I am male and in my early forties. In an entirely unsystematic way, I tutor middle and high school students. Sometimes it’s for the money; sometimes it’s because I like the kid and think he or she deserves what help I can give them. (For kids I don’t like, I always charge.)
One rule I have is that, with almost all of my female students, I insist on being in a space that can be seen from outside. In the Memphis Central Library, there are any number of glass-walled study rooms. I don’t insist on this with males. Am I paranoid, not careful enough, or just right?
As a teacher in a school, required to have my criminal record checked periodically anyway (so theoretically as safe to be with children as it’s possible to be), I’m required not to be alone with a student behind a closed door, regardless of gender. So, no, I don’t think you’re being paranoid; or if you are, you’re not being more paranoid than anyone else.
I voted #1. If someone else was okay with private meetings then I wouldn’t necessarily say they’re being careless, but your extra precautions are smart ones and they don’t cost you (or the student) anything. And it’s on your time, you set the terms.
I taught in college and during my office hours I kept a strict open door policy - meaning that anyone could come in and talk about whatever related to the course, but also that I kept the door wide open to minimize even the appearance of impropriety. I had exactly one closed-door conversation, when I caught a student cheating in class and she came by, shut the door behind her (which freaked me out, I stayed on my side of the desk and she on hers) and then proceeded to apologize for cheating.
I think you’re doing the right thing by having your tutoring sessions in public and I’d do it for both male and female students. It’s not paranoia, it’s just protecting everyone against misunderstandings. You don’t have to make a big deal of it, but I’m sure that if Mommy and Daddy come to pick up their kid they’ll be happier to see you two sitting at a table in the library instead of coming out from a room with an opaque door.
You should do this with the boys too. I recently attended a required seminar for people working with youngsters, and they couldn’t stress enough how you should never be alone in a closed room, never lock the doors, better to have another adult present if possible, etc. For both genders. So glass is your friend!
I voted for tutoring the boys in public rooms as well.
A beloved teacher in my school sytem spent three years in prison and had his career (and life, really) ruined by a completely false accusation dreamed up by a family that saw an opportunity for a big settlement.
Rules are easier to stick to the broader they are. If you make your rule “I only tutor in the glass walled rooms.” then you never have to decide whether to use one.
I do the same thing with female clients, sorta. I will absolutely not bring a female client upstairs to my office. When I meet with them, it is always downstairs, in the library/conference room. I do have to shut the door for confidentiality, but at least there’s traffic passing the hallway outside, or in an adjacent office. I’m looking to minimize any risk of being falsely accused of impropriety. Obviously, I’d never do anything like that, but a disgruntled client may well claim I did. If I can show that I’ve never really been in a situation where something untoward could happen, I’d be in a better position to defend against such an allegation.
For that matter, I do the same with female interns, except that there’s never a closed door session with them. Maybe I’m too cautious, but that’s a problem I really don’t want to face.
Another vote for tutoring all your students in public spaces. In addition to the reasons already mentioned, it reduces a potential bit of awkwardness if two of your students compare notes and realize that you only insist upon public tutoring for female students.
I’d say your being a bit too concerned but look at it like this, why take a chance when you don’t have to. Since it’s just as easy to tutor her in a public place and setting, why not?
Maybe I’m idealistic, but i’m not worried about being sued. I’m not a teacher in a school; I can’t imagine anybody thinking they can get a big settlement out of me. And both males I’ve tutored this year have been high school seniors. I can’t directly improve their grades; there’s nothing in it for them in making a false accusation that way.
I do break the rule occasionally, but it’s always with kids I have known for years. I mean, it’s not like my 15-year-old niece hasn’t been alone with me anyway; likewise the 11-year-old son of a friend of mine. I’ve taken him and his sister the the movies; I see no reason to schlep across town to help him with his fractions.
I always did all my tutoring of all kids, no matter what the gender, in public. Never be alone with a kid for any length of time.
It was the same when I ran summer day camps. We had a policy that adults could never be alone with kids. When we took them swimming, we always made sure we had at least two adults in the locker rooms.
I made sure I never gave them rides in my car unless another adult staff was present either.
I don’t even like meeting with my female subordinates alone in a closed office, and they are adults. I think you would be not be overly cautious to meet with all your students in the open (or behind glass). Boys can make accusations too. I voted #3.
ETA: The safest policy is always “never be alone (in a room, in a car, wherever) with a child who is not your own.”
Lawsuits aren’t the danger. Criminal allegations are. And they’re the kind of allegations that can be hard to wash off once they’re made, no matter how innocent you are.
