My wife works at a steak restaurant and runs their facebook page. She’s looking for some amusing (and reasonably clean) jokes to post once in a while.
Anybody have any good ones?
Person 1: Knock, knock.
Person 2: Who’s there?
Person 1: Interrupting Cow.
Person 2: Interr–
Person 1: MOOOOOO!
Two cows are out in a field eating grass. One cow turns to the other cow, looks at him and says, “Moooooo!”
“That’s funny, dude,” the other cow replies, “I was just about to say the same thing!”
An old one:
A herd of cows and two bulls are eating grass out in the pasture.
Suddenly, a great gust of wind comes ripping across the prairie and knocks all the cows to the ground. But, the bulls just sway in the wind and continue eating.
When the wind quiets down, the cows stand up, brush off the dirt, and start eating again.
A bit later, one cow looks up just in time to see a tornado tearing through the pasture fence. The tornado knocks the cows every which way, but the bulls just rock back and forth as they are buffeted.
When the cows get back on their feet and pick the straw out of their hide, they all walk over to the bulls.
One cow says, “Why do we cows get knocked over by wind but you bulls keep standing?”
The two bulls laugh and reply, “We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down.”
One day a young bull and an old bull were upon a hill overlooking the rest of the herd. The young bull said to the old one “Hey, let’s run down there and do* a cow or two.” The old bull replied “Let’s walk down there and do* them all.”
*make this as dirty or clean as you want.
I don’t get it?
Weebles are a toy from the 1970s or 80s, whose well-known* slogan from TV ads is “Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down”.
*If you’re of a certain age and American (or Canadian). Which I’m guessing you aren’t one of those.
Sorry, Australian.
Q: What do you call a male cow that swallows a hand grenade?
A: Abominable
Q: What do you call the cow 5 seconds later?
A: Noble
Moo. Moo moo moo. Moo moo, moo moo moo moo?
Moooooo!
These will be going up.
So will -
-
What goes “OOOOOOOOOOOO”?
-
A cow with no lips.
Only dumb ones from childhood.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
What do you call a masturbating bull?
Beef stroganoff
If I could figure out how to do links I could link you up to
Cows With Guns by Dana Lyons
Then again you could just search it.
That’s full of bad cow puns.
I’m telling this one first chance I get.
A DEA Agent arrives at a farm and tells the farmer, “I need to inspect your property for illegally crops.”
The old farmer says “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”
The DEA Agent says “Mister, I have the full authority of the Federal Government,” reaching into his pocket and pulling out a badge, “See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish – on any land I want. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand me???”
The farmer nods politely and lets the agent go about his business while the farmer returns to his chores.
Eventually, the farm hears loud screams and sees the DEA Agent in “that field” running for his life. Close behind, the farmer’s biggest and meanest bull is gaining ground on him with each step.
The farmer throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs… “Your badge! Show him your badge!!!”
What do you call a cow with two legs shorter than the others?
lean beef
what do you call a cow with no legs?
ground beef
And just for good measure, What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter he won’t come anyway.
Of course, Gary Larson has pretty much sewn up the field of cow jokes in his Far Side cartoons.
Do a google image search of Gary Larson cow cartoons to find a bunch.
Then, of course, there was his infamous Cow Tools cartoon (1982) – the joke being, apparently, that nobody could make head or tails of what the joke was – except that it was a Gary Larson cow cartoon, so everybody just knew it must be funny!
Here’s a web site full of cow jokes. It’s horribly formatted but you can still read most of them. The second and third pages are full of cow cartoons, mostly Larson stuff.
A farmer arranges with his neighbor to have the neighbor bring his bull over to inseminate the farmer’s cow. While the bull is going at it with the cow, the farmer’s son and the neighbor’s daughter are leaning on the fence watching the whole thing.
The farmer’s son nudges the neighbor’s daughter and says “You know, I wouldn’t mind doing a little of what that bull’s doing.”
The neighbor’s daughter says “You go right ahead - she’s your cow!”
Our Dairy Club members put groaner-quality jokes on their bulletin board. I will send them along.
The only one I remember right now is:
Q. How does a cow do math?
A. With a cowculator.
My very favorite Cow Cartoon. Very SFW
The cow that jumped over barbed-wire fence…udder disaster