An Open Letter To My Brain

Dear Brain,

As you are well aware, there is a teensy little spot inside my mouth that is very sensitive to the touch at the moment. It is very raw and chafed, but at long as nothing is touching it, there is no pain involved. So, seeing as we’re all part of the same life form, would it be too much to ask you to stop sending the tongue over to probe that spot?

Now I realize that as a brain, a major portion of your job is to receive and interpret information, and to act accordingly. And seeing as how you’re my brain and all, I’m going to have to figure you don’t actively want me to be in pain. But trust me on this one…it hurt when you sent the tongue-probe over there 30 seconds ago, just like it hurt when you sent it over 60 seconds ago. And 90 seconds ago. And 120…well, you get the point.

If we were walking down the street and someone were walking behind us, casually pelting us in the back of the head with rocks every so often, you’d probably want me to ask them to please stop it, correct? So brain, pretty pretty please…if you’re not going to send in extra healing troops to actively deal with the sore gum spot, could you at least back off on the “Does this hurt? How about now? And now?” routine?


Have you ever considered the possibility that your brain has masochistic tendencies.

Maybe the tongue on the sore spot thing is it’s equivelent of being whipped by a hot woman in a leather teddy.

Maybe you should put a leather teddy on your tongue to make your brain even more happy.

I should’ve thought of writing such a letter to my brain the last time I had a vicious sore throat and it kept telling my throat to swallow every few seconds. Apparently, Brain wasn’t sure if Throat still hurt, so it kept running test after test. After test.

And Hal? I’m really much more sympathetic to your plight than my loud laughter suggests. :smiley:

Dear Hal,
Thanks for writing.
What the heck do you think I’m checking for?! I send in white cells, then I check to see if they’re working, then I send in some more.
Well, ok, most of the time, I’m just checking to see if it still hurts. You know, I get a little dose of endorphins each time, but it only lasts a few seconds.
Of course I can be a little obsessive/compulsive when left to myself. Sorry.
If you get me some Ambesol® or something similar, I could make sure your tongue gets numb along with the spot. It wouldn’t change my routine, but you wouldn’t feel it (as much.)

Your Brain.

I don’t mind when I talk to myself.

When myself answers back, I worry.