You, sir or madam, are not a valuable member of society.
You are a damp cumstain on the prom dess of this world. A syphillitic lesion that has been picked by stubby, dirty fingernails until it bleeds. You are a rancid piece of simian excrement too foul and soft to even be used as a projectile against its creator’s foes. You are a torn biohazardous waste bag, leaking pus, chunks of fat, and small pieces of excised tumor over the country side.
You are a villain, yet a petty, lazy and inconsiderable one. You stole the faceplate from my car’s stereo, yet you failed to remove the stereo itself. Nor did you even attempt to take the car itself, which, although of a cheap model, is new and could probably fetch a decent price on the black market. Even as a criminal you lack amibition, courage or even a vestigial work ethic. You are not daring. You are not exciting. I doubt the small amount of electronics you took from me can even be sold for much money. I have little doubt that if you took some menial labor, instead of embarking upon a life of crime, your performance would be so awful so as to deserve its own lengthy complaints, yet you would have gained more money, and at least you would have been an honest jackass. A respectable personage among the mediocre.
You are completely and utterly without worth. I have never met you, and probably never will, and yet I dislike you intensely.
We stole yer stereo, Menocchio. Us the Straight Dopers. We pass it around at Dopefests, all the while laughing madly at our witless dupe (that’s you). Cecil Adams & Ed Zotti posed with it in a photo… wait! This seems familiar…
The stereo itself is useless without the faceplate and probably damaged by the theif’s clumsy attempts to pry it out of the dash. The stereo is fucking ruined now, so I engaged in some poetic license.
Is that fine with you, oh gracious defender of the downtrodden?
I come here to vent my rage and engage in some creative cursing.
What did I want?
“That sucks Menocchio!”
“Cumstained prom dress! LOL!”
“I have him my sights right now, Menocchio. You want it in his head, or his groin?”
“I’m a comely single woman, aged 18-29, and I’m headed over to your place to give you a new stereo and hot monkey love.”
What did I get?
I room full of skeptics and mockery.
You people suck.
I bought a new stereo from this guy the other day in the parking lot of the local supermarket, and the cursed thing don’t work! :mad:
Yeah, sure… it’s extremely and fashionably thin; but it doesn’t seem to want to turn on, and every time I put a CD into it, the CD just falls out the back and rolls around on the table!
Menocchio, I wonder if the idiot in your OP is the same jackass who broke the driver’s window on my van over the weekend. Nothing was taken, which means he was either illiterate or not an SF fan as there were about twelve boxes of books in the back.
Of course, if he’d checked the car out a little more carefully before trying to break in he’d have found out that the sliding side door wasn’t locked (because I had forgotten to lock them the last time I was in the van) or that the rear doors weren’t locked (because the locks have ben broken for several years).
Ah, dammit, and she’s Swedish! You know what they say about Swedish women!
[sub]Because I don’t. What do they say about Swedish women?[/sub]
LurkMeister Sounds like a similar MO. This has happened around here before. According to campus safety, they’ve never actually gotten away with anything really valuable. They’ve broken a few windows (not mine) and ruined a few stereos trying to pry them out of the car, but never taken anything except some extra-small hockey gear. Hell, one guy had his car broken into, and they broke his cheap-ass tape deck, but ignored the expensive CD player stowed in the console.
People in America need to take more pride in their crime, or be outcompeted by cheap, foreign hooligans.
As someone who had his faceplate stolen, I can attest that this is absolute bullshit. Although there may be some damage, it is not a foregone conclusion that the stereo is automatically “ruined” or “useless.” Get another faceplate (costs less than replacing the stereo itself) and you’re fine.
Of course, after I replaced my faceplate, I got the whole thing stolen. Come whining to us when that happens, k?
