Am I the Cruelest, most Heartless Bitch Ever?

The BBQ Pit
1

And no, it’s not what you think.

Yesterday I was doing yard work. I hate yard work. I live in a 41-year old house which is completely surrounded by huge trees - oaks, maples, walnuts. These trees, while great in the Summer, dump several tons of leaves, twigs, branches, acorns and walnuts, dead squirrels, etc. which all must be picked up by me.

Let me also state that I am an insulin-dependent diabetic, who is on a very low-carb diet. So eating cookies for me is a no-no.

So yesterday, I’m angry. Angry that I’m the only one who picks up the tons of leaves, and I’ve just spent 3 hours working, and I’m hot, tired, injured, and upset.

Then a cute little girl, about 10 or so, comes up to me as I am shutting the leaf-vac off, and cursing about the stupid power cord that won’t reach and keeps unplugging itself (GODDAMNIT!). She is wearing a Brownie uniform, and carrying a clipboard.

She comes up to me hesitantly and says “Excuse me, but would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?”

To which my wonderful, sensitive, masterful reply is “No, not interested.”

And she steps back, actually looking a little afraid off my curt response, and says “Thank you” and goes on to the next house.

So I keep working, cursing fate, nature, trees, myself, and then about 10 minutes later, while resting finally, it hits me:

"What the Holy Hell did I just do?!?!?! Was I really that rude to that poor little girl!? F U C K me for being so rude!"

So I dropped everything and ran down the street to see if I could catch up with her, and out of guilt buy 100 boxes of Thin Mints (no shitting here, folks, I was going to do that, even if I just had to give them away), but she was nowhere to be found. And I have no idea who she was, where she lives, or what troup she was in.

So, in my second Pit post, I invite myself to be told how incredibly rude I was. No Girl Scout or Brownie deserved that. I was so caught up in being angry at life dumping on me that I did something really rude. And I mentally, instinctively, lumped her in with all the other people that come door-to-door to aggravate me (Jehovah’s Witnesses, people for the Kansas City Star, etc.) And it makes me sad.

Please - learn from my mistake. Do not be rude to the little ones selling cookies, even if you don’t want them.

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BTW - I know that I am not “The Cruelist, most Heartless Bitch Ever”, but I sure felt like it for a time. Now I just think I’m rude and stupid.

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The little cookie-pushing bitch got what she deserved. That whole “cute” thing is just an act. The cookie-selling racket is just a scam to launder the money from all the crack and pot sales. I usually not only tell them I don’t want any of their drug-tainted Do-Si-Dos, I forcibly push them away from my door and kick them in the ass as they try to run back to the car. You did right.

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So now that I’ve said all that, do you feel better about how you treated her, Anthracite?

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Anth,
Take it easy on yourself. It isn’t like you bitch slapped her and stole her cookie money. She’ll get several “no” answers along her route, and she’ll get over it. Years from now she won’t be in therapy saying “She wouldn’t buy a box! Not even some Thin Mints- and EVERYONE loves those! Sob!”

Besides, why is a cute little girl going door to door selling cookies in this day and age? Even in my Mayberry like area we discourage kids from going door to door. Usually the parents bring the stuff to work or church to sell.

Relax, take a hot bath, get over your stress, and don’t dwell on it. She’s over it already, I’m quite sure.

Zette

6

Top Ten responses that would have made Anth the cruelest, most heartless bitch ever…

I’ll start :slight_smile:

10.- “Take your cookies walking, sister. You so called “brownies” are nothing but a bunch of kiss asses. Why don’t you earn your “community” patch right now, you little monster. Bag up these fucking leaves!”

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Well, I’m not sure it was the crime of the century. And your reaction upon reflection shows your heart is really in the right place. All of us are cranky at times, especially in a yard-work/cookie-deprivation mode.

And it’s OK to say no, correct? (Wasn’t clear from your post if you’d agree.) With ten-year-old kids, it just requires a little more tact. Something along the lines of, “No, honey, I’m not interested in buying any cookies right now. Thanks for asking though, and good luck.” Period, no need for any guilt.

