An open letter to the makers of Xbox One and console video game developers of the same ilk

The BBQ Pit
1

After almost a year off, all I wanted to do tonight was casually play 30-60 minutes of a 6 year Xbox One old game. I even downloaded your fucking update while I went out for dinner so I could play the game.

I’m SORRY I don’t remember my Gmail password which barred me from playing the game. I have it now automatically saved on like every OTHER device I use.

I’m SORRY I don’t have an extra half hour to upload a backup email and create an entirely new account, probably with a new password you’ll just reject again because I hit one keystroke wrong again.

And gee whiz I’m SO sorry I was invited into videogames when all you had to do was drop in the disk or the cartridge, and MAYBE a memory card, and you were good to go.

No ominously long downloads, no passwords, no having to delete all the other games I paid $50 for because of memory issues and no 95% of the content being forced to compete against 12 year old foul mouthed pre-pubes online.

Finally, to my XBox One, I am so sorry that you are in a million pieces on my driveway. While maybe some OK graphics, you were the most time wasting, frustrating, and difficult to deal with video game machine I have ever had to deal with, ever.

Fuck you, and if Playstation is the same way, crumble that into a ball of shit with you, and dump both of your fucking consoles into the bottom of the ocean and I don’t give two god-damns how many stupid sea turtles it injures…

FUCK IT I’ll live with free games on my iPad, even if they suck. At least I wont have to pay $50 per game and have to wait all night for it to download, and delete 90% of my memory to make it work. XBox One and all your game developers, BITE THIS, assholes!

2

This seems like a Pit rant, so let’s move it to the Pit (from MPSIMS).

3

I love my Xbox One. It is a full-fledged entertainment device that does a lot more than my old Atari or Nintendo or PlayStation devices did in my youth. I’m glad I don’t have to juggle physical games, devote a shit ton of physical storage space to keep it all, because it’s in a virtual library and I can add or delete games I own as I wish. I’m sorry there are luddites that don’t appreciate the progress made over the decades of the video game industry (most of which I’ve seen unfold firsthand) but I appreciate it.

4

Vaderling has an xbox1 and has many of the same complaints despite loving it as much, or more, than Atamasama seems to like his? hers?

of course abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. The xbox is a carrot for good grades and behaviour. A 3 week suspension of priviliges does not include the weeks spent with his mother.

Console technology peaked in most ways with the Nintendo Game Cube, in my opinion.

eta, or one of those joysticks that is the entire console with like 30 old atari games installed

5

Does the Xbox 1 have to be connected to the internet? Sometimes the solution to that kind of issue is to just go offline.

6

Okay, now I’ve got some old games and consoles to dig out of the basement.
Let’s see… early Atari, just plays Pong, naaah. Oregon Trail on that Apple ][e, no, I just had dysentary in real life… Amiga? Maybe spend some time on Monkey Island…

Ooh, I miss wandering around 8-bit Pallet Town!
Watch for my “Open letter to the makers of my Game Boy Color”…

7

I loved those games, good old Guybrush Threepwood.