Resolved : Cows are not funny.
Go ahead. Prove me wrong. tell me a good funny joke featuring cows.
Well, personally, I think the “interrupting cow” knock, knock joke is quite humorous. But that’s just me…
Oh yes. Thought of that instantly. Eutychus, does that not make you just wet yourself with hilarity? Cuz it does me.
Okay. That’s one. I’ll let you have that one, but that’s it.
Gary Shandling tells this one: You know how, when you are driving past a heard of cows, someone always rolls down the window and goes ‘mooooo’? Do you suppose the cows are in the pasture saying “Hey, was that a cow driving that truck? How can he afford a nice truck like that?”
I was intertained when I first saw his act and more entertained the next time I was in a car when someone rolled down the window to yell moo at the cows.
What?! Cow’s are not funny?! Bull!
omg… that was terrible. I’m just gonna run away now.
I dunno, I usually get a chuckle out of:
*What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars. *
And if that fails to amuse me, I turn to:
Farm boy walking in the country with a pretty girl. Hand in hand, they pass a field where a bull his humping a cow. The farm boy looks at the girl and says, “Hey, I’d sure like to be doing something like that…” “Go ahead,” she says, “it’s your cow!”
Which, in truth, doesn’t amuse me at all; in fact, I just use it to remind me how funny the first one was in contrast.
Moo.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Yeah, but what if that cow’s name is “Charles”?
Ground Chuck.
Moo (Part Deux).
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef Strokinoff.
The cows thought that this was funny.
welcome boxer.
lured in by cattle humour, eh?
a cow walks into a bar, orders a plate of cookies, bartender asks: “got milk?”
Boxer is really Mr. DDG, bored out of his mind 'cause he stayed home with the flu today and has already sucked the juice out of all his favorite Internet sites.
What do you call a bull that has swallowed TNT?
Abominable.
What do you car a bull after the TNT explodes?
Noble.
Well about 30 % of Gary Larson’s repertoire consists of cow jokes. And there’s some pretty damn funny stuff there.
(Re Gary Larson cows:
Cows sitting on sofa in well-furnished middle-class suburban living room. Phone rings.
“Well, there it goes again. And here we sit without opposable thumbs.”
)
This might offend some…
What do you call american beef?
Bullshit
(meaning that alberta beef is good)
Cows smell bad. and they splatter when they shit. My cousins have a cow farm. Ever had a cow run at you? Its real scary.
City boy decides it’s time to move to the country, purchases a dirt farm, and decides he needs a cow. So he goes to his friendly neighborhood cattle jockey and buys one. Next morning he goes out to feed the cow and finds the cow is lying on her back with all four feet in the air. Dead, in case you missed the clue. City boy calls up the cattle jockey and says, “That cow you sold me? Well, she’s dead. What are you going to do about it?”
Cattle jockey said, “Nuthin’. You bought it, it’s your cow, you deal with it.”
“Well, @% !@) (!@&!*”
City boy thinks for a while and comes up with a plan.
A few weeks pass. The cattle jockey gets a case of the guilts and calls up city boy. “You know, mebbe I took advantage of you there. What’d you end up doing with that dead cow?”
“Well,” says the city boy, “You sold me that cow for a hundred bucks. So I printed up thirty raffle tickets, five bucks each, with the grand prize being the cow.”
“How’d you pull that off?” the cattle jockey asked.
“Well, you sold me that cow for 100 bucks. I printed up thirty five dollar tickets and raffled off the cow.”
“But the cow was dead!”
“Yup. And the guy who won was pretty pissed off, too, but I gave him his five bucks back and came out ahead by 45 dollars.”
Two signs I’ve seen in just about every auction barn I’ve ever step foot in:
Cows may come and cows may go, but the bull in this place goes on forever.
My cow died. I don’t need your bull.
City boy decides it’s time to move to the country, purchases a dirt farm, and decides he needs a cow. So he goes to his friendly neighborhood cattle jockey and buys one. Next morning he goes out to feed the cow and finds the cow is lying on her back with all four feet in the air. Dead, in case you missed the clue. City boy calls up the cattle jockey and says, “That cow you sold me? Well, she’s dead. What are you going to do about it?”
Cattle jockey said, “Nuthin’. You bought it, it’s your cow, you deal with it.”
“Well, @% !@) (!@&!*”
City boy thinks for a while and comes up with a plan.
A few weeks pass. The cattle jockey gets a case of the guilts and calls up city boy. “You know, mebbe I took advantage of you there. What’d you end up doing with that dead cow?”
“Well,” says the city boy, “You sold me that cow for a hundred bucks. So I printed up thirty raffle tickets, five bucks each, with the grand prize being the cow.”
“How’d you pull that off?” the cattle jockey asked.
“Well, you sold me that cow for 100 bucks. I printed up thirty five dollar tickets and raffled off the cow.”
“But the cow was dead!”
“Yup. And the guy who won was pretty pissed off, too, but I gave him his five bucks back and came out ahead by 45 dollars.”
Two signs I’ve seen in just about every auction barn I’ve ever step foot in:
Cows may come and cows may go, but the bull in this place goes on forever.
My cow died. I don’t need your bull.
sigh