Holy crap I had no idea, I’m sure that is annoying to quiet types. I’ll mention for the third or fourth time that she isn’t shrieking or making sounds like she is hurt or scared, she is laughing, clapping, and squealing at her accomplishments, and yes, it would probably annoy me too if I were trying to read a book outside or something. But she’ll outgrow it as she learns more words to express herself. Just don’t assume that every loud noise is designed to irritate you, sometimes, like laughter, it just bubbles out. I’m so thrilled that my two formerly troubled kids are experiencing happiness and new milestones that I’m clapping and laughing along with them.
God, no, don’t spank her. That would be 10x the amount of noise, with the shrieking and yelling. I still remember my dad dragging me down the hall by one arm to spank me…with me shrieking and yelling the whole time. I don’t even remember what the infraction was. I think spanking is disgusting 99.9% of the time (I won’t say 100%). It’s just beating a person who is smaller and less powerful than you.
It wasn’t really clear to me from the OP that you’ve got a special needs kid. You clarify that later (your four-year-old is the one who talks gibberish, right, and who just learned to talk?) but I didn’t get that from the OP.
I think you might get more sympathy if folks understood that part of the story.
The OP is making a mistake common to beleaguered/hapless parents and assuming that others are annoyed with children for behaving badly, when in reality they are pissed off at you for not getting them to behave and/or failing to remove them and yourself from the public establishment when you are incapable of controlling them.
I deeply regret that you were forced to take on such a task and can only submit my humble thanks that you are sacrificing for the sake of society.
This behavior, especially when it involves infants has never bothered me. For some reason, I have always been wondrously fascinating to the baby set, and since I grew a beard, doubly so. It takes great restraint on my part on such occasions to avoid the temptation to scrunch up my face into a horrible expression and exclaim “Moo Goo Gai Pan!”*
I think you meant human beings.
*I sometimes do this with my Labrador, but she just stares at me.
I’ll put it plainly: I chose not to have kids and therefore do not give two shits about the whys and why-nots of your children CLee. I’m going to be irritated regardless of your reasoning and explanations, so you might as well stop trying. It’s not like you’ll get anything worse out of me but a dirty look anyway.
I couldn’t or wouldn’t, but my first step was to explain why she can do it at home but not in a store. Every trip out is a minefield. Stores bank on wild kids and weak-willed parents, the whole layout is aimed at impulse buys and attractive displays. Avoid the toy aisle? The end-caps are loaded with seasonal or promotional toys. The cereal aisle? You know the story there. The clothing section? The licensed apparel is displayed front and center. And don’t get me started about the check-out aisles slash gauntlets. It’s sabotage from start to finish, but I absolutely must take the kids with me when I shop, it’s how I teach them. Leaving them at home means failing to expose them to manners, strangers, and temptations. We’re going to get in your way if for no other reason than trying to avoid the temptations. I’m not just trying to teach my kids how to behave, I’m doing it while running an obstacle course and trying to teach them how to behave, find the items on my list and stick to a budget. I love doing it, but it’s hard work.
Not looking for sympathy at all, she’s really not a problem. We’re just hopeful we can coax some language out of her before school next year or before she is returned to her mother.
I’m one of the ones who will remove myself and the kids, because at that point I’m not having fun, either and I’m not stubborn or foolish enough to think the problem will resolve itself with time. Thanks for your kind words, but taking on these kids was my idea and I’m thrilled to have them. I’m kind of feeling the pride grandparents feel at the moment.
That’s okay, I’m not looking to excuse anything. I just thought it might be helpful to state out loud that I absolutely must take my little darlings (or little shits, as you see them) out in public in order to teach them how to be human. They can’t learn good conduct in isolation, and learning is trial and error for adults, too. If you feel the need to vent your ire at disengaged parents, too, have at it, but trust me, they aren’t reading this and aren’t likely to care about your dirty looks if they even notice.
I wasn’t clear. I don’t mean, “You poor baby having to take care of a special needs kid!” I meant people might cut you more slack.
If my four-year-old picked up a ball from a shelf at a store and threw it, she’d be in big trouble. But that’s because she’s highly verbal and able to understand the rules, and we’ve talked extensively about proper store behavior; throwing the ball would be a way to check where the boundaries of behavior were, and it’d be my job to make it clear that she’d stepped over them. She’d Lose A Privilege for that, the worst possible thing in her world.
But if a nonverbal kid does it, well, that’s different, because it’s a lot harder to explain to a nonverbal kid what the rules are.
