Honestly, I’m so bored, please, post anything amusing that will keep my occupied…embarresing stories, jokes, funny stories, something to do!
Spelled embarrassing wrong…curses…
Two strings walk into a bar. The doorman stops them and says, “We don’t serve strings here.” So they leave and one of them says to the other, “watch this.” He ties himself up and ruffles the top of his head. Then he walks back up to the doorman. Doorman says, “Hey aren’t you one of those strings?” String says, “Nope, I’m afraid not.”
Wasnt that in the Homicide book, or something to that effect?
Ya tatata…
(spin)
yatata
(pirouette)
yata hey hey!
(slips and twists knee painfully)
(gets up)
yatata…
hi there ladies and gentlemen boys and girls and welcome to the starlight ballroom it’s really great to be back here tonight it really is hey there ladies and gentlemen boys and girls did you ever hear this one what do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards slowly?
(drumroll)
a receding hareline!
(no cymbal crash; just a distant cough)
yatata hey!
(silence)
ah stuff it then…
(walks off, noisily dropping mike)
I don’t know where its from. I had it told to me.
What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
That was terrible I hated it awful joke bleh bleck no good AHHHHHHHHHH!
::runs through thread naked and twirling around::
::cough::click::cough::
Well, you’re on your own then. 
After the breakup of the Soviet Union a small Russian village has fallen on hard times. They decide they need to do something to boost the local economy so they pool their cash to buy a cow. Two of the village elders travel to Moscow with their meager hoard to make the purchase, but when they get there they discover that cows are so expensive they don’t have enough money, not even for the smallest, scrawniest cow in Moscow. Discouraged, they start back to the village with the sad news, but on the road they hear that there are good cows for sale in Minsk for much lower prices. They decide to chance it and, sure enough, they are able to get a young, healthy milk cow and still have a little money left over.
When they get back home everyone is overjoyed. They decide to spend the remaining money to hire a bull from a neighboring village so they can breed their cow. The bull arrives and they put him in with the cow but when the bull starts to get amorous, the cow turns up her nose and walks away. He tries again, but still nothin’ doin’. He tries one more time but she won’t have anything to do with him, so the bull loses interest and they have to send him home, having gotten nothing for their money.
They decide they’d better call a vet and see what the matter is before they invest any more money in stud fees. The vet comes out, listens to their story and examines the cow. After his examination he asks, “Is this cow from Minsk?”
“Why, yes,” they say. “How did you know?”
“My wife’s from Minsk.”
why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
cuz he heard the ref was blowin fowls.
i slay me.
**this **
I hope the sound clips dont take to long to download