An apology to my body...

Dear Body,

I’m sorry for allowing you to be insulted in a public forum. I want you to know that I’m extremely glad that you’re young, healthy, and not deformed in any significant way. My brain may find you unattractive, but you work beautifully and I am grateful for your 25 years of excellent service. Here’s to 25 more.

Much of what my brain finds unpleasant about you is actually the result of its own laziness. The flabbiness around your midriff and neck could be eliminated by regular cardiovascular exercise. The scrawniness of your arms and legs could be rectified by a few months of moderate weight training. Your excess hair could be plucked and trimmed, and your uneven teeth could be fixed by cosmetic dentistry. It’s not fair for my brain to pick you apart when it could fix many of your problems by exerting a little effort of its own.

The real problem is not laziness, though. The real problem is that my brain is way too critical. You aren’t perfect, body, but all of your parts are in approximately the right place, you’re clean and well taken care of, and most of the flaws that my brain finds with you are relatively minor and go unnoticed by other, less critical brains. While I wouldn’t call you physically attractive, you are not hideously ugly either. My brain would like you to be perfect, since it feels that it’s not adequately represented by any body that’s not drop-dead gorgeous, but I’m afraid it must learn to accept the things it cannot change, because you’re never going to be perfect.

It all boils down to a little preoccupation that has haunted my brain for most of its existence. It wants to find another brain to love, and it’s afraid that its suboptimal body will frighten that brain away. Well, my brain needs to realize something: any brain shallow enough to be frightened away by you is not worth knowing. My brain’s companion must be willing to accept you, just as my brain must be willing to accept her body.

And that’s what I’m worried about. If my brain is so picky about you, how will it be able to tolerate another flawed body? No human body is perfect, and very few are pretty enough to be put in the magazines, movies, and advertisements which form the ridiculously high yardstick by which my brain measures you. My brain needs to learn not to be so critical if it ever wants to find that other brain.

I guess my point is this: you’re not the one who needs work, body. Just keep on doing what you’ve been doing, and try not to let that big unruly mass of neurons upstairs get you down.



Hmm… I vaguely remember writing this, but I had no idea I actually posted it.

Remember kids, don’t drink and post. :smiley:

If that was written while drunk, then you are a much better drunk than I. Mine would more closely resemble the “I want a monkey butler” thread. :slight_smile:

/dumb nitpick

Will take more than a couple months of moderate weight training to put mass on your arms. I don’t know you true, but I doubt anybody has that good of genetics. It took me 4 months of Heavy weight training to put on 1/2 an inch. And that is eating like a horse on top of it. (not to mention creatine, so some may be the water that is pulled into my muscles from it). Your looking at 6 months to a year for any noticable gains, and not moderate weights either.

The Monkey Butler thread kicked serious, SERIOUS ass.