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  1. Do I wanna buy some cookies? Listen, you little bitch, you see these bags I’m putting leaves in? I’m fucking busy right now. Now go away before you end up in one of these leaf bags at the bottom of the river, you ugly, snot-nosed little beggar.
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Anthracite whimpers:

No, you weren’t that rude. It might have been better if you had said, “No thank you, not interested”, but, as Zette says, it’s not going to ruin her life.

You may want to see how your behavior stacks up against that of some real Heartless Bitches™. You may feel better about your behavior after thoroughly presuing that link. Or not. But really, it wasn’t something to get all shook up about.

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I didn’t just say a polite “No, not interested.” I did a barely-look-at-her-gruff-“No, not interested”-turn-my back-on-cute-little-girl-to-resume-cursing-at-arboreal-Hell-I-live-in sorta thing.

:frowning:

Please, continue the Top 10 list - I can’t wait for Number 1! :wink:

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  1. Sure kid, but I ain’t got no cash right now. How 'bout we trade. I got Hustler and Oui. I want 2 cases of Thin Mints for this Pamela and Tommy Lee video.
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Being there and seeing the look on her face as I crushed her spirit might have changed your mind…

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When you wrote this, I cried for days. DAYS I tell you. And don’t give me any of that “but I only wrote it yesterday,” bullshit, you can’t use logic to weasel out of this one. You hurt my feelinds, damnit. Then, on top of it all, you had the chance to buy me cookies to make up for it and you instead bitch slapped the little girl and drop kicked her ass right off your block.

That little girl was my sister, you heartless worm! She came home wailing and screaming and bawling her eyes out. After huddling in the fetal position in a corner for two hours, she finally stopped hissing and clawing long enough for us to get close to her.

I sat down next to her, and between sobs, the only thing I could hear was “woman…leaves…screaming…SCREAMING…she hates me! they all hate me!”

I spent thirty minutes cleaning the salt encrusted girl scout uniform from where her tears had flown down. I hope you’re fucking happy with yourself.

And you can screw the 100 boxes of thin mints. I’ve got a bill for her first ten hours in therapy. Tell me your address and I’ll be glad to send it to you.

To think that she was selling these cookies for the “Doe Eyed Orphaned Puppy Foundation.” She had pictures. Everyone bought from her. You just killed two poodles and a chow. Live with that on your conscience you maggot infested knnnnnnnnnnniggget!

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  1. No. Fuck off. This is not that kind of day. Stay the hell away from me you little runt. Get your ass and your POS cookies away from me before I suck out your eyeballs with this here vac.
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  1. Anthracite takes the sign up sheet as if to by some of the cookies, then holds it over her head, out of reach of the little girl and tauntingly says, “What are you gonna do now, brat? Can’t get your list, you can’t sell your cookies. Come on, jump up for it. If you can reach it I’ll buy 100 boxes of Thin Mints. Oh, come on, is that as high as you can jump? You’re wasting my time. Get out of here and don’t come back until you can leap 36-inch vertical.”

  2. Tear up the list and toss it on the ground. Make the little girl try to pick the pieces up before you rake them all. Laugh when the rake ‘accidentally’ scratches her little hands as they try to snatch up the torn bits of paper.

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Ok, change the numbers on my last post to #6 and #5.

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Now, you people are truly mean!

Keep it up - it’s making me feel better.

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Children’s spirits are all that easily crushed. At worst, you will just become “the grouchy lady down the street” in her mind. She won’t dislike herself because of that incident. She’ll just dislike you.

One of life’s big lessons (IMHO): Nothing you do–good or bad–really matters that much in the long run. We don’t have nearly as much influence on other people’s lives (or on the rest of the world) as we would like to think. So quit worrying about what you’ve done (or should do) to others and start having some fun.

Another one of life’s big lessons (IMHO): Don’t be afraid to make enemies. Even little children. (Especially little children.)

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Correction: Children’s spirits aren’t all that easily crushed…

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4 – Listen little girl, I’m an insulin-dependent diabetic. If I eat your cookies they’ll kill me. Do you really want to kill me? Are you and your little brown-shirted sisters have a final plan to eliminate all of the diabetics that you are blaming for the country’s problems? Are you asking me to participate in my own destruction? You come for the diabetics now, but who will you seek to exterminate next? I just won’t participate in you “today the cookies, tomorrow the world” plan.