My dad was 42 when I was born. It’s true that he wasn’t able to toss the ball around as much as a younger dad might have done, but we went fishing and took family trips and found plenty of ways to connect. It was nice having a father who had achieved financial stability. (That would emphatically not have been the case if I had been born when he was in his 20s.)
One aspect which may or may not apply to your situation: I was much younger than my many cousins (on both sides of the family) and so on family occasions there were never any kids my age to play with.
At 45 my best male friend was long-divorced from his first wife, had an 18 year old kid in college, was great financially and finally had peace and quiet. And then he fell in love with a woman 10 years younger and she got pregnant. He told me he didn’t know whether to be happy or jump off a bridge at the beginning. Here he was, finally free and rich and suddenly back to crying infant at night.
At some point he decided it was the biggest blessing, and now they have three kids and wife is pregnant again. He says he still feels 45.
Must have something to do with my rugged good looks, unmitigated charm and modesty, I suppose.
Actually, I’m just glad they’re both around to torment me. Chloe’s first couple of years on earth were pretty rough. Frightening Times
Yeah, I guess I gloat about them too much, but it’s better than boring y’all discussing my middle age ailments.
All Righty, I’m arranging for all you Dopers to come over and watch a few hours worth of my home video’s.
<Put’s video in VCR: Jana at the Hospital-part 1 of 5 – Dad Mistakes Umbilical Cord with Obstetrician’s Thumb, Lawsuit Sure to Ensue…
I was 38 when my daughter was born and 43 when my son was born, so I think I can weigh in here. I’m a lot more stable and patient, and can provide a more comfortable home now. A lot of our kids’ friends have parents who are our age or close to it… but I think that’s because we send our kids to a private Montessori school, so that demographic probably self-selects.
I admit to having had a case of melancholy when my son was born, because the males in my family don’t tend to live really long lives. But I still don’t regret doing it - our kids are great.
My husband will turn 43 this month, and we have an almost-2-year-old and a six-month old. He’s freaking exhausted, and often sore after a particularly rigorous backyard play session, but a little Aleve and a heating pad seem to help.
I tease him sometimes about being old, but really, I like the fact that we’re more emotionally mature and financially stable. (I also get endless amusement when people think that the babies are his grandchildren. I’ll be far less amused when someone thinks that about me. )
Overall, I suspect he’s a better father now than he was in his 20s. My parents were 35 when they had me, and their parenting style was much better than it was with the kids they had in their early 20s. More fun, more wisdom, more common sense.
My parents were 39 when they had me and 41 when they had my brother. My dad worked 70 hours a week so we never saw him. The down side was that my mom died at 59, so she never saw me graduate from college, etc. But I think, if you want kids, you should do it. You won’t regret it, I feel confident saying that, but you might if you don’t have them and want to.
That does bring up a negative. Late births can cut inter-generational connections. Both my parents have now passed, so if I have children they’ll never know their grandparents. And I only really got to know one of my grandparents – both of my grandfathers were dead by the time I was two, and one grandmother was losing it mentally by the time I came of age. (Luckily I had one grandmother who was mentally sharp until age 99.)
When I was born, my dad was 2½ months shy of his 43[sup]rd[/sup] birthday (mom was 40). Like spoke-'s dad, he wasn’t all that active anymore but that could be explained by fathering 9 kids before me. Instead of teaching me how to fight or throw, he tought me how to play cards. And a little about fishing.
Dad has his name on a few patents, one of which was so beneficial to his employer that his salary was practically doubled overnight, so the family’s financial situation was stable for a long time. Even with 9 kids at home at any given time (there’s always at least one off on his or her own somewhere).
Two of my grandparents were around until the '80s but we didn’t really have anything to do with them. One “acting grandparent”–actually the great aunt who raised Mom–passed on the year after I was born.
My father was 40 when I was born. When I got to high school, all of my friends were jealous of my parents, cause they were so adult.
Age is just a number.
Sometimes not knowing one’s grandparents is alas a good thing. We have not spoken to my husband’s rather youngish (in their early 60’s) parents in five years nor has my three year old daughter met them. Our choice to avoid contact with them is based on their inability to refrain from cruel gossip about us and other family members.
If they are still living when she gets older I honestly don’t know what to tell her about them nor do I know what I would tell her if she wishes to meet them. If they were not around I think it would easier to simply bury our quarrels.
My husband’s mother was nineteen when she had him and his father twenty-one. His mother essentially married a man she did not love because she was nineteen and two months pregnant with my husband. As nearly as I can tell that decision has helped shape her into the bitter woman she remains four decades later.
Well, I’ll just jump on this one for a second. My husband and I both like to be alone to recharge. We also have two kids. It works out fine. We each try to give each other break times when needed. I’m home with the kids, and we have Quiet Time every day after lunch; the little one still naps, and the older one just plays quietly in her room, allowing me to relax and get some peace and quiet.
My best friend when I was a kid had a much older dad–he turned 60 when we were about 12 or so. It seemed fine to me.
And, lastly, even those of us with younger parents don’t always know our grandparents. By the time I was 6, I had one grandmother left. There are no guarantees of anything, regardless of age.
Sunspace, my fiancé is currently a spermdonor for a good friend of ours. So we’ve done some reading about the successrates of insemination using frozen sperm vs “fresh” sperm. It appears the whole process of freezing also diminisihes the chances of success. And I do think 40 is not that old, so if I were you, I wouldn’t start paying a lot of money freezing sperm just now. Have you looked on several dating sites yet and stated explicitly that, with the right woman, having kids together is a real option? And have you looked for and responded to women who say the same? I’ve said this before, but I really believe there are a lot of women over 35 who hear their biological clock ticking and who have a “now or never” feeling about finding a man to start a family with.
Age 39 with China bambina, age 44 with the Chinettes = 3 girls to put through college. I ain’t retiring anytime soon unless the company I work for share price goes up about 250x.
What’s important for you? I was finally at the maturity level and relationship level where it made sense to have a kid. Same with #2 which turned out to be #2 & #3. ABsolute blessing for sure. Would door number 2 with only 1 kid or door number 3 with only 2 kids been attractive as well? Sure. But, I signed up for the ride and they are my girls until I’m done on this planet.
No way is the 40’s too old as long as you want to have kids and responsibiltiy. You’ve should be prepared. A good partner and family/friends/guardians that would step up if something were to happen (true at any age). And have enough financial planning in place so that the kids won’t be destitute.
I know a number of men who are late starters, and they’re happy as hell they decided to have kids.
Regarding stamina…there’s no rule stating you have to throw balls or cheer like a crazy person at sports games. My father had three children by the time he was 30 and never threw a ball or went to a game (we weren’t sports-oriented for the most part anyway, but…). There are other, infinitely more important ways to interact with your children. Music, literature, movies…these were the things we did with our Dad.
I was exposed to more mature adults as a kid (I think this is why I am a conservative). Other kids’ parents liked Bob Dylan, but mine liked Gilbert & Sullivan.
I learned some different stuff to my peers.
BAD:
I missed out on Bob Dylan
My sister, who is having kids now, can’t use my parents as babysitters because they’re too old and frail.
I never knew my grandparents.
ON BALANCE:
either no preference to leaning slightly towards wishing I’d had younger parents, but slightly younger only.
Yipe! I’m not really in the camp which would equate ‘more mature’ with ‘conservative’ (if you mean politically). I’m way liberal (politically) and my folks were older than yours.
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