Mexican midget wrestlers slain in cheap hotel
Not to make fun of someone’s demise, but the headline is amusing to me. Maybe it’s because the writer pointed out the wrestlers died in a cheap hotel instead of just saying that the men were killed, or killed in a [non-adjective] hotel. (Maybe they tried to get a room at a nicer place, but were a little short.)
What current headlines do you find amusing?
From CNN: Boy eaten by lake bacteria wants ice cream
Now, wait a minute. Mostly eaten!* ‘Eaten’ implies he was completely devoured!
That sounds more like something from The Weekly World News.
*Actually, they only ate a little.
http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/19895990/detail.html
Read it. Best. Headline. Ever.
That’s pretty good. I laughed. Out loud, even.
For the benefit of those who didn’t click the link: Cross-Dressing Clown Robs Liquor Store.
Than great classic from the NY Post:
Headless Body Found in Topless Bar."
I guess it is better than the other way around.
I still remember this one from the 1970s. It was a rag like The Star or The Inquirer sold at a convenience store.
BOY SEES THRU EARS!
I had to forgo my Slurpee to buy it.
From 2003: Fish Talks, Town Buzzes.
Also, last year there was this guy in Israel who wrestled a leopard that had gotten into his house. It was the middle of the night, and he wasn’t wearing much. Every single headline mentioned his state of dress:
Man In Underwear Pins Leopard for 20 Minutes
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
The one I saw (Fox News) was even better. WRESTLING MIDGETS KILLED BY FAKE PROSTITUTES
Um…fake prostitutes? If they say they’re prostitutes that’s good enough for me…
A couple from the San Francisco Chronicle years ago:
Dangerous Bowling Pins Found in Chicken Coops - the bowling pins were coated with a plastic that, when burned, would emit phosgene gas.
Outhouses Preserved for Posterity
From time to time, I see something like: “Minister’s wife probed.”
From New Scientist after a group of scientists were confident they could predict the time and location of an earthquake and congregated at the site, only for nothing to happen: Everyone came but the earth didn’t move.
“Tiger Woods plays with his own balls, Nike says!”
But so what? At least this proves he is a typical male.
And there’s “Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons!”
Damn, those Fed’s are good!
Suicide bomber renews attacks
– Jewish World, July 27, 1995
I can’t decide which is better:
King of Spain Murders Drunk Russian Bear
Or
King Juan Carlos Denies Killing Drunk Bear
In related news:
Tahoe bear swills booze with pizza snack
This would be even better if it were “Outhouses Preserved for Posteriority”.
Of course the next logical variation would be:
“Man Wrestles Leopard in his Underwear”
How a leopard got in in his underwear, I’ll never know.
