Ya know, I think you guys are forgetting that anal sex is not exclusively a homosexual activity. Straight couples can do it too.
What? Why is everyone looking at me like that?
Actually, Kommissar, go ahead and turn around. That’s it. Now bend just a little bit. There you go. You’ll like this, I promise. Now, it’s going to hurt just a little bit at first…
Der Komissar:
Homosexual sex, certainly. However, according to the Talmud, the Torah actually explicitly permits heterosexual anal sex.
vanilla wrote:
Mormon Teen Loses Inhibitions After Third Benadryl
(No oral sex after marriage? Yeesh, forget it. I’d never get married if I didn’t get to lick a clitoris as part of the deal.)
Unnatural?
Anybody who thinks so oughtta spend some time on the farm.
Dogs, cows, goats, horses, Sheep, they all go corn-dogging up the Hershey highway with frequent abandon.
Shall we mention anal dolphin rape? Monkey-hummers?
Seems like just about every animal in the Wide Wide World of Sports with an anus is sticking something up it.
What about the cloaca? Birds have sex through that nasty all purpose hole all the time.
I am thinking that “unnatural” does not mean what you think it does.
Now that I’ve explained it, I trust that Al es clar Der Kommisar?
First, it is clearly condemned in the Bible.
But even ignoring that, it’s clearly unnatural.
Let’s suppose you saw somebody putting on a 70’s leisure suit. It’s clearly a nutty thing to do. And if the person claimed to enjoy it, you’d suspect there was something wrong with that person.
As long as it’s not required…
Well obviously you shouldn’t put the whole thing in at once, but rather one slice at a time. At last, a way to enjoy grapefruit without getting squirted in the eye.
Why don’t I ever get invited to wedding ceremonies like that?
Kom, snookums, there is so very much about me that is unnatural and condemned by the Bible, that anal sex is pretty low on the list. Thanks for caring, though.
I just can’t help wondering what your sources say about your… um… moral voyerism. You know, keeping an eye on other people’s sex lives, for the purpose of denouncing them? Try looking up that one. Here’s a hint: seach for the phrase “Judge not”. Maybe something about “casting the first stone” while you’re at it.
And in regard to the grapefruit, it would be perfectly natural as long as the fruit in question were organic. Genetically engineered corn, on the other hand, would be wrong.
“Hey, honey? Yeah, we’re clear for tonight. No no no, it’s in the Torah. Yeah. No, I’m not making it up, I swear. Falwell? Fuck Falwell - IT’S IN THE TORAH. Yeah. No, that stains the sheet. Mm-Hmm. Um, the oil, yeah, but not the plugs - we’ll just have to use the champagne cork, like last time. Okay. Love ya, sweetie. Shalom.”
-J-
;j 
Actually, I think there’s a valid point lurking in the OP way up there; people who believe that God doesn’t want them to do anal sex should definitely stop it right away.
Oh, Kommmmmm-issar . . .
Coming back, honey? Feel like trying that OP again?
I’ve looked at Der Komissar’s posts in the Pit on the National Day of Bible Contradictions Thread.
He is clearly a fundy troll who can’t do anything but spout Bible verses. Hopefully he will leave soon. I am replying to this thread only to show how truly absurd his logic is.
Exhaust is the byproduct of gasoline. The proper analogy would be someone who enjoyed sticking food up his butt, not penises.
Wow- even Mormon married couples can’t do it?
Well, if they can’t do it, then who can?
(Sorry- I couldn’t resist.)
-Ben
Opus1 wrote:
A particularly onerous Fundy preacher named Brother Jed used to shout his sermons from the Bruin Walk when I was at UCLA. One of the Evil Sins of the World [TM] that he would rail against was oral sex, by shouting, “Oral sex is so deeeeee-sgusting! Would you stick a piece of pizza up your nose?!”
**
No, no, no. Der Kommissar is clearly one of the acronym people. You have to call him “DK.” (You know, like WB, FoG, DITWD, etc.)
Thank you, seawitch, you beat me to it. DK, which is the worse sin: anal sex, or bearing false witness, like you did in the Pit?
This thread has some obvious fundie porn aspects. Within a few posts of his arrival, DK falsely accused someone of lying. He’s getting a lot of heat for this, and never even so much as admitted that he had made a false accusation. So what does he do? He can’t admit he did anything wrong, even if that puts him in danger of the fires of Hell, so he starts a thread out of the blue attacking anal sex. Now he can convince himself that he’s really a good Christian, without ever having to apologize for his false accusations, because at least he’s not as bad as those pervy anal sex types. It’s like racism: no matter how badly off the redneck gets, he can always tell himself that at least he’s not Black.
Remember, folks, fundamentalist Christianity makes a lot more sense if you remember that it’s not a religion. It’s a form of non-sexual pornography. If it were a religion, DK would have simply apologized. But it’s really porn, so DK has to find a way to fantasise about being a good Christian while still letting his false accusation stand.
-Ben
You’re analogy is flawed.
A computer keyboard is every bit as natural as a beaver’s dam.
But if you use it for the wrong purposes (such as downloading pictures of anal sex) then you’re a pervert.
Alles klar? (sorry, couldn’t resist)
tracer
Wow! I had no idea brother Jed was famous. I got into a big argument with him when he came to UC Irvine last year. I got him to admit that he would run a sword through little babies if God ordered him to. Didn’t phase him a bit, but the audience seemed a little perturbed, and several walked away as he started attempting to justify his genocidal tendencies. Like Calvin (the cartoon character, not the theologian), I find that all of my victories against fundies are of the moral, not actual, variety.
Yeah, but see, like, um…keyboards AREN’T natural! We don’t find them in nature-and they aren’t mentioned in the Bible. So, like see, God intended us to write, or something…
Now there’s a question. Let’s add it to the ones what DK has already weaseled out of:
-
Do you believe in the teachings of Jesus?
-
In case you haven’t been asked before, do you, in fact, purport to be a Christian?
-
Where does the Bible explicitly forbid Anal sex?
-
Would you run a sword through a baby if God told you to?
-
Which is the worse sin- anal sex, or bearing false witness?
-
Is cunnilingus unnatural?
-
Is fellatio unnatural?
and while we’re at it,
- Is kissing unnatural? I mean, if someone smeared food on their face but didn’t actually swallow any, wouldn’t that be nutty?
I’m sure I’m forgetting a few. Could someone help me out?
-Ben
Hey, what about taking someone’s temperature rectally? Or a proctology exam, or something like that? Wouldn’t that be unnatural too?