An Apology

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I was writing this post when Euty closed the thread. I was then going to send this e-mail to a few select posters from the thread, but unfortunately they do not list their e-mail address. Instead, I have sent it through Euty (and later Lynn) for approval and to advise me whether or not it should be posted.

If they approve my request, you are seeing it posted in MPSIMS and as the OP, I will ask that it be closed at the first sign of an attack on anyone, Sultan included. This is not a continuation of any prior WTC cross thread. If it turns into one, no matter how mild, I will ask that it be closed. The purpose for this thread is to first apologize for my words in the Pit and to also remind each and everyone of us (especially myself) that there are real people behind the words we read.

No one asked me to make this apology, no mods, no admin, no other poster. It is something that I felt needed to be said, so here it is.

In case some of you are not aware, there are people on this board who worked in clean up at the WTC, there are people who lost loved ones in the attack, people who deal with the reality everyday (including Manny), people like me who weren’t directly affected but nevertheless feel the horror and sorrow for those who were lost and who have the utmost respect for those who are sacrificing their time, sweat, and mental status to give the victims some dignity of being pulled from the rubble and to give the families some type of closure in knowing their loved ones are not rotting under tons of metal and concrete.

Sultan’s words had the potential to severely hurt some of the people here on the board. I have been corresponding with a SD reg who was directly involved on September 11 (you may know who I am talking about, but I would appreciate no names or guesses. If this person wants to come forward, great, but I would appreciate that the choice be left to him). As a counselor for mentally disabled Vietnam vets, I recognize a lot of the same patterns developing in this poster as those who suffer from posttraumatic stress disorder. I don’t think he needed protection from the board, but I can assure you that reading the things Sultan posted had a potential to open an ugly wound that has just recently begun to heal.

Trolling is one thing, but trolling with such a great potential for harm is inexcusable. It went well beyond his opinion regarding the validity of the cross and became a direct attack on those who are doing what most of us could not. I am not making excuses for my own vitriol, but having a personal knowledge of the struggles one of our own Dopers is having with his involvement of September 11, these words angered me like no other words I have ever read on the SDMB, pre or post AOL days.

I let my anger get away from me and went after Sultan with both barrels. While I usually enjoy an occasional Pit thread, this one was different in that my words were backed with my raw hatred of the person I was responding to. I have never hated anyone on the boards, ever. Not Kellibelli, not Krispy, not Stoid, no one (in fact, I really like Kelli (and I think the feeling is mutual) and Krispy knows that I love him dearly in spite of our digs at one another. I’ve even offered to buy Stoid a drink if she makes it to LA in a few weeks).

This Pit thread was different in that it wasn’t fun, it wasn’t a battle of wits and insults, it wasn’t tongue in cheek. It was an all out effort on my part to hurt this person as deeply as he was hurting others. He brought out ugliness in me that I hope I will never experience on this board again.

I apologize to the board for this ugliness and hatred. I should have turned off the computer and walked away long before I did. I am ashamed to admit that my main objective was to hurt and belittle this person any way I could so I stuck around and did my damnedest to do so.

I am ashamed to admit that my reaction to Manny’s joke was my hateful revenge for Sultan’s reply to my mention of deaths in my family. Although I didn’t respond to that part of his thread, it did hurt, deeply. Manny’s joke was my opportunity to make him feel the same pain he brought out in me and at that point I didn’t care how badly it hurt him. I haven’t spoken with Manny, but I think we all need to consider the situation and not be so quick to judge what feelings may have been behind his words.

I understand a couple of responses I received over my display in the Pit. I am truly sorry that some of you feel this way, but it is understood, as I too was disgusted by my own feelings and words. I am here to apologize for those words and to say that I would like you to know me better as I would like to know you better. If you knew me, you would see that I am not this evil bitch, but a pretty nice person. I would also like to say that in spite of your words to me, I think you are all people I would like to know better, that goes for Mtgman, k.os,. leander, and the others, although I have to admit that I have never heard of you before today. I hope you feel the same, but I am not here to beg.

That’s all I needed to say for now.

2

Diane We had not talked before this. I do not think we got started on the right foot, so I am entirely willing to let this go. You made a mistake, you apologized. OK by me. Just don’t let it happen again :wink: I’d rather forgive than hold a grudge anyway.

3

Precisely what I would expect from a Doper in good standing. I don’t mean that condescendingly. I would hope that I might have the same fortitude under similar circumstances.

This was a very cool post.

4

As I said in the latest Pit thread, I had e-mailed Euty earlier to ask permission to open yet another thread regarding Sultan. I just recently e-mailed Lynn since I have not heard back from Euty. However, it is getting late and they have not responded so I am going out on a limb and posting it anyway. If it is not appropriate, they will lock or delete it.

G’Nite.

5

Thanks to both of you.

As I said, Sultan hit a major nerve in me and I let my anger take over. I did not and do not have any harsh feelings for anyone else who was dragged into it. I appreciate your understanding and for accepting my apology.

6

Diane, your only mistake in the matter was in not having me say what you have said to Sultan. That way you would have no need to type the apology and let this get to you.

7

Damn, and just when I was thinking you were out of the running for Miss Congeniality.

8

Sure, now you tell me, capacitor.

