Am I overreacting? (a dating q - long)

In My Humble Opinion
41

He probably has no clue that there is a difference between social drinking and alcoholic drinking. I have discussed this on more than one occasion with a few people in recovery. I don’t WANT to get drunk, but I like an occasional glass of wine or something. But to them the whole point of drinking at ALL is to get as drunk as possible, and why bother otherwise? (And yes, there are non-alcoholics who like to get drunk on occasion, and all I ask is that you please do not drive in that state.) I don’t think I’ll EVER be able to comprehend that state of mind.

“Get over it” is not exactly diplomatic, either. You’re better off without him in the long run. Sucks, though, doesn’t it.

42

I’ll just agree with most everyone else.

He overreacted. You didn’t. I’d steer clear of the guy - it seems he has problems. There is certainly nothing wrong with you having a drink or two by yourself.

43

It may be worth it to tell him why you’re blowing him off.

Dear John,
I was really disappointed that things didn’t work out with you. I’d thought you were a really fun guy, and I really enjoyed hanging out with you. Sadly, how you treated me the last few days showed me a side of you that I didn’t know existed, and now I realize that there’s really no way we can be friends.

While I recognize that some people have a problem with alcohol, I also recognize that it’s possible for a healthy person to drink in moderation. I don’t need to defend myself to you, but for this to make sense, you must understand that I drink in moderation.

Even if I had a problem, however, your response to finding out I was drinking was insulting and inappropriate. If you sincerely believed I had a problem, you torpedoed any chance of “helping” me; your insulting, disrespectful behavior certainly torpedoed any chance that I’d enjoy being around you in the future.

Had you apologized for the insult, perhaps we could have mended fences. Instead, you told me to get over it.

Happily, I am over it: while I’m disappointed that you have such a side to your personality, I’m glad I discovered it now. I hope you can work on your problem and show greater respect to people in the future.

Please do not try to contact me again. Show me that much respect.

Best wishes,
MeanOld Lady

(or something like that – I’ve never written a Dear John before).

Might help the dumb bastard out in the future, y’know. He may really not understand how insulting he was, and it may give him pause for thought.

Daniel

44

Well, if you did give him the chance to talk and he didn’t take it, then that’s really his fault. I agree and cast my vote with the other people now as well :wink:

45

In the interests of balance, I’d be interested in hearing the guy’s version of the conversation.

That having been said…

…in response to the OP, no, given the facts as presented, you are not over-reacting and you are being given a big bucket of warning signs that this isn’t going to go anywhere. Double standards, irrational Nazi-judgementalism, self-righteousness, refusal to discuss or dialogue, lack of consideration for your feelings… yada yada yada. Do you really need anyone here to join the dots?

Hit the ejector seat… it’s never going to get any easier than it is today.

Yes, you want to find someone you can like and who likes you. Understood. It isn’t him, you can do better, you deserve better, and the sooner you start looking the sooner you’ll find. Good luck and enjoy the ride.

46

Oh, MeanOldLady. You have my empathy. I know exactly how you feel.

Just be glad you’re done with him now and are sparing yourself lots of obnoxiousness further on down the road. You already know that he’s very judgmental, he ignores your feelings, and he’s not willing to listen to you when you have something important to say. You’re better off without him.

47

Oh boy, well that’s the last time I ever like anyone. Back to emotional detachment!

:cool: