Am I the only one who read this as “Am I right to insist on a closed casket?”
I thought “Wow, I wouldn’t think there would be much argument…!”
I think most of us have had the experience of our mother saying “zip up your coat - I’m freezing.”
But what is the point of being a parent if you can’t abuse your position? As I have explained repeatedly to my children, all great artists suffered in their childhood, and my efforts at scarring them emotionally are well-intentioned attempts to be sure that they have something to talk about in therapy later in life. Otherwise they would just sit there, and that is a waste of good money.
Just tell your daughter “Fine - don’t zip up your jacket. Then when you get frostbite and they have to amputate both feet, don’t come running to me.”
Regards,
Shodan
As a child I was rather cold tolerant and my sister wasn’t. She would bring a blanket to the movie theater while I’d be in shorts. Maybe your child has a different perspective on what constitutes “cold.”
My son, who is now seventeen is like that. He’ll snowboard in shorts. He sleeps without blankets. He always is hot. I’m someone who tends to be cold, so it isn’t fair to use my own comfort level for him.
You are not the only one.
When I was a kid, I couldn’t even have a jacket with a zipper because my mother believed I would never zip it. Mom was in charge. Period, end of discussion.
If you want your daughter to zip her jacket, then enforce it. But don’t nagandnagandnag and eventually give in.
DO UP THE ZIP!!! people. You don’t want to catch a cold or rabies*.
*From that squirrel that crawled in your unzipped jacket and then bit your nipple off and now you have rabies.
Beginning when I was about four-years-old I couldn’t stand the feel of fabric on my neck (nor anything that felt scratchy/“wrong” anywhere on my skin – needless to say, I was not into frilly girl clothes).
I still have the same issues and, increasingly, don’t like to feel “bound” by buttoned jackets or hoodies without a zipper. Turtlenecks make me run screaming into the night.
Maybe your kidlet has similar skin issues?
I totally agree - how on earth else is a kid going to learn how to make her own decisions if she never makes her own decisions? I’d much rather have my kid (who, granted, is not yet two, so we make most of his for him still) reap the consequences of a six year old mistake than a sixteen year old mistake. I feel we’re raising an adult, not a child.
Saw on my mom group yesterday where somebody has a sticker chart for their (healthy) son. I believe he’s 3 but he might be 4, I forget. He gets a sticker every time he eats a meal (he has to do it within one hour) and when he gets five he can have a dollar store toy. They are having “moderate success” with it. I couldn’t even laugh at it, I just cringed.
adds Jennshark to her list of long-lost sisters Only, in my case, I hated lace (except for Richelieu) and pastel colors since I was in the cradle.
Can you stand tight clothes but only so long as there is enough “give” to them? I’m fine if it’s stuff that’s stretchy enough (such as jeans with lycra) or with tight sleeves I can roll up, but put me in anything that impedes normal movement and I’ll be out of it as fast as I possibly can. The only knit jacket I ever felt comfortable in had sleeves wide enough to shuffle up by themselves and tied up in a way that allowed me to leave it as tight or wide as I wanted.
Here (or search for chaqueta vasca punto): the big balls of wool are at the end of lengths of wool which you just tie up.
God, I remember the never ending arguments with my mother about clothes. Who cares? All it does is foster resentment. Respect is earned not given for parents too. You can order me to respect you because you have power and I don’t. Doesn’t mean I actually do, and doesn’t mean I will when I move out (as fast as possible).
Nava! We finally found one another!
I can’t stand tight clothes; I often buy shirts and suit jackets a size larger so nothing squishes (I hate the feeling that my shoulders/upper arms are bound by a jacket).
I couldn’t stand wool.
I wore a 100% cotton sweater at one of our Christmas gatherings. Mom was like, “You’re wearing a sweater! I stopped giving you sweaters for Christmas because I thought you hate them!”
“No, Ma, it’s wool I don’t like.”
Ooog, your post makes me iiitttcccchhhhhy. I have a beautiful military-inspired LLBean wool sweater that I can’t wear.
I have neck acne (neckne) that is greatly exacerbated by most fabrics other than well-made cotton and silky stuff.
Teeny thread hijack
Ms. Nava: we’ve only been on this board for a combined time of 22 years and I should know this: are you Catalonian?
Don’t make little things like this a power struggle between you and your daughter. I think it sets up an unhealthy dynamic between the two of you, and I can tell you for sure that this kind of constant squabbling is massively tedious for anyone else that has to be around you. And in this particular instance for sure, the child is old enough to know if she is cold, and capable of fixing if she wants to. So let her handle it.
In case it is useful, I’ll tell you about a really cool gadget I got for a little kid I know. It’s called “My First Weather Station”, and it shows the weather forecast for the day and an image of a child wearing the appropriate clothes. His mother was so excited - it really cut down on arguments about what to wear to school.
No, but my mother is, most of her close relatives live in Barcelona (my Idiot Aunt, aka Mom’s sister, just moved back), I went to college there… and I do speak Catalan. I’m from Navarre but due to family history don’t speak Basque (about half my Navarrese relatives do). Now please explain to me how did you jump from a jacket in a traditional and politically-loaded Basque design to Catalonia, 'cos it’s a few handspans away with Aragon in between…
I think this is one of those “If that’s your worst problem right now, I wish I could trade my problems for yours” threads.
…although this is probably also applicable to my thread on wearing flip-flops in changing rooms 
I think something like this is not worth fighting over. Most kids push back against their parents’ advice / instructions until some line is drawn. But you don’t want to draw the line over something this trivial, or you’ll either be fighting constantly, or crushing your child’s sense of autonomy. In this situation better to just say why you think it’s better to zip up and occasionally nag them about it but not consider it a big deal. IMO.
I am a bit surprised at how many people are critical of me insisting that my daughter fastens up her jacket, I mean, I am the parent and she is the child so if I tell her to fasten her jacket then she has to fasten the jacket.
Anyway here is what happened today after school.
I told my daughter that she could play with a couple of friends who were staying over for dinner that they could play at the swingpark despite it pouring down with rain so I said to the girls that they must put off their shoes and jackets at the front porch when they came back.
The girls didnt need to be asked, they automatically put on AND fastened their jackets and put the hoods up but when they came back, I noticed that all 3 had unfastened jackets which meant they were soaking so I went out to the porch and told all 3 off, I asked “why are you soaking, your jackets were fastened”?, one of the girls said “sorry, we unfastened our jackets”, I angrily said “your own parents might let you off with that but at mine if I tell you to fasten your jacket then thats what I expect ok, I didnt need to ask you which is good but I did expect you to keep them fastened, look how wet it is”.