I find the topic interesting. I was more referring to the people you meet in your day-to-day life, the ones whom a shrieking child would actually impose upon.
But then, none of them are likely to read your essay about how and why you parent the way you do, and those of us who have are unlikely to ever encounter your child.
Oh, trust me, it is very very obvious that disengaged parents don’t give two shits about anyone but themselves. Heck, they don’t even care about their own kids, aside from telling everyone else they can’t tell the kid not to do so-and-so! So I don’t expend any more energy than satisfying myself with a nice glare or eyeroll.
Whenever we have a thread about a certain category of people I wonder where on the internet these people exist. Sometimes we have 3 pages of people decrying say…people who talk on the phone while driving. Nobody here admits to things like that. Is there a forum somewhere filled with people that gloat about talking on the phone while driving? Difficult to believe. How many among us are actually secretly the assholes we all decry, then?
Following the path often leads to the conclusion that the internet is a cesspool and we are all assholes to somebody somewhere so there we have it.
Then I guess my goal is to tell some childfree folks "Look, I *must. *I can’t teach them how to behave if I don’t take them out in public. And if you don’t want to hear me correcting them when they screw up (and they will screw up, that’s part of their job) or praising them when they do well, and if you don’t want to jog around me as I dodge yet another toy display or explain in painfully small words why we can and can’t do something, well, don’t go to Walmart, or the grocery store, or family restaurants. My life would be easier if I left them at home while I run errands or get a babysitter when my husband and I want to go out, but if we do that we aren’t doing our job.
And I couldn’t afford a babysitter right now, anyway. Plus, I’m actually having fun despite the occasional embarrassment or hiccup. I like teaching them how to do things, and I like exposing them to new people and new experiences and it might look like a special level of hell to you, but I’m loving this job that I voluntarily took on. It’s really rewarding and I do appreciate all the kind strangers and the people like Aanamika who take a moment to participate. And I really, really appreciate all the people who smile and greet my kids, it really seems to be helping the quiet one. She’s taking it all in, and starting to nod back and will grin if certain people speak to her. Maybe I should have made this a thank you instead of an apology.
I think you missed the point. It does not matter what your personal preference may be. Any sound above a certain decibel level will damage hearing. Given the proximity of your child’s mouth to your ears, the duration of each scream, the decibel level and the frequency that you seem to allow this to occur, one can surmise your hearing will deteriorate much faster than the person on the tarmac wearing ear protectors all day to avoid the same decibel level you seem to enjoy.
No, you are right about one thing, I’m inconsiderate about the squealing, and since naptime’s over we’ll be going outside to practice running and she’ll squeal and clap and laugh and I still won’t stop her unless she shrieks or screams. I’m the jerk in the neighborhood with the noisy kids, and probably will be until winter forces us indoors. But I promise I’m aware of the room we’re taking up in the store, and believe me I’m sick to death of my own droning dialogue about how to do things the right way. But I’ve gotta do it, because I love them and I want them to be okay when they grow up and go out on their own.
You should have called security on these people. That’s just not right.
Someone on another website was telling a story about a grade-school aged girl who was in one of her daughter’s activities, and nobody wanted this girl in their carpool because she would randomly shriek at top volume for attention. Some people wondered if she had Tourette’s syndrome, which can indeed cause this, but she didn’t. She’s acting out because her dad is deployed (and there are some other family issues) and if you tell her she can’t do it, she won’t.
Like I have said many times before and will say many times since, I rarely see really horribly behaved kids out in public, and when I do, 99% of the time, the parents are acting worse than the kids.
You know, I could record her. Hang on, let me get everyone bundled up and we’ll go outside. I get a grainy cell phone video and post it. If it is as bad as you say, I’ll be contrite and I’ll fix it. But it really just sounds like joy to me at this point. I’ll let you be the judge though. Someone recommend a video host that is anon though, please.
No, you need to borrow a decibel meter. It’s called noise induced hearing loss (NIHL).
Just Say No-It’s Not Just For Drugs Any More
Well that isn’t going to happen, and you wouldn’t police your neighborhood’s pick up basketball game with a decibel meter, either. When she’s squealing louder than a lawnmower, leaf blower, weed-eater or chainsaw, I’ll put a stop to it.
As a member of The Public, I’m glad I read this important information from CLee. Next time I hear a kid shrieking I’ll be sure to ask the parent whether or not they are CLee. If not, I’ll tell them that maybe they need to write up their excuse on the Internet too and I will add it to my file.
If you are going to compare it to the noise those devices make, then would you kindly hand out the same noise-protection devices recommended when those other items are used.