Amusing UNIX Commands!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

These are real commands, try 'em out. Have fun! Post your own commands with enetertaining output!

% make love
Make: Don’t know how to make love. Stop.

% got a light?
No match.

% sleep with me
bad character

% man: Why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% rm God
rm: God nonexistent

% make ‘heads or tails of all this’
Make: Don’t know how to make heads or tails of all this. Stop.

% make sense
Make: Don’t know how to make sense. Stop.

% make mistake
Make: Don’t know how to make mistake. Stop.

% make bottle.open
Make: Don’t know how to make bottle.open. Stop.

% (-
(-: Command not found.

% rm -i God
rm: remove God? y
% ls God
God not found
% make light
Make: Don’t know how to make light. Stop.

% date me
You are not superuser: date not set
Wed Aug 29 15:52:30 PDT 2001

% man rear
No manual entry for rear.

2

%ar t god
ar: god does not exist

3

man house

There is not an entry for house.

make children

Cannot find a rule to create target children from dependencies.
Stop.

carkeys, where are they?

ksh: carkeys,: not found.

$ ./kill yelled loudly
sh: ./kill: Execute permission denied.

4 

% [Where is Chandra Levy?
Missing ]

% "How does Gary Condit rate as a liar?
Unmatched "
5

Hopefully “God” is not a really important file in the directory you’re working in…
:wink:

6

My favorite Unix command:

finger :wink:

I also like that ! in csh is generally pronounced “bang”

7

% If I had a ) for every dollar Reagan spent, what would I have?
Too many )'s.

% * How would you describe Bill Clinton
*: Ambiguous.

% %Vice-President
%Vice-President: No such job.

% ls Meese-Ethics
Meese-Ethics not found

% "How would you rate Reagan’s senility?
Unmatched ".
This is fun stuff, maybe even for the non-geeks. :smiley:

8

This will actually work if you have a /pub directory and a file named beer in it

cd /pub more beer

9

Solaris 5.x:
#cal ripken
cal:bad year

#return to the usa
Connection closed by foreign host.

O

10

Try this on on any unix system…

cal mm yyyy (like “cal 6 1965” shows me the calendar for my birth month.

Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30

Now try cal 9 1752:

It returns

Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
1 2 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30

A Bug? A Feature? Who knows the right answer???

[sub]Waiting to see who gets this one…[/sub]

O

p.s. The preview shows the layout as messed up slightly, and the board compresses extra spaces together into one, so I could not correct it. I tried. Hopefully it is clear enough.

11

Wadaminute… Is that the year the Pope screwed around with the calendar?

12

Actually, Britain and the Colonies adopted the Gregorian calendar on what would have been Thursday the third. It magically went to the 14th of the month, overnight.

O

13

gawk; talk; nice; date; wine; grep; touch; unzip; touch; gasp;finger; gasp; lyx; mount; fsck; more; yes; gasp; umount; make clean; make mrproper; sleep

14

You’ve been thinking about this a while, haven’t you? :smiley:

15

I can’t believe noone linked to the sexyunix shirt!

Although TheNerd has the right idea.

16

Unix, the OS written by psychopaths!

You can have a child process, kill the parent, and create an orphan! You’ve got daemons and zombies running around, you can finger your neighbor, touch whatever you’d like, take a system dump, and when you’re through, ask yourself…who am i?

17

I thought I’d try one or two of these on the University Unix network, here. Killed a few minutes of a dull day, but, even better, This is what I got:

% sleep with me
Invalid time interval ‘with’

lol