…contributed in good faith to this thread: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=763528&highlight=dangerous
As I mentioned there, it was not written by me. It was the work of what in earlier times would be called ‘a doddering old fool.’ Namely, the Right Reverend, Doctor Priest Preacher Tirade – Deceased, En Croute, etc. His first name is Nigel. And that may explain a lot.
Most, if not all, of his honorifics are self-bestowed. His personal history might shed a more kindly light on that than those of us who have housed him might grant; but he is still a looney.
He was born on March 25, 1925 – and when I say ‘born’ I mean found in a grove of orange trees in the San Fernando Valley, California.
He comes from a long line of foundlings, most of whom were not so much ‘found’ as ‘stumbled upon’.
This embarrassing lineage drove him to set his sights high and strive for something more. Something much, much more.
When Japan bombed Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941 – Nigel, then only 16, – did what only a few others dared to do – he scarpered to Jamaica and became one of the first white Rastafarians.
Over the next 25 years he cultivated his dreadlocks, smoked uncountable pounds of reefer, sired untold numbers of children, and generally avoided any responsibility whatsoever.
In 1973, in the original liner notes (later deleted) of the album ‘Goat’s Head Soup’ Mick Jagger called him ‘daddy.’ To this day Jagger vehemently denies this, saying only “Nigel? That tosser?!”
The following three decades are a mish-mosh of rumour and second-hand tales that include bent poker in Shangai, fixed yo-yo competitions in Tokyo, and non-kosher hot dog swallowing events at Coney Island.
Not exactly the kind of behavior you would expect from a ‘Right Reverend’, is it?
So when he showed up on our doorstep in 2004, bedraggled and worn to the bone, we were of course hesitant to allow him entrance. I was all for giving him the boot, and good riddance. But my wife, large soul that she is, reminded me that dear uncle Nigel, mad as he may be, is still in charge of the Tirade fortune.
Accordingly, we made him comfortable in the attic from which he escaped and posted on this board.
Again, I apologize for uncle Tirade’s trespass into this forum.
A.J. Blitz