Sorry, I know i’m posting too much, but I want some opinions.
Alright. I work at a store. Well, my boss and one of my coworkers have children who graduated this year.
I feel almost obligated to give them graduation cards with money.
Now the one coworker I really like and we do consider each other friends. My boss on the other hand I don’t really like, she always mothers me cause I’m so close to her own kid’s ages. Her eldest is actually a year older than me.
To be honest I don’t really have the money to give away, but I kind of feel bad. I wasn’t invited to the graduation party or anything, but I almost feel like I have to.
No, you are not obligated if you can’t afford it. It would be thoughtful to write each of them notes to wish them well and congratulate them of their successes. You could have it hand delivered through each parent.
Where did this expectation that finishing school meant getting lots of stuff come from? I truly and honestly don’t get it, especially at the high school level. (But then, I refuse to have birthday parties for myself and turned down having a graduation party so my view my be a little out of the mainstream)
I’m with you. My parents bought me a plane ticket to Florida as a graduation gift. No party, no “announcements” so people would feel obligated to send checks. It was an acknowledgement between parent and child. A small milestone in a kid’s life.
No, I don’t think so. You’re saying that you didn’t get an invitation in the mail, even? Maybe the co-workers just mentioned this in passing? I wouldn’t think twice if you’re not invited to a party.
I recently got two invitations in the mail—from relatives that are hundreds of miles away. I won’t be at either party; I don’t feel obligated.
You would also, IMHO, be free to give a gift to the coworker’s kid but not the boss’s. Cash flowing from subordinate to supervisor, especially the expectation of such, is not very workplace appropriate. Unless your boss is a complete tool, she would probably feel awkward with you giving such a gift.
There are no, repeat no, circumstances in which one is obliged to give a gift. Not birthdays, not weddings, not anything. A gift should be an expression of your love or friendship for the recipient. Anyone who expects a gift from you and is miffed if he/she doesn’t get it, or if it is not expensive enough or the wrong color, or who is anything less than pleased and grateful to receive it, is not a friend. (A relative, maybe, but not a friend.)
A gift that is required is not a gift, but extortion.
Well, according to Miss Manners, a gift is required at a shower, because the term comes from “shower with gifts” - the entire point is the gift-giving. Other than that, though, you’re quite right - no gift is ever required.
Could I make a suggestion? Talk to the parents. Explain to them that you’re happy for their kids, but money is tight. Your boss knows what you make; your coworker probably has a pretty good idea. Send a nice card.
Don’t send a card. The kid couldn’t give two shits about you, and all it means to them is that they have to write another thank you. Sure, they’ll be happy to do it if the card comes with money, but no money=pain in the ass.
To be honest, it would never even occur to me to give a coworker’s child (much less a boss’s) a graduation gift, unless I was friends with the coworker outside of work. I can’t recall ever getting a gift from my folks’ coworkers, except from one of my mother’s who was a very close friend of the family and not your average run-of-the-mill officemate.
No. Not only no, but it could be considered “sucking up”, as **Harriet the Spry **mentioned. I can’t even see a card. What gifts has your boss given you? Birthday, Anniversity, X-Mas? :dubious:
No explanation at all, just say “Hey congrats!”. Do not mention “Money is tight”. Any more than you’d give them that excuse for not paying your bosses mortgage. Grad presents are for blood relatives and very close freinds of the family. Perhaps if you were going to the party.
I’d say not even then. I teach high school and so get invited to 5-6 of these a year. I don’t ever give gifts. It just doesn’t seem appropriate. I am pretty extreme no-gifts in general, though: we don’t do gifts to mark anything (Christmas, birthday, graduation, whatever) past puberty and most of us never even walked at various graduations, and we tend to elope. My parents are very generous, it’s just never in response to an occasion.
I wouldn’t even bring up the money with either of them. They mentioned the news as part of workplace camraderie, but that’s as far as it goes. I would say this situation presents no obligation to either give or explain why you’re not giving.