Thank God! I was starting to worry I would have to go for the swimsuit competition instead. :eek: :wink:

9

I didn’t post in the pit thread, but I read it and followed along.

Diane,
In my most humble opionon, you do not need to apologize to the masses for your actions. Those of the masses who know you realized that that display was not indicative of who you are. I realized around your 6th post or so that you were quite upset, moreso than I’ve ever seen.

I believe that when a person reacts in a manner that is stronger than the situation calls for, there is more at work than meets the eye. This is what I realized in your posts. There was a reaction above and beyond what the OP and subsequent Sultan posts called for, so I attributed it to there being more within you which was vented in your posts. I ‘wrote it off’ as it were.

No, I don’t think you need to apologize to the masses. If you feel the need to apologize to specific people, I would agree in the carthisis it brings. Especially if you apologize to yourself (which you did so wonderfully in your OP.)

You are a beautiful person and you’ve just strengthened that beauty.

Spritle

10

Anyone who knows New Yorkers or who is friends with New Yorkers – as you are, Diane - can only be amazed at the way they have handled their changed world and the personal emotional fallout from 9/11.

Perhaps that remarkable forbearance and restraint is not fully appreciated by some because it’s not always obvious. For them, life has moved on. For others, who still have to deal with the reality of what happened every day, it hasn’t moved as far.

These are, and will remain, very difficult days for many. Emotions are raw and will continue to remain raw for both those directly affected and those not so obviously affected.

IMHO, it’s worth bearing all of that in mind.

It’s understandable and human to respond to extreme personal provocation but you should also give yourself great credit. Remember, your nature and profession is a healer of people, Diane, and there ain’t much better than that.

11

Diane,

I haven’t interacted much with you. I hang out mostly in Great Debates in the philosophy and political threads. I feel like now that it has been my great loss. I know an asshole when I see one, and I know an angel. For what it’s worth, what I saw was an angel smite an asshole. God go with you, Diane. I hope to have the good fortune to run into you more often.

12

I think this was very classy Diane, and my respect for you has gone up even more.

Well done.

I think alot of feelings right now are very raw and some leeway must be given. To torment people into reacting is wrong, and to be punished for reacting would be just as wrong. You were pushed Diane, dont beat yourself up over it.

[gavel thump] Jusifiable verbal assault! Case Diiiiiismissed!

13

I’ve thought long and hard on how to say this, and I hope it comes out right.

Diane, I would like to add my voice to the people who have said that this apology was well and bravely done. I have already stated, in a new thread, that my post was not intended as part of the pile-on. I began it when there was only one or two posts regarding your behavior and failed to see the outpouring of criticism between when I began composing my post and when I actually submitted it. Had I seen it I would have not posted what I did. Pile-ons are reprehensible.

However, I am a man of conscience and conviction. I neither make, nor change, impressions of people quickly/easily. My impression of you was not formed solely during the pit thread you are apologizing for. It was formed by reading many other threads you have participated in, in many different forums on many subjects. This means it can not be wholly changed by this apology, however sincere and humble.

However(am I allowed another however?), I have a rule, one of the few simple rules of personal interaction that I live by, which states “Anyone who is willing to turn the light of inspection upon themselves in a difficult time is worthy of respect.” Your apology shows that you have done this and have done it admirably. You have been removed from the list of reasons why I wish the SDMB had a score/killfile feature. Thank you for taking the time to step back and re-examining your position, motivations and feelings instead of continuing the downward spiral.

Steven

14

Sheesh. Just another feeble attempt to get me into the sack. Have you no shame?

What I’m waiting for is an apology thread for the years of sexual harassment that you’ve put me through.

15

File this one under “Classy Posts”. Bravo, Diane!

16

Just as hateful words can hurt deeply, kind words can feel really good and mean an awful lot. Thank you everyone who responded to this thread and through e-mail. It was very classy of you all.

Thanks again.

Oh, and Krispy? If it weren’t for my sexual harassment, you’d have no sex at all. :wink:

17

Christ, where can I get your kind of class, Diane? :smiley:

18

Diane, I read both of those threads, and FWIW, this is my feeling.

For whatever reason, Sultan appeared to me to be making an EFFORT to enrage and inflame people, including you. You appeared to have BEEN enraged and inflamed by his words and position. I cannot blame you for that, he was (to me, anyway) quite clearly goading you and others into it. With all that has been going on in this country and the rest of the world, feelings and tempers are already high, and it doesn’t take much for things to get out of hand.

I think you are a very brave and honorable person for making this apology. I have always respected and liked you, and I saw no reason to change my mind after reading those threads. I am happy to say that this thread just confirms to me that I was correct in not changing my mind.

I see that I got all convoluted in that last paragraph, so I hope you got my meaning. Just in case, let me restate my position.

You are a very warm and tender person, who cares enough to stand up for those you see as being attacked. No one can fault you for that. Or at least I can’t. And we all get a little “over-the-top” sometimes when we see our friends and people we care about attacked. Better to care too much than not enough, IMHO.

Much Love,

Cheri

19

Diane, I’ve always liked to read things that you’ve posted. After reading this, I think I’ll read more of them. You are a very classy person and whether I think you have a reason to apologize or not(I don’t BTW), this was a wonderful thing to do and took a person with a lot of character to do it.

Jim