?

I wonder if he is unable to, because of course he has never actually been married (probably never seen a live woman naked before) and is just trying to get some good ol’ fashoned controversy started on the SDMB, just like so many of his kind before him…

A contract eh? And so, if this woman who seems prone to making unusual decisions finds herself stressed and at loose ends financially in a few years, and the state wants to know who the baby daddy is, and she (out of desperation to get state benefits or services) points to you this “contract” will protect you, and the state will be prevented from coming after you by this awesome shield of her guarantees. Guarantees that legally will have the strength of wet toilet paper relative to the state’s proven power to come after child support even from men who may have read their girlfriend’s baby by another man a few bedtime stories?

And also, if the child of this woman decides at some point to visit and connect with their bio-daddy, which happens quite often, you’re OK with that too?

Well good luck with that!

It may not be an affair, but it is damned stupid. Seriously, why not go to a sperm bank?

No way this ends well.

I believe in many places such a contract would be unenforceable, as support from te parent is a right of the child, and the mother cannot give up the right for the child. There are specific exceptions to this for anonymous sperm donors, which do not include you.

If you have an SO and they don’t know what you’re doing, then of course you are. It doesn’t matter what the motivation, or that it’s apparently emotionless coupling: you’re still sticking your penis in a vagina that doesn’t belong to your SO.

I think this is one of those “If you have to ask, then ____” questions. If you have to ask if it is an affair, it most likely is.

Of course you’re having an affair, and you already knew this before you asked.

I can’t understand why this woman didn’t go to a sperm bank. Why was she so keen on having particulary YOU as the child’s father? Sounds suspiciously close to an affair in my mind.

For most women, the single most devastating part about affairs is the fact that their husbands didn’t have contracts with the women they knocked up. You’ve got that part covered, though, so you should be fine.

Gee, I didn’t know we had a Penthouse© Forum here. The OP doesn’t sound anymore believable.:dubious:

Even WITH his wife’s permission, this whole thing is skeevy, if true. This situation isn’t negative if it’s doing a really good friend of both you and your wife a HUGE favor, but this is a stranger who advertised for a “donor” on Craigslist, of all places. Skeevy. If true.

If your wife wasn’t aware of this, then yes, you’re having an affair. And just because you and this woman have signed a contract doesn’t mean a court won’t throw it out as unenforceable. For instance, this seems to say that under Pennsylvania or New York law you would be considered the father, not a donor, with all legal rights and responsibilities. You’ve got a couple of good reasons to talk to a good family law lawyer.