What is it with parents who will cheerfully ignore a child who is shrieking at the top of its lungs on a note that’s enough to etch glass and knock tiles off the ceiling?
You know, that one-note wonder-screech that’s enough to raise serious doubts about evolution, because a kid emitting that kind of noise out on the savannah would have been killed by the nearest hyena just to get a little peace and quiet–if the kidlet’s own kind didn’t break its neck first.
Oblivious Mommy, chit-chatting in the supermarket, while kid says “Mommy?” over and over and over and over and… ShrieeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEkkkkkkk!!! and Mommy **still **isn’t listening.
Until InfMom from the other side of the aisle shouts “STOP IT!!” Utterly astonished clueless Mommy responds with “They don’t have mute buttons, you know!”
Because that’s how most parents deal with tantrums-you don’t pay attention to them. Ideally, a parent should carry the little out to the car, but sometimes, that’s not a possibility.
I can see what you’re saying Guin, but I think maybe the OP is complaining about a “pre-occupied” mom that is raising a whiney brat with her oblivious state. I’ve seen that kind of mom before, they don’t understand why their kids don’t give them any peace, or why they are so clingy and needy. If they’d just take some time and pay attention to their child, make actual eye contact and LISTEN for once, (okay, make a regular habit of it) the child might find some confidence and quit acting out to try to snatch any glimmer of attention they might be able to gobble up. It makes me sad when I see it.
Actually, time outs can work very well. I do time outs with my kids, and it’s not unusual for people to comment on how well-behaved my children are.
No, it’s not the time out thing–it’s how time outs are (or aren’t) used that makes the difference. Don’t blame time outs for badly behaved children.
I have some slight sympathy for the mom in the story in the OP–sometimes you’ve told the kid a dozen times that when mommy is talking or on the phone they can’t interrupt, and sometimes it doesn’t sink in and the best thing to do is refuse to let the child interrupt. I have no sympathy for letting it get to sustained screaming in a public space, or the reply that seems to imply that people should just tolerate constant screaming because, you know, they’re kids.
I know that when my kids were very little and they would start getting fractious in a store, a stern (or funny) word from a stranger would often make them suddenly stop, and when that happened I usually thanked the person, because I had been on the verge of leaving the cart and going out to the car and their help made my life easier. I’ve found most other moms and dads in public to be very understanding and helpful when I’ve had difficult times with the kids, and I try to make a point of being helpful and sympathetic myself.
This mom (described in the OP), I must say, would have made me want to slap her.
Yeah, except it’s not okay to let a kid continually make a scene in a public space. It’s rude, and the child needs to be taught how to conduct itself in public.
It seems as though whenever I say anything about kids misbehaving in public I get the "well you hate kids anyway’ lecture. I don’t “hate” kids, I just don’t have any experience with them and don’t want any. I just can’t stand endless screaming in public. You chose to have them, take them home and let your ears suffer - don’t punish the world.
[slight hijack]And what is it with the 2 seat baby strollers as large as a car? “I’m smart enough to have two kids within 18 months so I can run over your feet if I want to!”[/ hijack]
I’m frequently tempted to help out parents having problems with small children in public, but I never do because I’m always worried my motives will be misconstrued.
I get the “Well, you don’t have children, so you can’t possibly understand! Wait until you have children of your own!”.
Yeah, I do understand. I have awesome friends who are the most amazing parents I’ve ever seen. And having helped raise my niece and nephew, in addition to babysitting at least three times a week from the time I was eleven until the age of sixteen, I’ve got plenty of experience with kids. Yes, I realize it will be ‘different with my own’, but we can’t stand other people’s misbehaving children, what the hell makes people think we’ll like our own misbehaving? I’m sure there will be meltdowns - I’ve never met a two-year-old who HASN’T had one - but we plan on learning from our friends, who have raised some amazing children.
I know it’s not always feasible to leave the store with a tantruming kid, but for fuck’s sake - at least pay attention to them!
As a child, I only threw a fit in the store a couple of times because my mother would immediately drop what she was doing, take me out to the car, and drive home. After a lenghty stint in the corner, (and a harsh lecture on the way home) she would serve something for dinner that I didn’t like (I swear she kept things in the freezer for this purpose alone!) and should I complain, she would remind me that we’d be having lazagna right now if I hadn’t acted like a fool in the grocery store.
All the kids I know raised in the “time out” generation are angels. I know a lot of really well behaved kids. The screaming ones stand out, but behind them are ten well behaved ones that people who don’t like kids don’t notice.
“Kids today are awful” has been said by old people for a thousand years or more. It’s always been false, and always will be.
Kids throwing tantrums in stores can be irritating, but you’re seeing kids pretty much at their worst when you see them there; few things are has awful to a kid as an hour or two in a department store, which to you or I would be like spending ten hours in a Russian department store for giants, where you’re not allowed to touch or buy anything and don’t understand what’s going on anyway.
Hey gramps, that’s not what the OP was talking about.
The OP was not criticizing the kid at all - it was all aimed at the parent. The parent who brings a shrieking siren into the middle of a public place and then ignores it.
I think RickJay was not responding to the OP with this comment, but to SHAKES’ comment that the "time out " thing was going to cause a generation of kids to be brought up with no discipline. I happen to agree that bad behavior can’t be blamed on time outs, and that the “these kids today aren’t being disciplined like we were!” idea was more or less the sentiment behind SHAKES’ comment.
Lissa, my kids haven’t thrown a tantrum in the store for years–it was pretty much confined to occasional episodes between ages 1 and 3. (They’re 8 and 5 now.) I gave my kids a short amount of time to calm down, because sometimes they could get a handle on themselves and I’d rather they do that and me be able to finish what I came there for. But once we passed that short time, we were gone. It seems to have worked, since it’s been a looong time since I had to even mention that behavior had better improve while we’re in the store.
Dung Beetle, unfortunately it’s hard to know when it’ll be acceptable and when not. I often try just smiling at the kid, or giving the parent a sympathetic glance or comment. If, say, I’m in line and kiddo behind or in front is crying or showing signs of flaking out, I might say something friendly to the kid, or smile. The reaction to that usually tells me if it’s feasible to offer any other help. It probably helps that I’m female, and that I frequently have a kid with me to begin with, so I’m not very threatening.
I understand. There are circumstances in which we have to just tolerate a minor disruption to the peace. In fact, kids tend to have an aura that creates those circumstances. I understand that if ma has to pick up the kid’s insulin, it can’t exactly wait until the brat decides to behave itself.
