Inspired by this thread. http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=705626I offer this to the child-free not as an excuse for my noisy, nosy kids but as an explanation to why they seem to get a pass on some behaviors adults would be spanked for. My girl is 13, but I’m helping raise two toddlers for the next few months. For the purposes of this thread, I’ll also call the crawling baby and the toddler “mine”. If anyone has an special needs children, this might also be a good place to explain the quirks and allowances required to raise our kids.
Kids make a lot of noise, but there is a difference between a tantrum, an injury and joy.
My child just started walking and is squealing from the pure joy of her new found freedom and accomplishments. She’s not complaining, shes reveling and it’s some of nature’s best music, on par with puppies and kittens playing. I don’t expect you to like it, but if you’ll pause for a second and look at her face, you’ll see what a tremendous leap in learning and growth she has just made. Sometimes she squeals when she’s given crayons in a restaurant. Sometimes she squeals just to hear her own voice. I’ll teach her to use her inside voice when it counts, like church and funerals and other unavoidably somber locations. I will also teach her not to scream as though she is frightened, but most of the time and in most locations kids are allowed, I’m going to share in her joy and grin when she chatters and squeals.
My child doesn’t know any better than to stare at you. *Please *and thank you were easy, but “it isn’t polite to stare/give advice/correct people/interrupt” are complex concepts and it takes years to teach the nuanced social skills that many adults never quite get the hang of.
My child will pick up a ball she discovers in a store and throw it because that’s what we do with balls at home. I’m working on teaching her not to handle things that don’t belong to her, but as yet she doesn’t realize that toys in a store are not meant to be played with. Explaining yes, these are toys and yes they are in reach and irresistible but they are not to be touched is conundrum of Herculean proportion. Again, we’re working on that, but it’s a tough concept.
I’m trying to teach my child autonomy of her body while still encouraging her to be friendly and approachable. Please don’t grab her tiny hands or pick her up or force a hug on her. And don’t pressure her by asking to hold her. If she feels comfortable coming to you she will, but it’s in her best interest to be wary of over-friendly strangers even if your intentions are the best and you truly love children. Don’t be offended or hurt by her rejection, because I’m teaching her to reject the advances of strangers. It’s my job.
If she does approach you and speaks a line of gibberish, don’t get nervous and attempt to interpret. I don’t know what the heck she is jabbering about, either. I just make something up and go along with it. You can do the same. “Is that so? Well, just yesterday I saw a puppy playing. Do you have a dog?” She won’t understand you, either, but she’ll be delighted at being included in the conversation and you’ll be doing a service by helping socialize her.
My children have near zero control over their environments. The list of things they are not allowed to do is infinite, the list of things they want to do and are actually allowed to do is infinitesimal. They hear “no”, “don’t touch”, “you can’t”, “it’s dangerous” and all the variants all day long. They get away with very little. But they are encouraged to play, chatter, and laugh when and where it is safe to do so, and that includes stores which sell toys, restaurants which offer crayons, all public parks, and every yard in the neighborhood.
My thirteen year old and most teenagers are a bit more sophisticated than we give them credit for. Don’t talk down to her, she has a huge vocabulary and can keep up with any conversation. More than likely a greeting and how are you or how’s school is all that’s necessary. She probably isn’t interested in our conversation, but she can certainly keep up nearly as well as any adult. Just acknowledge her the same as you would any adult in a group.
When I say things like “My child can do no wrong” what I mean is “I love her unconditionally, and nothing she could do would make me love her less.” It doesn’t mean that my child is better than other children. It means she/they are the most important people in my world. Also, within the last week she has fallen off the deck stairs, unlocked the cabinet of cleaning supplies and carried a bottle of bleach to me, took a bone right out of the dog’s mouth, and recovered from a fever of 103. I’m so glad she survived another week without a broken neck, accidental poisoning, a missing digit, and recovered from a terrifying fever that her squeals of happiness and joie de vivre are music to my ears.
Too long, didn’t read version: my kids might be making noise but they aren’t getting away with murder. They are learning how to conduct themselves politely in public but it isn’t an instant process.
