Lets toss another log on the assortment of messy friendship scenarios threads:
I have/had a friend recently, who now will not speak to right now. I remember the incident, just never realized what a big deal it was gonna be.
I found out via a mutual friend that it basically comes down to this:
Friend purchased a part from my business like 6 months ago.
I was visiting said friend, who was short on cash for rent.
Friend asked me to buy back the now 6 month old computer part at the full price so they would have money to make their rent. I personally would have loaned them the money if I had it to loan. I can’t just loan money out of my business account (we are incorporated) and I have a partner to answer to who would most likely not approve of such a practice (justifiably so) if I tried, especially since this person has an extensive history of poor financial decisions.
I explained that legally I cannot sell this anymore as a new part so I can’t just “sell it to someone else” as friend felt I could to cover the money on the part.
That was a month ago…
This same person wanted me to pay them under the table to work at my shop, so they can continue to collect disability, but didn’t get all pissy about my refusal to do that.
In retrospect, if I knew it was this big a deal I would have just refunded it and eaten the loss. However I feel like said friend is being unfair to me asking me to basically refund money on a part on demand just because it fits their situation. I already gave it to them at a discount because they are a friend.
So I subject myself to the dopers review, I have presented it to the best of my memory.
I think you are in the right, but you have to ask yourself if the friendship is worth more to you than being right. Sometimes, it’s worth it to maintain the friendship. Either way, I wouldn’t fault you, but you might consider just doing them a favor. Maybe you could offer the fair current price for the part;, or you could offer to sell it on their behalf.
A friend in need, is a friend in deed. I know this is bothering you. Could you have loaned him the money, yes. Would it have saved the friendship? Probably. It is up to you to decide if losing the friendship was worth the money or not. If you want this friend back in your life give him a call and tell him how you feel. If you don’t then just let it go. I am the type that would probably call the person and square it away so I could put this to bed. Not for him but for you.
Kinda have been trying, left a few messages over the last couple weeks, just figured they were busy. Only found out because I called a mutual friend and asked if they had heard from this friend. Left a message to the effect of I hope this is something we can get through, etc. Couple text messages, couple IM’s. Went for a good 3 weeks before I even knew they were ignoring me.
A grown person of reasonable intelligence who makes such a request is being manipulative, especially given how the value of PC parts decline over even short periods of time, esp when used. They could have sold the parts on eBay, but they wanted you to make them whole and pressured you toward this end, and they want you to help them skate by the IRS. Your friend is either stupid or lacks common sense about the way real business operates.
Having said this, if (parts aside) they are desperate for cash to live on and you knowingly put them off vs lending a hand if you were able, then yes you may have been a poor friend, but your OP does not have enough info to determine this.
You’re not being a jerk, but I’m guessing you missed out on social clues. It seems to me that he takes the fact that you didn’t help him out twice as evidence that you don’t want to help him out. The thing you missed that might’ve made the situation go smoother? Offer to help him in the way you actually can.
And that’s really all you can do now. You admit you want to help. So do your best to communicate that with him. I don’t think a 16-year friendship is irreparably damaged.
I’ve been in friendships with people who grew more and more entitled as the days passed. I’m naturally a giving sort, so I enter a friendship always giving… and inevitably, I end up with friends who expect me to always give everything. Friend needs a place to stay. Okay. Friend needs a place to stay rent free for three months… not so okay. But I ended up doing it. And feeding them. And paying the water bill for all their damned hour long showers.
I learned it was better for me to look for friends who wouldn’t use me and who weren’t so darned entitled. I lost some “friends” in the process, but I need to look out for number 1, you know?
If he’s that bent out of shape about it, perhaps it’s best for you and your life to be rid of him. It’s not your place to bail him out of everything.
Request 1: Do something I know isn’t going to fly with any other company, because you’re my friend and I need the money.
Request 2: I still need money, so I need you to hire me in a fraudulent manner so that I can commit fraud myself in regards to my disability payments.
The key thing is “needs money”. Once a friend in dire need starts pushing you for money, the relationship is doomed. Seen it many times with myself and others. Giving money once is not going to resolve the issue. It sends the message that you’re open to providing, so they will, with absolute certainty, come back at you with more less than savory opportunities to “help” them out.
guess I should have seen this coming… They begged me for $400 for books last semester at school. I asked for the books needed, they had a printout from school bookstore including prices. I found them used on eBay/amazon for $120 and bought them there. I am usually the guy people call for creative problem solving.
